staypositive Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 My H has cheated on me twice. The first time a year into the marriage and the second time, about 8 months ago. We have been married for almost 16 years. Two weeks ago, I noticed a lot of text messages and when I asked him about it, he said it was a woman he works with and that they were just friends and that nothing was going on. My H said that he wouldn't text her any more. After that converstation, I found that my H had looked up this OW on MySpace. I don't trust him. I think that if there wasn't something going on now, there would have been in the future. I think I am just afraid of change. I know that the next step should be to call an attorney (which I haven't done) but I do have an appointment set up to talk to a counselor. Can someone tell me how I can get the courage to follow through with this?
lupa Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 Time to start living for yourself. Others here will give you a better explanation than I can, since I'm just in the process, but simply put -- you only need a few things in your life: food, shelter, water, and if you have children they must be taken care of. Everything else is a WANT, and wants cause suffering. Start becoming strong, do things you like, find friends, get out of the house -- live for yourself. After that you find a lawyer, figure out your situation, and make a choice from there.
Author staypositive Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 That is good advice. Thank you
TaraMaiden Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 If it feels good, stick with it. When in doubt - don't. Your whole post is one of doubt, mistrust and get-out. So....? get out. Follow lupa's advice. Enjoy you, and live for you. That's who makes us happy, in the long run. we do.
Author staypositive Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 Thank you for telling me what I already knew, just didn't want to face it. I did contact an attorney today. My H told me "whatever I wanted" he would work with me. Of course, he hasn't been very motivated trying to work things out. My thoughts are, if my H wanted to save our marriage, then he would be doing something to gain my trust. He hasn't been doing anything out of the ordinary. So, I guess the lack of trying on his part is another sign that our marriage is over...right?
Author staypositive Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 But why does this bother me? I am the one that cannot trust him and I am not the one that had affairs. I should be the one to want the divorce and be happy that he isn't fighting me on this....but he isn't and it really makes me upset. He isn't doing anything. I am the one that has to contact the attorney. Could he really not care if we stayed married or not? Does he not care that our marriage is ending? Is this a reverse psych-thing that he is doing thinking that I will not go through with it? And why do I really care???? I should be thinking "it is time to get on with my life" and all I keep thinking is "he doesn't really care". Then I get angry and would like to scream and tell him how much I hurt but I don't because I don't think he would even care and that really hurts.... Is this normal?
TaraMaiden Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 because we're nurturing, caring, curative, emotionally supportive and loving, and men are rough, ruthless hunter-gatherer, tough guys. I dunno, that was just a complete shot in the dark with dummy bullets..... But you obviously care more than he does, so it's obviously going to hurt you more than it hurts him. So you need to focus that indignation and anger, and make them work for you, not weaken you.
2sure Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Some of this may be because you love him and are heartbroken he doesnt seem to feel the same way. But some of it is because you are the only victim of his actions. Not him, not the OW.
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