muse08 Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 i work for my sister's husband. he's having an affair with 2 different women currently. i have concrete info, based on phone calls and items found in trash. i don't know how to tell my sister.
whichwayisup Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 Hand over the proof you have to her, quit your job and let her know that you'll be there to help and support her through this, whatever she needs..
SidLyon Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 i work for my sister's husband. he's having an affair with 2 different women currently. i have concrete info, based on phone calls and items found in trash. i don't know how to tell my sister. Something very similar happened to me a few years ago with my sister-in-law. I told my sister-in-law and she of course discussed it with her partner who gave her an excuse my SIL found acceptable. Meanwhile her partner continued on with the OW and virtually taunted me with "she believes me, not you". At one stage he exposed himself to me and without witnesses there wasn't a thing I could do about it, as the family already felt that I had an unreasonable dislike of him. Basically I endured the situation and my SIL's relationship eventually came to an end. It was a great relief to me. This is a really tricky situation as you risk the relationship you have with your sister. If I were again placed in the same position I was last time I would be much more careful. I would present her with the facts ie copies of e-mails, text messages, long lunches, what you overheard, used condoms etc. Leave it to your sister to draw any conclusions unless of course you caught them in the act in which case just say what you saw not what you concluded. Try not to let any dislike you have of him show through as you may well be dismissed with "oh she doesn't like him". The other options are to keep it to yourself or to confront him about it. You risk becoming complicit though if your sister ever finds out. Another is to reveal all to both the OW - you don't need to be so careful with them (unless they are your friends as well). Just give each of them a few lurid details about the A your BIL is conducting with the other, without initially letting on that you know about the OW you are talking to - it's possible they don't know about each other and may take action accordingly. Personally I prefer knowledge and information to secrecy and deceit. Good luck with whatever you do - if you do decide to say something to either him or your sister it will require all the tact and discretion you can muster. S
bentnotbroken Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 I am not trying to be rude, but I wouldn't need to ask other how to tell my sister. You love her, blood is thicker than water and she is being mistreated. Hand over info, open mouth, tell her the truth, hug her and don't let go.
MadMission Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 Plan a meeting with your sister in private. Go with all the concrete proof in hand. Start with "I am so sorry I have to tell you this...." She may not believe you at first, but with solid proof, it will be indisputable. She will likely be in shock. Do not blast or bad-mouth her H. Just listen.... and honestly answer any questions she may have about what you have witnessed at work. Avoid giving your opinion on her H...just provide the facts. Support and comfort her. Tell her that you will be available anytime she needs to talk. I wish you and your sister all the best. You are doing the right thing by telling her.
LakesideDream Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 The economy is affecting this one. There is a "J-O-B-" involved, not easily replaced I'm guessing. The "right" thing to do is to quit the job, then tell your sister what's going on. Right may not feed you. Money is the elephant in this room. This economy has created many unintended consequences.
Author muse08 Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 it's always easier said than done. i know my sister. her temper is something to reckon with. she may get so upset that she makes herself sick, literally... BY ALL MEANS I WILL TELL HER...my question is (to the individual who was sarcastic) HOW to present this to her not should i, or should i not.i have a conscience and yes blood is waaaay more thicker than water.my brother in law was a great man outside of this situation, so i don't hate him.this is why is such a shocker to me and my kids who look up to him. yes, i want my job, but quitting this one and getting a new one because of this situation is more important to me of course. .....reality check...who takes marriage serious anymore? (may be another topic) but seriously...who?
MadMission Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 muse, Your sister may go into shock and shut down....OR she may go balistic and into a rage...or anything in between. Your role in this is to calmly and caringly tell her what you know. Just the facts. Do not share YOUR assumptions or opinions. Do not try and tell her what to do...ie that she should kick him out or try to reconcile. Keep YOUR emotions out of it. Just be there for her. It will take her a long time to to really process WHAT you are saying. Make sure you meet with her at a time when you both have a lot of time and not right before she has to be somewhere else. On parting, tell her that she can call you 24/7...anytime she needs to. Oh, and about her H being so wonderful. Well, he's not. He is just a polished actor who basically has had everyone fooled as to his character, integrity, honesty, loyalty, etc. My H was the same exact way...and maintained that same image. Had everyone fooled. Also, at some point, but not the same time you tell your sister, maybe a week or so later....encourage her to get thoroughly tested for STD's.
Author muse08 Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 thank you so much @ "madmission". i think she'll go ballistic...
bentnotbroken Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 thank you so much @ "madmission". i think she'll go ballistic... As the sarcastic one....if she does go ballistic, doesn't she have that right? I have a younger sister who would do exactly the same thing. Still it has to be done and coming from someone who loves her will always be more important than her finding out on her own. And yes I know what the economy is like, your sister or your job only you can decide. You may not lose either.
Author muse08 Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 ...of course she has the right to go ballistic. i would probably do the same. as i have said before.this post is NOT about whether or not to tell her...rather, it's about the approach to take when telling her. i pretty much have made up in my mind how to handle it. i've never been one to put water before blood.
bentnotbroken Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 ...of course she has the right to go ballistic. i would probably do the same. as i have said before.this post is NOT about whether or not to tell her...rather, it's about the approach to take when telling her. i pretty much have made up in my mind how to handle it. i've never been one to put water before blood. Good for you. The approach no matter how you chose to go, she will know it comes from love and respect.
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