JL911 Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 Im going to write daily on here about what exactly it is like to "go through the motions of a break-up"...It will help me, and I hope inspire others as well. As mentioned yesterday I was going to stand up for myself and confront my ex with a full frontal assult of confidence and assertiveness...But after a few posts from some fellow LS members I figured that No Contact was simply telling her the same exact thing...BE STRONG...If you are a guy...BE A MAN...If you were immature...GROW UP! Last night I laid in bed shed a few tears over this and thought about my present day life. Shes gone....Shes not calling....Shes crushed me....She left me alone in search of greener pastures, and she wont find them...However, now I know that I will and so will all of you. She will one day HURT so much like I am hurting right now and this will stirr emotions up. I cant help thinking that there is a better plan or option for me at some point down this road. At 25 I thought I had my whole life figured out and thought I had everything moving in the proper direction. Then this bombshell gets dropped on me. Now I have to wake up each and every morning with a huge void in my life the norm is now lonely and sad. I guess this is what we all feel, and I guess this is what makes us better is that we can feel this kind of pain and be sad and love and miss someone so much. We are capable of love. This is all normal how we are feeling, if it wasnt normal then places and message boards such as this would not exhist... We must go through the motions we must feel all of this emotion in order to find that certain someone who will never ever make us hurt this way...I am trying to let her go...It is just so hard when I think of her, or see something that reminds me of her, or go somewhere we went before...It is so hard...As much as I would want her back I really dont know how I could forgive her for all of this pain she caused me. I find crying alone in my truck on the way to work seems to help me get through the day. The mornings are always the worst. I wake up each morning just terribly sad. Then I think of her and what she is doing. Wondering how someone who said they loved me so much could have hurt me this bad and throw me away like I was nothing....Im sure one day she will look back and see a wonderful guy who had her best intentions at heart and who was working his ass off to have a life with her...That is what Love is...Devotion... When things got real rough at the end I got a bit emotional and broke down. It was not my character, but I guess I felt the end was near and I was grabbing at straws to hold on to her. I put all the blame on myself and put her up as being so wonderful and not at fault....This IS her fault, she walked away from a guy who was in love with her and wanted to work on things...She left me stranded with so many questions that rot my mind on a daily basis...She left me to suffer and go through all of this without her...She turned her back and walked away instead of trying to work things out with me.... While I still miss her...I miss someone I met 3.5 years ago. I dont miss this new person who was willing to walk away from me...Im holding on to hope that someday she will be miserable like me, and well I just plain wont care anymore and will have my life back in order with someone who is capable of loving me forever... Each day does get slightly easier...I have a good base of friends who have been talking to me and trying to keep me somewhat busy. Im coping, in therapy, and trying to find a reasonable way through this. I have been dieting and have lost probaly 10lbs, maybe its stress I dunno... The sadness is slowly being replaced by anger. Even when I cry now its not I miss you, its how could you do this to me when I loved you so much... I think to myself I am an Alpha Male. 5'11'' 245lbs Short Brown hair, brown eyes, built like a brick ****house, sensitive, confident, funny, family oriented, loving, caring, devoted, and loyal...We all have traits that attracted people to us in the first place...It was not depression, or sadness, it was our good qualities and we need to fall back on them. Eventually I will get out of this funk...Someone with any type of a brain will pick up on what type of person I am, and someone who left me will eventually find out what they let go was the best they were ever going to get...Just because I was there every single day doesnt mean I will be ever again... - NO CONTACT...NO CONTACT...NO CONTACT...NO CONTACT -
Whiskey Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 Ditto brother. May not have been able to say it better myself. I'm 25 also, got heart ripped out and stomped on and I've been just waiting for the dust to clear. I have my moments where I feel like the only thing I want to do is just pickup the phone and tell her everything on my mind. I just stop short of it when I remind myself that if she isn't contacting me, she probably doesn't want to hear from me or care. I'll just sound desperate. As hard as it may seem, you just have to start treating the person like a stranger. I spend my days trying to wallow through the bits of depression trying to fill that same void that you and I know all too well. Its been 11 days since I last talked to her through text and the time before that was Aug 1st when she told me she wasn't ready to see me. I haven't spoken to her since late July or something...It doesn't matter anyway. I can tell you though, that I can feel it does get better as you put more time between the moment you got sucker punched in the stomach the present.
EricaH329 Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Wow, I feel like I just read my story!! I couldn't have put that any better myself!! I know what it's like. In the beginning I, also, thought it was my fault. If only I was more of this, or I wasn't so much of that... I had no hard feelings towards him. All of my friends and family hated him immediatly after he broke up with me, and couldn't see why I wasn't mad at him instead of myself. I thought the complete opposite, how could they be mad at him and not me? I cried a lot. Listened to a whole bunch of sad music and watched romantic movies. Then one day, I came to the same conclusion you did. HE hurt me!! The man that told me that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, the man who told me he would love me unconditionally for the rest of our lives, hurt me! That bastard! All the sadness and feeling sorry for myself turned into anger and hate. That's when I was really able to start getting over him. After awhile though, of NC, he ended coming back. But I learned a lot about myself along the way. You are completely right. You do not deserve this hurt and pain she put you through. You are a much better person for having gone through it, and recognizing not only the emotions that you are going through, but the experience as something to be learned from. I give you a lot of props, not many people see it the way you do. I wish you all the best of luck!! Stay strong!! You will get through this!!
