This sucks

[colosseum]

1 week left before we see each other, and I feel it's falling apart.

 

I've been stressed a lot lately with family and my work, and it also stinks that it's been a long 3.5 months. She's a busy girl and since it's her first summer break since school she is out with her friends a lot, especially now that she's going back to school soon.

 

I've been wanting to talk to her but she is busy, and for some reason I try to be big-hearted and understanding but it just gets to me. She's always the one that has to go first (but she is also one to call me first usually) and for some reason it sucks.

 

I talked to her today and I was moody, but I didn't tell her why. She asked but I just didn't want to talk about it. But now it's weird and she just thinks I'm moody.

 

If you look at the other posts you may be able to tell I've been having doubts too, and I wonder how much of them is from my stresses at home or genuine.

 

Not feeling great, and I know she's not either.

 

1 week before we get back; pathetic isn't it?

 

What do you think?

[kizik]

I was in an LDR for 10 months. She dumped me the month before we were supposed to live in the same city again.

 

In my experience, these things never work out, and it's best to admit when it's not working out. People change. Completely. One month you know 'em, the next month you don't.

 

She is playing the busy card. Never a good sign. If I were you, I'd be seriously worried about getting dumped.

 

Just saying. And I'm sorry. It's so hard, and it hurts like hell. But be prepared for this thing to end.

[Romance]

I feel the same way as you, it's a sucky feeling. You feel mad at them kinda in a way even though they've done nothing wrong.

 

See if this visit in a week feels right, you'll know it if it's worth it.

[colosseum]

I was in an LDR for 10 months. She dumped me the month before we were supposed to live in the same city again.

 

In my experience, these things never work out, and it's best to admit when it's not working out. People change. Completely. One month you know 'em, the next month you don't.

 

She is playing the busy card. Never a good sign. If I were you, I'd be seriously worried about getting dumped.

 

Just saying. And I'm sorry. It's so hard, and it hurts like hell. But be prepared for this thing to end.

 

Damn dude sorry to hear that.

 

But do you really think she is playing the busy card? I want to give her the benefit of the doubt because she does have a lot of friends...but then again I do feel I've been lower on her priority list.

 

Which I'm not so sure about. On the one hand it seems stupid that a SO should be low on that person's priority list, but on the other hand in LDR, I don't know if that's okay since hell, we are hundreds of miles apart.

[colosseum]

I feel the same way as you, it's a sucky feeling. You feel mad at them kinda in a way even though they've done nothing wrong.

 

See if this visit in a week feels right, you'll know it if it's worth it.

 

Thanks Romance...and yeah I'll see if it feels right...if we last this week...

[Romance]

Thanks Romance...and yeah I'll see if it feels right...if we last this week...

 

Haha, it'll fly right by! Tough it out!

[colosseum]

Thanks Romance...

 

By the way:

 

I'll call you when I can.

 

Bad sign or genuine? Or bad sign because it's genuine?

[Romance]

Thanks Romance...

 

By the way:

 

I'll call you when I can.

 

Bad sign or genuine? Or bad sign because it's genuine?

 

In my opinion, it kind of depends!

 

If she was like "Ah, Im so busy today! But I definitely want to talk, I'll call you when I can" type of tone/way I'd say that was good.

 

..If it was a text, that has no tone so I dunno how to take that!

[musgrrl]

I would just become less available. If she calls, don't always answer. I'm not saying to ignore her, but just don't pick up the phone every time she calls. She's controlling the relationship. It should feel equal. I speak from experience. It used to be the same with with my SO. He would call me and I would be so happy to hear from him, that I picked up everytime he called. Then he would be the first to go. Now, I just don't call as much and I'm not always available when he does call. I'm also sometimes the first one to go first. You need to change it up and make her wonder about you for a change. It has really helped to make me feel better in the relationship and it also has made him more attentive.

 

I know this may be hard and it may feel like you are playing games. But if you feel that you are going to be tempted to call her or pick up everytime she calls you, try putting your cell phone on a silent setting when you are at home (if you can afford to do this. I wouldn't want you to miss very important calls). Become pre-occupied with other things.

[kizik]

do you really think she is playing the busy card? I want to give her the benefit of the doubt because she does have a lot of friends...but then again I do feel I've been lower on her priority list.

 

Which I'm not so sure about. On the one hand it seems stupid that a SO should be low on that person's priority list, but on the other hand in LDR, I don't know if that's okay since hell, we are hundreds of miles apart.

 

Colosseum - what you're saying makes sense. No, you should not be or feel like a low priority. Your feelings are valid. It doesn't sound like you are causing or creating drama here; you just want her to treat you like a loved boyfriend! As far as the busy card, yes, to me it sounds like an excuse for her to begin (or continue) emotionally distancing herself from you.

 

I would just become less available. If she calls, don't always answer. I'm not saying to ignore her, but just don't pick up the phone every time she calls. She's controlling the relationship. It should feel equal. I speak from experience. It used to be the same with with my SO. He would call me and I would be so happy to hear from him, that I picked up everytime he called. Then he would be the first to go. Now, I just don't call as much and I'm not always available when he does call. I'm also sometimes the first one to go first. You need to change it up and make her wonder about you for a change. It has really helped to make me feel better in the relationship and it also has made him more attentive.

 

I know this may be hard and it may feel like you are playing games. But if you feel that you are going to be tempted to call her or pick up everytime she calls you, try putting your cell phone on a silent setting when you are at home (if you can afford to do this. I wouldn't want you to miss very important calls). Become pre-occupied with other things.

