my body is a cage Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 It's weird, but lately I've been thinking about it and I've realized that I sabotage all of my potential relationships with guys I like because I have this inherent deeply-rooted feeling that the guys I like will never like me back. I just don't forsee it ever being a reality for me. Yet it's something I want badly- it's almost as if I feel like because I want it, I will never have it. With guys I don't like, I'm totally fine. In fact, guys I've made out with but decided I'm not interested in tend to be very interested. However, when I do like them I find a reason that they're too good for me. I usually get fixated on one person I like and look for evidence that they don't like me, and act accordingly. Some guy friends have told me that I'm attractive enough that it's all in my head. Either way, my insecurity manifests itself and as a result, I'm chronically single. I'm still having trouble letting go of this situation with one guy I feel like I really messed up. My question is: how do I start to feel that I am worthy of love? how do I get confident around guys I like? also- how do I let go of situations, stop obsessing, and stop putting guys on pedestals? Logically I realize that relationships are a common thing and that most people have them, but I don't know how to believe that it's possible for me. Any advice would be highly appreciated!
Isolde Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 I don't have your specific problem, as in I think I am as worthy of an R as anyone else, but I do sympathize with the part where you feel it just somehow isn't possible.
redant Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 Put yourself first. Love yourself and they will admire that and you can enjoy the relationship. My 2 cents.
Author my body is a cage Posted August 18, 2009 Author Posted August 18, 2009 Put yourself first. Love yourself and they will admire that and you can enjoy the relationship. My 2 cents. right, but how does one do this?
SoulSearch_CO Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 Stay out of any kind of relationship for awhile. Focus on yourself. Do things that make you happy, that fill your cup, so to speak. Be 100% happy with yourself and your contribution to your world before trying to pull a SO into the picture. Don't look for your outward validation from a man - you don't need it.
redant Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 You can learn to. For me there are things I really like to do so when I do these things I focus on what I'm doing and this gives me self worth. Helping others in need also good. I used to put guys on a pedastal. I finally realized they need to work very hard to earn that spot.
O_angelsparkle_O Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 I've totally been there and now I'm engaged! It's true what they say..."love yourself". Unfortunately, it's a slow and annoying, yet necessary step to being in an amazing relationship. For me, it was a mixture of discovering what I loved to do (and filling all my time with those things) and being in a few unfortunate situations with men, which led to quite a few heartbreaks. This was motivation enough to growing and helping myself reach that point to get what I wanted...Love. Think of your childhood (the happiest moments for you). For me, this included running, bike riding with my friends, playing music, hanging out with my friends, trying new things... I did those things except with a little more maturity, since I'm not 9 years old anymore, hahahaha. But I just made myself do things...for ME. And eventually I became this person who LOVED my life and I got a LOT of dates...but the growing didn't end there. Once love arrived, I had to work on "keeping" it...i.e. don't stop doing the things that fulfill you! I heard this quote once..."Don't stop smiling, because you never know who's watching you." That's when your man will see you and fall in love...always remember that.
OldBull Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 I feel that way when I meet someone I really like too!!! And I thought I was the only one!!!!
SoulSearch_CO Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 don't stop doing the things that fulfill you! Bingo. I think far too many women make this mistake - dropping everything in their lives to be with a man. You create a vacuum that then needs to be filled by your new hobby...only he doesn't want to be your new hobby. Keep your separate lives and keep doing the things that make you happy - it's what he fell in love with in the first place!
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