londondude Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 Hi all I'm a guy who's been single a while, since 2006. I've dated and kissed a few girls occassionally, but not gone out with or slept with anyone. I was pretty shy in my teens and didn't get any action...I've since had a couple of short but serious relationships, which I both ended. I'm now 27 and am more confident these days. If I go to a party then chatting up a girl isn't tricky, but I'm never the guy getting off with them an hour later or getting their number! I just don't feel comfortable getting intimate with someone I barely know. More so, I don't feel comfortable pursuing someone who I'm not totally into...the girl might be pretty and fun, but she's not so smart, or she's a bit bitchy, or whatever. I've been told by friends to just accept who I am and wait for the right one, but I've also been told that I'm too fussy. The thing is I'm not happy constantly being alone, and despite what it sounds like...I do love the ladies. So should I just carry on as is, or try and make some changes with how I am? Thanks all
joseffrost Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 Stay true to yourself, that's the bottom line. I've 'reinvented' myself a couple of times and though this hasn't harmed my chances with the ladies, it is only really useful for one night stands or other petty flings. If you change who you are you end up attracting the sort of women your false self would go for, and though it may be fun for a while, inside you - and your wants, needs and standards - will always stay pretty much the same.
WTRanger Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 You can change yourself to a point. As in your case, some more confidence and social talking skills may be needed. You are meeting girls at parties, which is so hit and miss. If you are not comfortable in one night stands, than I don't think that's something I would change. That's a good thing. Just work on yourself, gain confidence and try meeting girls outside of parties. Confidence is never a bad thing to improve yourself on.
Lizzie60 Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Well.. if you think you have to change certain points in order to be more popular with the ladies... then do.. No one can do it for you.. if you're not sure what you need to change.. maybe you can ask some good honest friends (female or male).. Confidence is probably the best turn-on for all the ladies out there.. just go for it.. be direct.. even a little agressive.. with a 2-day beard.. and a nasty dirty little smile... hummmmmmm my kind of guy..
Author londondude Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 Thanks for all the replies guys. The confidence/shyness thing isn't the main issue I feel...it's more that I see loads of women that I think are hot initially, but it fades 99% of the time on meeting them. You might say that I 'want to want' them. So do I try and force myself to go for it with a few ladies regardless, as long as I think they're hot? I mean I could say to myself 'you're just going to have to wait' but as mentioned I'm not enjoying the pretty much celibate lifestyle! Ta
joseffrost Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Thanks for all the replies guys. The confidence/shyness thing isn't the main issue I feel...it's more that I see loads of women that I think are hot initially, but it fades 99% of the time on meeting them. You might say that I 'want to want' them. So do I try and force myself to go for it with a few ladies regardless, as long as I think they're hot? I mean I could say to myself 'you're just going to have to wait' but as mentioned I'm not enjoying the pretty much celibate lifestyle! Ta Depends if you're looking for love or just sex? You can get the latter by making major changes on a nightly basis, especially in a city like London where you can be a different person depending on the night of the week. But based on my own experiences, if you are looking for love then any changes you make need to be genuine and lasting, otherwise you get comfortable when in a relationship and fall back into the 'old you' before you know it.
Author londondude Posted August 23, 2009 Author Posted August 23, 2009 Thanks for that Josef. Yes I'd like to meet someone special, though am not keen on long-term commitment at the moment. But irrespective of love I would indeed like to get laid...I've not had any action since 2006! The thing is when I meet a girl I can't just reduce it to sex, even though the next day I might supremely wish that I could have slept with her. Most guys probably can't understand this (well some can) but I think a lot of girls can! I take it you've had some fun in London then? Best
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