free2bme4u Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 I am not 25. I am a woman in her late 40s. I DO know hurt. I have been hurt many times. I love with my whole heart and this leaves us vunerable. I say "us" because you apparently love with your whole heart as well. That is why it feels as though you will never recover. You will recover. It will take time. Please don't search for another love until you are recovered. It would be doing yourself and your new partner a disservice. Do keep yourself busy with friends and family. Is there something new you have been wanting to try? Playing guitar, painting, writing poetry, hiking? Now is the time to try it. I feel your pain. It shows in your writing. I encourage you to work through it with your writing. Writing has been very therapeutic for me. All my anger and angst goes to my journal and I don't burn out my friends and family with the emotions of hurt. I wish there were a way to take the pain away but keeping yourself busy and allowing your mind to be open to new ways of thinking will help pass the time before healing occurs. Good Luck. You love with your whole self and soon some lucky woman will appreciate that. Let the other one go. Don't let her steal all your time and head space.
Author JL911 Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 As a musician I write a lot of songs, poetry, and just musical pieces. She always complained I never wrote a song about her...reflecting back on the words I have written already it seems every song I have ever wrote is about right now...So who knows... You are right people do make terrible decisions and hurt those who love them the most. I loved her unconditionally and loved her for who she was no matter what...Things got kinda crazy and spiraled out of control there at the end, but for whatever reason that love no longer became worth the relationship and thus the break-up....Its a shame and very disappointing... While I know what pain I am in and how much I still love and miss this person, I know that a reconsile right now would not be the most healthy thing to do for myself and it would not last. I am however convinced that someday she will realize what she had lost through a careless and hasty decision. I am a forgiving person, but there would be an awful lot of walls to break through before I would consider any type of make up or second chance...Im afraid too many...She will one day regret the wonderful person that she let go instead of working things out. We all make mistakes though...Forgiveness is one of the best forms of love though... Its all goes back to the old saying, "Break my heart once, shame on you...Break it twice, shame on me..." Things would really have to change and she would have to once again accept me for who and what I am, expecting nothing more and nothing less from me... I am capable of love and loving someone for the long haul...I really thought I had found the one for the rest of my life...Now it is just back to the drawing board to regain my self confidence and put myself back out there into the world and see what happens... I dont want a relationship now for a long time I am simply not capable right now...Im going back Stag for quite awhile and going to have some fun...At 25 and free again, I see no need to be tied down, I do not define myself by the person I am with. Ive already been out with a few nice young pretty ladies who while I have mentioned the old realtionship to, I have had a lot of laughs with and fun... I know my character and what I am...The right one will come along...This will be a growing experience, a learning experience, and something that forever changes the way I view life as a whole...I will come out of this disaster stronger...So will all of you...
silic0ntoad Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Whenever I get upset over my break up... I play this song... The outsider, by A Perfect Circle. Help me if you can It's just that this Is not the way I'm wired So could you please Help me understand why You've given in to all these Reckless dark desires You're Crying to yourself again Suicidal imbecile Think about it Put it on a faultline What'll it take to get it through to you precious? I'm over this Why do you wanna throw it away like this Such a mess Why would I wanna watch you Disconnect and self-destruct One bullet at a time What's your rush now Everyone will have his day to die Medicated Drama queen Picture perfect non-belligerence Narcissistic Drama queen Craving fame and all its decadence Lying through your teeth again Suicidal imbecile Think about it Put it on a faultline What'll it take to get it through to you precious I'm over this Why do wanna throw it away like this Such a mess Why would I wanna watch you Disconnect and self-destruct One bullet at a time What's your rush now, Everyone will have his day to die They were right about you They were right about you Lying to my face again Suicidal imbecile Think about it You put it on a faultline What'll it take to get it through to you precious? I'm over this Why do you wanna throw it away like this Such a mess COALESCE! COALESCE! Disconnect and self-destruct One bullet at a time What's your hurry, Everyone will have his day to die If you choose to pull the trigger Should your drama prove sincere Do it somewhere far away from here It's perfect when you think of it. These people become unbearable. They do become narcissists. They perform societal suicide with their drama and bullsh*t. It's sickening. But that song reminds me of that. Keeps me ticking.
bluewolf17 Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 JL911, Reading your post made me cry! It took me back to my breakup..I would always cry in my car. Any song on the radio made me cry. So I would drive around in silence..crying. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. You will pull through this just fine. I have posted this before..but this saying really puts things in a better light. "Watching you walk out of my life has not made me bitter or cynical about love. If I wanted so badley for it to work out with the wrong person, imagine how wonderfull it will be with the right person'. Just realize that there is greater love out there for you, and one day you will look back, and this breakup will make sense.
