tokyo79 Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 Hi everyone, I keep experiencing unrequited love. My first time was when l was 14 and l had an infatuation with someone 2 years above me at school. I thought he was the best thing since sliced bread. Unfortunately for me, however, he didn't even know my first name. Just recently ( in the past 6 months) l have had yet another painful experience with someone l met in a lodging house in Tokyo. I was not interested in him initially, but as we got talking l found myself liking him. First as a friend and then l began to feel attracted to him. We started fooling around, as it were, but he went cold on me and eventually it turns out he just didn't have any interest in me in the first place. He just saw me as a friend. Everyone in our friendship group thought we were serious about eachother, even a random Japanese bloke said we made a nice couple. He would come into my room in the morning and hold me in his arms before he went to work, so when he went cold on me it was very hurtful. I don't feel used, because l think it was partly miscommunication on my part, but l can't believe l let myself get into this kind of situation again. Before l came to Tokyo, l had a Japanese friend, who l was mad about, but he had a long term girlfriend. It didn't stop me from liking him though; this went on for about two years. I have had boyfriends, not so serious and a little serious, but the men l have been out with never treated me very well. When l was a teenager the boys at school wouldn't touch me with a bargepole; l got high grades at school and l have quite an eccentric personality (musician). I was also not considered attractive and my dad said l was quite ugly from 13 - 16 (it's like all my features got to big for my face). Having a mother everyone describes as beautiful or pretty didn't really help. My teen year experiences have haunted me throughout my adult life and l think that may have contributed to this problem. I just don't know where l am going wrong and why l am always chasing and going after men, who don't really like me. What is making things worse is l have aged badly and people keep thinking l am well into my 30's (l'm 30) and the kids l teach call me yucky. I even had one boy sit in my lesson who kept saying " you are ugly, you are so ugly". They don't say things like this to the other foreign staff, just me. I have even had small groups of japanese teens pretend to run away from me calling "obachan" - this translates as "aunty" a term used for women in their 40s and 50s. It's like things are getting worse and worse - l really don't know what to do. All l know is l need to do something about this, but l don't know where to start. Any help would be really appreciated. Thank you
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