Friend with benefits or emotionally repressed quasi-boyfriend???

[wild trillium]

So I started seeing a guy in May.He and I really clicked and were having a great time together.Or so I thought until he got smashed on tequila one night when we were out partying in made out with a friend of mine about 3 weeks into it.

 

I told him exactly what I thought about his behavior and I stopped seeing him.About a month later he starts contacting me again and saying he wanted to get together on friends with benefits terms. I don't hold grudges and the sex with him was unbelievable so I agreed but was very clear in that if I even thought he was trying to get with other people his @ss would be out the door.I let him know that all he needed to be was tell me up front and there would be no hard feelings, and would do the same.

 

So we are a few months into this now and I realized that I am having feelings for this guy.A lot, actually.We spend a lot of time together, go to music events together and stay 2 each others homes almost every night of the week most weeks.I broached the subject & he says he doesnt want a relationship.After giving it some thought I decided to break it off last night.

 

He got really mad and started to accuse me of wanting to sleep with his best friend (whatever.) or wanting to see other people.He vacillated between telling me that we were just f*cking and being jealous and saying that now that I've gotten rid of him I can take whomever I want to some upcoming concerts we have tickets to.He told me that he wouldnt go with me if I'm seeing someone else.Which I'm really not interested in right now, btw.I don't multitask well in that realm.I really like this guy as a friend, too and we'd hung out for a long time before this other stuff went down.I just don't want to get in a position where I'll be hurt.I was honest about that with him and he said again that he didn't want a serious relationship.

 

I told him that the tickets are still his and that I want to be able to be friends and still hang out as friends only.He kept making comments about me seeing other people and probably already having someone else lined up to date.

 

What the hell? Does guy like me more than he is saying or is this typical male behavior when being dumped by a FWB?I've never been involved in this kind of relationship before and I'm thinking this will be the last time. Any ideas guys?

[Odyssey]

he says he doesnt want a relationship. After giving it some thought I decided to break it off last night.

He got really mad...

 

I guess he got mad because you hurt his feelings when you broke it off. Someone wouldn't "overreact" like that if they didn't have strong feelings for you. Him not wanting a relationship? i'm not entirely sure about that either - only YOU know for sure.

 

My FWB thing was slightly different, basically i wanted a relationship with her but she just broke up with her bf, so she kinda didn't - in fact she even said that she did not want a relationship! So i lied to her that i didn't either (wasn't intentional at the time). Anyways, we were both FWBs until we started doing those 'coupley-things' together. I came on too strong and eventually pushed her away! How it ended? She broke up with me. Friendship? No chance. Regrets? Lots. Lession learned.

 

I don't know if this helps.

[Odyssey]

. . .on second thoughts did he even mention that "you're making a huge mistake", "anyway we can work this out", "what could i do to fix this", etc... Basically anything to suggest he wanted you/friendship?

 

If not then, i guess he might just be angry that you ended things i.e. sex.

[wild trillium]

Yeah, it did help.Thank you.He did keep saying that I wasn't hurting his feelings in about 30 texts last night.

 

I really do have feelings for him as well but I'm not doing this on his terms.I'm going to avoid contact for now & let him think it over.I'm really not totally fugly and I'm actually a nice person so I'm pretty sure I can move on when I'm ready to.

 

We will be together again to see Motorhead in September.(Yay on the Motorhead!)I'm not pushing it at this point.

 

Thank you again & I'm sorry that your situation didn't work out.

[wild trillium]

No.He never said anything like that last night.Just kept going on about how he wouldn't speak to me again if he found out that I was seeing his friend.No idea where that even came from!Ridiculous.Then he moved on to saying that he didn't want to hang out with me at all if I were seeing anyone else.Whatever...

 

He did tell me last week that he "liked" me.I don't think he knows what he wants.I do tho so I'll pass on the FWB thing.

[Odyssey]

Luck you... Motorhead are awesome, who are the support bands?

[wild trillium]

It will be Motorhead, The Reverend Horton Heat & Nashville Pussy.I'm so excited!

 

My former FWB & I saw Fear, Agent Orange, Total Chaos & Di a couple of weeks ago.It was awesome...

[Odyssey]

I just hope Reverend Horton Heat plays Marijuana; kick-ass guitar solo! But... Nashville Pussy? i just never got into their raw-dirty-rock n roll thing. I'll definitely be wearing my steel-toes if i was gonna be at that gig!

[wild trillium]

I don't mind Nashville P so much.I'm going mainly for Motorhead & to see the Reverend again.Havent seen him in years & that was @ the old nasty 9:30 Club in DC.Saw the Exploited the night before that...it's been a good 15 years so I am very ready for this show!

[wild trillium]

So, stupid me I ended up "making up" with my fwb~whatever he is.I obviously have will of steel, right?

 

Last night I went out with a girlfriend to a bar.It's our watering hole and we spend a lot time there with various friends.He rolls in a little later and talks to my friend but says little to me but his eyes were on me almost the entire time.Another guy who I had been seening last summer was showing me a pic of his & his fiancee's new puppy that he had on his phone.I thought nothing of it all while they were talking.This guy & I have no interest in each other beside friendship.That is it.

 

So we, my friend, the fwb & I leave the bar together and head to another down the street.I'm sitting and drinking my drink and he comes up & sits beside me. We chit chatted a bit about the upcoming show and I got a text from another male friend as we were talking.Apparently he saw it.It was completely innocent.He starts going on about how this guy hits on every girl that he talks to.Meaning like girls he is seeing.I'm like whatever, if I wanted to be with him I'd go now.

 

It was pretty funny because I'd just asked the fwb if he could drop me @ my house and he was going on about how he had to get up early, couldn't tonight, blah-blah-blah BEFORE he saw the text. A few minutes later I told him that I'm tired, I'm grabbing a cab.All the sudden he was like I'll take you with me to my house. I said ok, whatever & we left.

 

The whole ride he was going on about the dude that texted me earlier and then said he saw me give my number to the other guy who was showing me phone pics.I told him that the phone guy has had my number for well over a year & we still only talk in public.I had to listen to mouth about my other 2 male friends for about a half an hour off & on.Finally I just said "look, if thats the kind of person that you think I am that I'd have something going with multiple guys then take me home now".He shut up pretty quick, actually.

 

I found the whole thing interesting.Why would a guy who doesn't want a relationship with me spend so much time with me and be so jealous?Why, really?*sigh*

[Odyssey]

Damn this guy's got insecurity issues 'cause he keeps thinking you might see someone else, he basically can't trust you! I still think he'd lied when he said, he didn't want a relationship.

 

Hahaa. If anything, you have more right to not trust him, since he made out with your friend.

 

Look, from my past experience, fwb never work out if someone has strong feelings for the other. I'd promised myself to either be in a relationship or be friends. None of this in-between bs. That's the best advise i can really give you.

 

Why is it only me replying? Can anyone else post their FWB input here?

[wild trillium]

Thanks, Odyssey, I appreciate your input.This guy a jerk and I pretty much let him know that last night in no uncertain terms.We can be friends but nothing else.I am soooo done with the whole thing.

 

I refuse to let this f up the Motorhead show for me tho, n would like to be able to get along with him for at least long enough to get through the upcoming shows.