Author JL911 Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 Again...People all make mistakes...A bigger person can forgive them for their faults... I do love this girl...I will always have some feelings for her...She is young at 22 and may have made a terrible mistake but has yet to realize it. 1 of 3 things can come of this. 1. She realizes apologizes and I attempt to see if it can ever work out (and it may) 2. She realizes tries to apologize and I just cannot even bare the thought of going through this again... 3. She never calls or tries to contact me again regaurdless of how she feels... Bluewolf, Im glad something I wrote struck home...I will push through this. It is getting better. As I have said before I am the Alpha Male in my group of friends. I am better than this. It is all so disappointing. I will not change who I am for anyone...I may change to better myself, but that is all... My only worry is I will begin to get through this and she will pop up again to try to upset the balance of my life. No one should have that much control over your life.
silic0ntoad Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 My only worry is I will begin to get through this and she will pop up again to try to upset the balance of my life. No one should have that much control over your life. Problem always is this... If they are going to come back... It's always when you are over it... and have something else going on. Your halo gets pulled down. And once again, you feel like drowning. Seen it before. Will see it again.
Peanut9330 Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Problem always is this... If they are going to come back... It's always when you are over it... and have something else going on. Your halo gets pulled down. And once again, you feel like drowning. Seen it before. Will see it again. I second that it never fails, they always decided to come back when your over it.
EricaH329 Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 I second that it never fails, they always decided to come back when your over it. I third that!!
Author JL911 Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 Any particular reason why you think they always come back when you are over it? Are they really sorry?, figured it out?, Realized you were too good to them? I mean honestly like I said...I would not look past another try if the person can prove they are in fact different and able to love you for you finally... I know that sounds wrong, but in the past I have had gfs come back and dated again and had good relationships for awhile, and usually the 2nd time around I am the one who lets them down because in fact nothing has changed much, when that happens I am over it and ready to move on.
EricaH329 Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Any particular reason why you think they always come back when you are over it? Are they really sorry?, figured it out?, Realized you were too good to them? I mean honestly like I said...I would not look past another try if the person can prove they are in fact different and able to love you for you finally... I know that sounds wrong, but in the past I have had gfs come back and dated again and had good relationships for awhile, and usually the 2nd time around I am the one who lets them down because in fact nothing has changed much, when that happens I am over it and ready to move on. That doesn't sound wrong at all, it's the best way to go about it. If nothing changes, then there isn't any point in getting back into the relationship. As far as why they come back once you've gotten yourself back on your feet... i'm not too sure. I think every situation is different. It my situation, he had broken up with me, and I think he assumed I would always be around for him to take back. Once he found out that I was moving states away and getting a really good job and moving on with my life, he realized that I wasn't going to wait around for him. You know how some people say 'You don't know what you have until it's gone' ?? Well, I think the same applies when a person realizes that what they had, they may never get back again. It also has to do with the fact that 9 times out of 10, when a person breaks up with another person, they eventually at some point doubt if what they did was the right thing. Some people hold onto that doubt longer than others, while to some it may just be a passing thought. In my experiences though, most will hang onto it, waiting for some sort of validation as to why what they did was the right thing, or... until they find out that the other person doesn't need them. In which case, they realize they made a mistake. "I'm constantly thinking about whether or not I made the right decision, they are always on my mind... and yet they are moving on. They are no longer thinking about me. I made the wrong choice." Type of deal. That's just my opinion though.
singledad2 Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 JL911, Thanks for this thread. I heard alot of my story here as well. You sound like you have a pretty good foundation to work from. Keep it up. One day you will look back and realize how this was a way for you to take your life to the next level. Focus on the things that take care of YOU and I can't wait till the day we will hear ourselves on the other side of this, and we realize we are better off. If you look back on so much in your life, I think you will see similar bad time followed by even better things following. You didn't get to where you are in life without some spiritual/emotional/intellectual weight lifting getting you ready.
Devil Inside Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 Hey brother. Hang in there. It's funny how going through a break up is such a lonely experience..yet one that is universal. So many of the things you said reminded me of some of my experiences. Oh those lonely mornings! You seem to be a strong cat...I applaud you. keep that NC strong man...you got this!
Author JL911 Posted August 24, 2009 Author Posted August 24, 2009 Thank you for the kind words....Its been almost a month...now on the 3rd week of no contact...IT SUX!!! But what else can I do...
RouRou Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 JL911, Reading your post made me cry! It took me back to my breakup..I would always cry in my car. Any song on the radio made me cry. So I would drive around in silence..crying. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. You will pull through this just fine. I have posted this before..but this saying really puts things in a better light. "Watching you walk out of my life has not made me bitter or cynical about love. If I wanted so badley for it to work out with the wrong person, imagine how wonderfull it will be with the right person'. Just realize that there is greater love out there for you, and one day you will look back, and this breakup will make sense. "Watching you walk out of my life has not made me bitter or cynical about love. If I wanted so badley for it to work out with the wrong person, imagine how wonderfull it will be with the right person'. " WOW, very inspiring. My bf and I broke up probably about a month ago, we live together and some days it seems like we are not broken up at all but then a fight will happen and we are broken up again...but that quote really is something to think about...
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