Hkizzle Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 I think the reason so many people make poor relationship choices isn't because they don't understand the theory behind what's right, but they don't have the willpower to follow it. It's like keeping in good physical shape, most people know what needs to be done. Doing it is another matter. To make it worse our biological drives don't care about what we want and can force us in the opposite direction of what we consciously want. What are your thoughts?
CaliGuy Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 I think the reason so many people make poor relationship choices isn't because they don't understand the theory behind what's right, but they don't have the willpower to follow it. It's like keeping in good physical shape, most people know what needs to be done. Doing it is another matter. To make it worse our biological drives don't care about what we want and can force us in the opposite direction of what we consciously want. What are your thoughts? As I said before, poor relationship choices are mostly due to being insecure. Yes, being undisciplined plays a part in that, but discipline can be learned. Get burned enough, you start to learn. Unfortunately for most people, they don't learn until most of their life is over. Took me a long time to break free of being a door mat and didn't come easy. But, it became much easier after I was tired of making the same mistakes over and over again. A good example? I dated a hot "model type" woman who physically made other men drool (me too). The bad part was her life was a mess, she was undisciplined and was insecure. When you put her as person into perspective, she wasn't nearly as attractive overall as she was physically. What did CaliGuy do? He walked away from her. As hard as it was to do (coz she was SMOKING HOT), I did not see any long term potential in her as a significant other. And no, I didn't hit it either (wouldn't be fair to either of us).
Author Hkizzle Posted August 18, 2009 Author Posted August 18, 2009 I think I have to draw a line in the sand over all jerks and bitches are actually insecure too. Their victims if they stay in the relationships are. A lot of jerks and bitches I know are not insecure people. I know a couple of players that are not, they just have different social constructs and moral values to other people. Also, my aunt who's an ex model is married to my uncle who's a top executive a a firm. I would say she's a bitch and he's a jerk. They both are both attracted to power though. Sometimes jerks and bitches act the way they do not because of insecurity but because of the power they have and they abuse, and it's that power that draws others in too.
CaliGuy Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 I think I have to draw a line in the sand over all jerks and bitches are actually insecure too. Their victims if they stay in the relationships are. You can only be a victim if you stay. If you are confident, you walk away. You know you can do better and are confident in that fact. A lot of jerks and bitches I know are not insecure people. I know a couple of players that are not, they just have different social constructs and moral values to other people. They are insecure, trust me. They just display it differently than door mats do. Social constructs/moral values, I mean, I get that. It's just that a balanced good person will not have defunct moral values or constructs. Also, my aunt who's an ex model is married to my uncle who's a top executive a a firm. I would say she's a bitch and he's a jerk. They both are both attracted to power though. They're both insecure. Their value of themselves is based on their looks, wealth or power. Otherwise neither would be a b*tch or a jerk. Sometimes jerks and bitches act the way they do not because of insecurity but because of the power they have and they abuse, and it's that power that draws others in too. Well, I think you can have power and be perfectly good, confident and well-balanced. If you start acting like a jerk or a b*tch, it's because you have changed what you base your self-worth on. If your self-worth is based on self-validation (seeking validation within), generally you'll be good, well balanced and confident. If your self-worth is based on external factors (wealth, power, looks) then your attitude and perspective on life will change based on those factors. Almost always it's negative. Your Aunt and Uncle are a prime example (no offense intended). TBH, most very attractive or very rich people I have met are almost always deeply insecure. They are attractive initially but once you get to know them they become less and less attractive. At least to me.
Author Hkizzle Posted August 18, 2009 Author Posted August 18, 2009 What I'm saying is. Some people just have a different reality, and they're not nice not because of the classic definition of insecurity. They're not nice simply because they're not nice. Just like a lion will kill you without thinking twice, or a psychopath has no guilt over killing. I'm not saying my aunt and uncle are psychopaths, lol. I'm saying some people naturally just dont' give a damn. There's two groups in the Jerks/bitches crowd.
kizik Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 TBH, most very attractive or very rich people I have met are almost always deeply insecure. They are attractive initially but once you get to know them they become less and less attractive. Yep. I still think my ex is externally beautiful - haven't seen or heard from her in over a year. But perhaps because of her looks, she is a really mean, manipulative, selfish, awful person. Took about 2 years for her true cruelty to show. Next time, I'd take an average-looking girl with a great personality.
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