EmptyPromises Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 my ex and i are getting back together. we broke up because of flirty texts he sent to his ex and another girl. we had alot of trust issues during our relationship and i want to be able to trust him and want him to be able to trust me so that we can both have our freedom during our last year at college. i also worry and stress about who hes texting & messaging on facebook, because ive caught him before. i dont want to be the nosey girlfriend i want him to have his privacy, but i need to be able to trust him. any suggestions? advice?
Vet Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 my ex and i are getting back together. we broke up because of flirty texts he sent to his ex and another girl. we had alot of trust issues during our relationship and i want to be able to trust him and want him to be able to trust me so that we can both have our freedom during our last year at college. i also worry and stress about who hes texting & messaging on facebook, because ive caught him before. i dont want to be the nosey girlfriend i want him to have his privacy, but i need to be able to trust him. any suggestions? advice? The only way you'll be able to trust him fully is to jump in head first. Once you've hit your head on the bottom of the relationship pool though, it's hard to do it again. If you've decided to take him back even though he's betrayed you before, and try again, then jump. If you need things like open access to his email and cell phone to make you feel better, then tell him so. If he can't live with that (and can't understand that that's what you need to be able to trust him again), then guess you aren't ready to be back together. Personally though, the first time someone makes it clear that I'm not the one they want to be with, they're dead to me.
Hkizzle Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 You can't trust an untrustworthy person....... They have to police themselves, and not you. If they can't do it then you should......__________ fill in the blank.
AlektraClementine Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 You can't trust an untrustworthy person....... They have to police themselves, and not you. If they can't do it then you should......__________ fill in the blank. Yep. This is about as no nonsense as it gets. You have very little to do with whether or not the trust is rebuilt. That's on him. And as far as I'm concerned (were this my relationship), he currently has no privacy rights (unless he's going to the bathroom). His online and phone activity should be completely transparent. Out of curiosity, Why'd you go back? I know I know, you him. But really, why'd you go back?
MichiganMan222 Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 my GF and I both got stung by previous relationships with cheating so even tho we have no reason to be weary each other, we both came in with preconceived distrust for the opposite sex. We both know what the other went through so as a courtesy to each other, we leave everything out on the table...email passwords are shared, phones are always on full-blast and out in the open, whenever any past ex contacts us we immediately tell each other and share the transcripts if possible. We don't demand this of each other; we just do it FOR each other. Its huge. You don't have to catch him engaging in inappropriate texting, emailing, etc.; you only have to catch him hiding it. That would be enough for me. If he really wants to make an effort, you shouldn't have to ask him for passwords, etc...he should just give them to you.
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 18, 2009 Author Posted August 18, 2009 When we first broke up I told him if he wanted to be with me I wanted his password. He refused to give it to me bc he wanted his privacy. After a week of arguing about this I understood where he was coming from. Maybe having his password would make me be searching for something all the time to yell at him. Idc about him having my password but he's very jealous n if a guy were to I M me or message me hed automatically assume I was betraying him and I think I'd be the same way.but maybe I should ask for it? I don't think hed give it to me. Ne way after all that I decided maybe I was being silly n wanted to work things out with him. But he didn't want to be with me he was sick of the fighting and jealousy. So we were apart for three months n r now getting back together.
Vet Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 When we first broke up I told him if he wanted to be with me I wanted his password. He refused to give it to me bc he wanted his privacy. After a week of arguing about this I understood where he was coming from. Maybe having his password would make me be searching for something all the time to yell at him. Idc about him having my password but he's very jealous n if a guy were to I M me or message me hed automatically assume I was betraying him and I think I'd be the same way.but maybe I should ask for it? I don't think hed give it to me. Ne way after all that I decided maybe I was being silly n wanted to work things out with him. But he didn't want to be with me he was sick of the fighting and jealousy. So we were apart for three months n r now getting back together. Do yourselves both a favor. Move on.
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 18, 2009 Author Posted August 18, 2009 Okay so im trying to work things out with my ex. we had alot of trust issues because both our exes cheated on us . i guessed his facebook password and would go on his facebook every once in awhile to make sure he wasnt doing nething wrong. he did seem a little flirty in some messages. anyway, he found out i had his password and changed it. we broke up in may because of flirty messages i found in his phone to two girls.i told him the only way i would stay with him is if he gave me his password to facebook. he refused. we spent three months apart and now he wants to work things out i dont think he would give me his password again. people that are in relationships--do u have your boyfriend/girlfriends password? and do they no about it? also are u open to letting them go through your phone or your facebook mesasges or emails? is it crazy to have his password, and go through his phone every once in awhile? opinions/advice etc alll welcome!
daphne Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 My ex of 2 years came back, professed his continued craziness for me (or generalized craziness.. lol) and said he had done a lot of soul searching. He apologized, offered me open access to whatever (assuming that's phone and email) and said he had learned his lesson. Whereas he seems somewhat different, I've heard a lot of the same stuff before. For my part, I was a bit caught off guard. I told him that I didn't have time to check up on him and make sure he wasn't cheating. If I have to look, he's cheating. Also, I don't know that I really believe he'll never cheat again. He was cheating like tomorrow was the end of the world. I believe he is truly sorry for hurting me, but he has no idea how much it has screwed up my faith in men and how much it devastated me. And whenever I get close to letting my guard down, it just devastates me all over again. So, swim at your own risk. I don't think I can live with the anxiety again. He turned me into a shell of a person. He even remarked that I was more beautiful now than then. It's because I'm not that tense, fearful, anxious person I was when he lied to me on a daily basis. I think life is too short. You gotta gravitate towards that which makes you light hearted, happy and whole, not what shrinks your soul.
boogieboy Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 I have enough confidence that I never feel the need to check my SO's email or such, and Im a private person, I would appreciate the same courtesy. To me, if you feel you have to check his stuff, youve already doomed the relationship. There will be no start to your trust as long as you think you have to check anything.
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 im just getting a bunch of mixed responses. while i would like his password i feel it would cause problems. but at the same time im worried because hes been flirtacious in the past. do i just trust him? or just end it?
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