 

Musgrrl makes some excellent points about balance and control. But my feeling is that you should never have to play these games in a loving relationship. You are at the unfortunate point, however, in which it seems like you DO need to become less available in order to regain some control and self-esteem.

 

But this is a BAD thing. Go light contact and see if she squirms. If she DOESN'T - it's on its way out.

[colosseum]

I would just become less available. If she calls, don't always answer.

 

You know, I don't always answer. It just seems she makes herself available only on certain occasions, when, well, it's convenient for her. She does seem to be controlling the relationship, which is really interesting because I definitely started out in control, but since LDR and the stress I guess she's taken over. Blows.

 

As far as the busy card, yes, to me it sounds like an excuse for her to begin (or continue) emotionally distancing herself from you.

 

Well...that sucks.

 

You are at the unfortunate point, however, in which it seems like you DO need to become less available in order to regain some control and self-esteem.

 

But this is a BAD thing. Go light contact and see if she squirms. If she DOESN'T - it's on its way out.

 

Um...so we've been "light contact" for all through LDR really, say 2x a week. Should I just go MIA next time she calls then?

[kizik]

If you are always the one initiating contact, and she is the first to get off the phone, and this is frustrating and disappointing you, then my suggestion would simply be to not contact her. At all.

 

Now, if she calls YOU, I think it's fine to answer. But try not to put up with any of her usual BS, OK?

[carvidep]

"I talked to her today and I was moody, but I didn't tell her why. She asked but I just didn't want to talk about it. But now it's weird and she just thinks I'm moody."

 

Maybe you should tell her why. If she's emotionally distancing herself from you, it could be because she doesn't understand your "moodiness" which could go away with a simple explanation of you feeling like you're lower on her priority list than you used to be. You might want to consider that before messing around with lessening your contact even more.

[Spirit of the Ocean]

Since it's just a week more, I think you should try and wait a bit and talk about it with your girlfriend when you see her next. She probably has no idea how you feel, and probably assumes that you are okay with not talking as much.

 

Also, my advise is don't shut her out if you're in a bad mood. My SO did that a couple of times, cos he says he hates complaining on Skype or over the phone. So he'd be in a bad mood but wouldn't really tell me why and it would drive me up the wall! It's hard enough knowing that something's bothering your SO but not being able to do/say anything to cheer them up is awful.

 

Good luck! I hope things work out for you.

[Spirit of the Ocean]

You know, I don't always answer. It just seems she makes herself available only on certain occasions, when, well, it's convenient for her. She does seem to be controlling the relationship, which is really interesting because I definitely started out in control, but since LDR and the stress I guess she's taken over. Blows.

 

 

 

Well...that sucks.

 

 

 

Um...so we've been "light contact" for all through LDR really, say 2x a week. Should I just go MIA next time she calls then?

 

I just think before (or if) you go MIA, you should tell her how you feel about the lack of communication.Like I said she probably has no idea that you want more. Can I just ask though, why only twice a week?

[hoping2heal]

1 week left before we see each other, and I feel it's falling apart.

 

I've been stressed a lot lately with family and my work, and it also stinks that it's been a long 3.5 months. She's a busy girl and since it's her first summer break since school she is out with her friends a lot, especially now that she's going back to school soon.

 

I've been wanting to talk to her but she is busy, and for some reason I try to be big-hearted and understanding but it just gets to me. She's always the one that has to go first (but she is also one to call me first usually) and for some reason it sucks.

 

I talked to her today and I was moody, but I didn't tell her why. She asked but I just didn't want to talk about it. But now it's weird and she just thinks I'm moody.

 

If you look at the other posts you may be able to tell I've been having doubts too, and I wonder how much of them is from my stresses at home or genuine.

 

Not feeling great, and I know she's not either.

 

1 week before we get back; pathetic isn't it?

 

What do you think?

 

I'm confused. Last week you were saying you knew it wasn't going to work out with her, that it most likely wasn't something you said out of a moment of insecurity, and that you just knew things weren't going to work out. Now you've changed your mind or?

[colosseum]

If you are always the one initiating contact, and she is the first to get off the phone, and this is frustrating and disappointing you, then my suggestion would simply be to not contact her. At all.

 

She's usually the one calling me actually (which makes the dynamic even more toward her control). Should I call her?

 

Maybe you should tell her why. If she's emotionally distancing herself from you, it could be because she doesn't understand your "moodiness" which could go away with a simple explanation of you feeling like you're lower on her priority list than you used to be.

 

Since it's just a week more, I think you should try and wait a bit and talk about it with your girlfriend when you see her next...

Also, my advise is don't shut her out if you're in a bad mood...

 

Sounds like I should just talk to her about what made me moody and how I feel like a lower priority. That's what my friend told me to do yesterday too. Makes sense, haha.

 

Can I just ask though, why only twice a week?

 

Well, we've both been kinda busy for the summer but also we're not...actually official...yet. Which was really stupid in retrospect, because once we return and it feels right, I want to lock things up.

 

I'm confused. Last week you were saying you knew it wasn't going to work out with her, that it most likely wasn't something you said out of a moment of insecurity, and that you just knew things weren't going to work out. Now you've changed your mind or?

 

You should be confused, lol since I'm directly contradicting myself. I think I'm less willing to make a firm declaration on my feelings right now because I've learned this summer how much LDR sucks and can be difficult. I guess I learned not to rely too heavily on unwarranted/unnecessary doubts or thoughts that may come up in LDR (unwarranted/unnecessary = not explicitly talked about with girl).

 

Question: How to come off genuine but not needy?

[kizik]

I don't think you sound very happy. You should end this thing