ladydesigner Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Actually, all the ahhhhh!!! meant is how much love I feel for him and how sweet he is. It had nothing to do with the cycle about which you posted. I was happy before he contacted me, as well. SR it certainly does feel good when they contact you. How will you feel when he stops contacting you? or if he decides to go No Contact with you? I hope your self-esteem and happiness stay in tact. It is not a great feeling when it ends...no matter who ends it.
ladydesigner Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 *sigh* let it go... I understand exactly where you are coming from SR. It feels great. I loved my A with my xOM and then he obliterated my heart into a million pieces. If you can hold it all together...more power to you. I wish I were more like you...I wish I could have kept my feelings in a safe place...I would not be hurting like I do. Sorry if my post came off the wrong way, it's just that a lot of us here, including myself, know the pain that is involved that's all.
Meaplus3 Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Do you think that as soon as they put foot in their house they are in 'family man' mode or do you think they obsess like we seem to do? Don't know if all do, but my xmm sure did. He used to tell me how much he missed me.. and always asked when we could talk again. Said I was on his mind 24/7. I look back now and realize that was all probably a big crock of bs. As he never had any real intentions of leaving his wife for me. He was a player and I was his play thing. And as long as I was playing along, then he had me just where he wanted. And to think I fell for that? Shame on me. Mea:)
Solear Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 1]Don't know if all do, but my xmm sure did. He used to tell me how much he missed me.. and always asked when we could talk again. Said I was on his mind 24/7. I look back now and realize that was all probably a big crock of bs. As he never had any real intentions of leaving his wife for me. He was a player and I was his play thing. And as long as I was playing along, then he had me just where he wanted. And to think I fell for that? Shame on me. Yeah I feel exactly the same way, All those affirmations of us being together, endless love , romance, love making, not just sex but true love making. and for what?? to be told me text that she cant leave her husband. Ive been signed off work now for a month. dont get envolved with married people before you see a decree absolute. theyre all selfish ego grabbing arrogant bastards !!
make lemonade Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Im dealing with this right now - and not very well. He is on holidays with them and ive had barely any contact for a week - its doing my head in Any coping tips would be gratefully received
StoptheDrama Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I'd have to say yes - mine is very obviously trying to provoke me today...the same nonsense he's done so many times in the past... ugh... why provoke if you don't want a response? 1
ladydesigner Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Im dealing with this right now - and not very well. He is on holidays with them and ive had barely any contact for a week - its doing my head in Any coping tips would be gratefully received Coping tips: Keep yourself very very busy, almost to the point of not thinking about him. Love yourself more than the A. Try to distance yourself from the A and hope he doesn't come back saying he wants to work things out with the wife. If I were you I would end the A to regain your power and sanity. All A's end badly and you will be most hurt from it. I don't mean to be a downer I have just been there and am slowly healing after my xOM ended the affair. I have been dealing with my pain for a year now, a completely wasted year. Save yourself the heartache and run from this. (((((((Good luck)))))))
KonfusedinCanada Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Coping tips: Keep yourself very very busy, almost to the point of not thinking about him. Love yourself more than the A. Try to distance yourself from the A and hope he doesn't come back saying he wants to work things out with the wife. If I were you I would end the A to regain your power and sanity. All A's end badly and you will be most hurt from it. I don't mean to be a downer I have just been there and am slowly healing after my xOM ended the affair. I have been dealing with my pain for a year now, a completely wasted year. Save yourself the heartache and run from this. (((((((Good luck))))))) LD - how are you doing it? I read your posts and see how painful it must be for you. I'm 'almost there' as far as ending things with my MM, but i'm finding it SO hard to just do it - to end it and move on. I know that I have to because I know I want much more from him than he was or is ever prepared to give me - I just need some advice on the 'how' to do it - and 'how' to get over it once you have.
