Left hanging....there is nothing worse!

[hrtbrkn]

Hi everyone,

 

To any one who does take the time to read this and respond, you are truly appreciated because I know it’s long, but I feel you need these details to be somewhat informed of the circumstances.

 

I met a guy in June while over in the UK this summer. I am 27, he is about to turn 24. Our connection and mutual interest in one another was instant and lasted throughout my stay (2 weeks). When I came back home to North America, we kept in contact. We talked just about every day, mostly after 2 am his time, when he would get off of work. Due to the fact that he does not make much money and it was cheaper for me, I would be the one to call him all of the time. This held up for about three weeks, and in this time we planned a trip for him to come visit me in North America as we had talked about this when I was in the UK. [by the way, he has always wanted to come here and was excited about it]. He wanted to save and pay for the trip but I knew that would take a long time, so I offered to pay for his ticket, with him insisting he pay me back and planning to finish submit his passport application. We had filled out as much as possible of the application while I was still in the UK. What he had left to do was get documents from his mother (who lives in another town), pay for it, and travel over 4 hrs to a main city for the interview. He admitted to me that he was not able to do it earlier because of funds.

 

The last real conversation we had was a little over three weeks ago. Our conversation was different from other times as it was longer than usual. He mentioned that he is going to have to take a day off of work and stay in a hotel to travel for the interview. I let him know that I did not like our communication and wanted to talk more – we talked about setting aside a time to get into deeper discussions. I also wanted to buy and send him a laptop so as to communicate better. We had talked about this all along (since I got back hiome, and he was always concerned with paying me back for it. But I also asked, if things (communication) would be the same if I sent the laptop, to which he said it no, it would be different. We ended that conversation agreeing to talk for an hr at a certain time the next day. He said talk to you soon.

 

When I did call at that time the next day (twice), it rang out. I waited until the following day and sent him a txt first asking how his day was going and then saying “I don’t want to nag u, [well maybe just a little ] but I want to remind u that from aug 1, it will be exactly 6 weeks until you have to leave & ur application process should take about 6 weeks, so REALLY try to submit it this week, k”. This was a week before Aug 1st. I got no reply.

 

I figured, I didn’t want to pressure him anymore so I waited 3 days, then txtd “Are you working now?” – so that I could know what time to call him to talk (as we’ve done in the past). No reply.

 

The next day I sent a txt saying “______, for a week now u haven’t picked up when I’ve called and not replied to my txts. I honestly don’t know where I stand with you. And I’m frustrated.” At the time, I thought for sure this would get a response. Nothing,

 

Friday, I called his work and asked if he was working, just to make sure he was alive. He was there.

 

Saturday, I called his phone, no answer, so I left a voicemail allowing him to hear the hurt and vulnerability in my voice and basically saying that I don’t know what’s going on and I’d like to talk him and if this is about the passport, we can have the date moved and that I was hurting. No response to this either.

 

Normally, I would not be so persistent, but because of the travel plans, I really wanted to talk to him.

 

After that, I was very hurt. I did not attempt to contact him in any way for a week. When a week had passed, I called him at work (since I figured it was the only way to talk to him). My intention was to find out if I should cancel the ticket and what was going on. He came on the phone and at first said “Who is this?” which took me aback. Then he asked how I’ve been doing. I asked him what’s going on and he replied that he’d been so busy working. Then he asked me to call him at 2 (in an hour) and I asked “Is your number still the same? Because I was calling you last week…” and he interrupts and tells me that he got all of my messages. So I asked if he will pick up if I call him at 2, and he assured me that he will. Well, big surprise, I call around 2, he did not pick up. I waited and tried again twice more, nothing. Then I texted “Should I cancel the ticket?” No response. I waited like half an hour, tried calling again twice, he ignored my calls.

 

That was a little over a week ago. It’s been over three weeks since that last real conversation. And I have not been dealing with this well at all. I’ve lost a lot of weight, cannot sleep and have lost motivation for just about everything. The emotional pain is much worse than any physical pain I’ve ever felt.

 

Now, all I want to know is why. I need the closure. But he is not showing me the respect, decency or maturity to let me know. I’m not an idiot, I do see how he is treating me but I want to know if this has to with money/passport – because I would probably forgive him and try to work it out. But I know it can just be that he got sick of me, for whatever reason (i.e. wanting too much too fast) or possibly has found someone else or whatever. I literally cannot stop thinking about what it could be and I know wondering about it wont give me answers.

 

I know this sounds so desperate, but does anyone have any suggestions as to what I can do to find out. I know many will say move on, he’s not worth it but it is almost impossible to do so. And the process of moving on will take so much longer and much more painful being left in the dark like this…

[silic0ntoad]

Any explanation he has would probably be false anyway.

 

Being that this dude seems kind of like a loser (not enough money for a laptop? Or plane ticket?) I would advise to date a MAN and not a BOY. You sound like a compassionate individual. You just need to buck up and cut this dude off.

[Danielle46]

I know that saying to move on is something that you either don't want to hear or something you cannot do at this moment.

 

To be honest, I think he is giving you his answer...no doubt, in an immature way, but nonetheless, an answer. If a guy wants to see you and sees this as an opportunity to pursue something great with you, then he would make an effort to do so. He's simply pushing you aside. You don't deserve this.

 

I know that waiting for an answer is painstaking and you just want to flat out hear a definite response from him...but for some reason I don't think that's going to happen. Let's look at it this way...you don't have a lot invested with him...you didn't date for a long period of time, you didn't transfer money to him or buy him a laptop...so really, although painful, you aren't losing much outside of him.

 

If this relationship is worth it, then it will happen. Please don't try to salvage something that isn't there. He's being a creep right now. I don't usually say things like this because I know what its like to really be into someone and them not appreciate you...but this situation is too new, too uninvolved for you to be dedicating this much of your time to it.

 

He isn't responding...don't waste your time or energy...don't cave into his ways. Cancel his damn ticket and let him alone. If he sees that you aren't hanging onto his every word, he may realize that he is shutting someone out who could have been a really awesome friend (or more) to him.

 

I don't know the whole jist of your conversations while you were together...but Im assuming he grasped your heart immediately. You also have to realize that this is VERY long distance and maybe for him, he doesn't see it as being able to work. Granted, again, he is handling this in an immature and rediculous fashion...but maybe he doesn't know any different?

 

Look, I wish you the best and I wish that everything would work out as you want it too. You seem like a very kind person and someone who is more than caring. Please don't waste this valuable energy on someone who isn't willing to give you the time of day right now.

 

I hope you can view this from all angles eventually. You may get some harsh responses on here because of the content of everything, but I know that doesn't help anyone to hear something like that. Either way, you know what you need to do, and even if you don't right now, in time, you will.

 

I think you'll make the right decision... just really think hard about everything and if it's truly worth your time to keep trying when he isn't. It takes two to tango...a relationship (in any means) can't be a one way street.