ladydesigner Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 LD - how are you doing it? I read your posts and see how painful it must be for you. I'm 'almost there' as far as ending things with my MM, but i'm finding it SO hard to just do it - to end it and move on. I know that I have to because I know I want much more from him than he was or is ever prepared to give me - I just need some advice on the 'how' to do it - and 'how' to get over it once you have. KonfusedinCanada I really feel for you. To tell you the truth I sometimes don't know how I am doing it. My xOM broke things off with me, I did not want our affair to end. So my feelings of being rejected are horrific. I am working on my marriage now, as I have 2 kids with my H, and the kids are really essentially why I am staying in my marriage for the moment. I do get glimpses of the man I used to love (H) but he has done so many awful things to me it is really hard for me to get past that. Most affairs end but there are the few where the MP leaves for the OW/OM but then the statistics of that relationship working out aren't great either. I know how much pain is involved when it ends especially for the OW. I was a MOW so I can somewhat relate. Its hard to end things but I think if you ended things on your own terms you would still feel like you had some integrity in tact. My integrity has been completely annihilated. I think the best way to end things would be amicably but then go NC as others have said. LC did not work for me it kept me hanging on to hope and the old feelings involved. The one thing that has been working for me is the NC and when I get those thoughts of xOM I try to detour and think of something else. Slowly my obsessive thoughts have been diminishing. I still have bad moments where I feel like I really miss him, I am hoping with time those will ease too. I have finally come to a feeling of acceptance that my relationship with xOM is over and that it would never have worked out. I have also accepted what I have done and that is cheated on my H. My marriage may or may not work out and I am prepared for whatever outcome. The most important thing is to take care of yourself and love yourself. Find your integrity and self-esteem and own it and live your life the way you feel YOU DESERVE to be treated.
KonfusedinCanada Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 KonfusedinCanada I really feel for you. To tell you the truth I sometimes don't know how I am doing it. My xOM broke things off with me, I did not want our affair to end. So my feelings of being rejected are horrific. I am working on my marriage now, as I have 2 kids with my H, and the kids are really essentially why I am staying in my marriage for the moment. I do get glimpses of the man I used to love (H) but he has done so many awful things to me it is really hard for me to get past that. Most affairs end but there are the few where the MP leaves for the OW/OM but then the statistics of that relationship working out aren't great either. I know how much pain is involved when it ends especially for the OW. I was a MOW so I can somewhat relate. Its hard to end things but I think if you ended things on your own terms you would still feel like you had some integrity in tact. My integrity has been completely annihilated. I think the best way to end things would be amicably but then go NC as others have said. LC did not work for me it kept me hanging on to hope and the old feelings involved. The one thing that has been working for me is the NC and when I get those thoughts of xOM I try to detour and think of something else. Slowly my obsessive thoughts have been diminishing. I still have bad moments where I feel like I really miss him, I am hoping with time those will ease too. I have finally come to a feeling of acceptance that my relationship with xOM is over and that it would never have worked out. I have also accepted what I have done and that is cheated on my H. My marriage may or may not work out and I am prepared for whatever outcome. The most important thing is to take care of yourself and love yourself. Find your integrity and self-esteem and own it and live your life the way you feel YOU DESERVE to be treated. LadyD - First, thank you so much for your response. and secondly UGHHH!! That's the word that best describes what i'm feeling right now. I'm so torn because I do love my MM very much and if things were different, had we met each other before we were married to other people, I am positive that he and I would have been together forever. Yes, everyone reading this is probably shaking their head and thinking i'm being unrealistic and ridiculous and caught up in the affair haze but I honestly believe that that we are soul mates. Having said that, I also know that we cannot be together - nor will we be. He's not leaving his family, regardless of his love for me. Yes, I think he's a cake eater for sure - and in our affair - he definitely gets the better end of the deal. Because I guess he can compartmentalize - and I cannot. I obsess about him constantly - am jealous of the weekends when I don't speak to him and know that he is having a great time with his wife and kids and friends - without me. That they all get the pleasure of his company, and I don't. I waste my weekends pining away for Mondays because that's when i'll hear from him again! (we have pretty strict rules - don't speak or text each other at all during the weekends or after 5pm during the week) I am slowly coming to the realization that it's insanity for me to continue to live this way, and I can no longer do this to myself. I know ending things with him is going to break my heart (i'm literally sick to my stomach just thinking about it while i'm typing this) but I keep thinking about what you said above, if I end things on my own terms I will at least attempt to save my integrity. It's so odd, because I always considered myself a very strong and independant woman - I have been in every other relationship - I really have no idea why I let this happen to me. I feel weak, and childlike, and at the mercy of someone else - and I can't stand that feeling. As with you, I too am not sure if I will be able to work things out with my husband, but I will take it day by day I suppose. Either way, I know that I can't continue to hope that I will eventually be with my MM. I think that's honestly why I've been hanging around - hoping he may change his mind and leave for me. Which is so riduclous on my part because he's told me from day one that he is not leaving his wife. So here I sit in my torture chamber agonizing about this decision and trying so hard to force myself to go through with it. Knowing when I do go through with it I have to be prepared to stick with it because that's the only way to go - no matter how hard I know it's going to be!
Recommended Posts