lovefool83 Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 Hi, I wonder if anybody has any advice or has been in my situation before and can tell me how long it will be before I start to feel normal again? I was with my ex boyfriend for 5 years, we have always had our ups and downs but generally I believe we had a good relationship-at least that's what I thought! About 3 months ago, out of the blue, he phoned me up to say it was over (this was after having spent the whole weekend together). His reason was that he didn't think he was as commited to the relationship as I was- that was it. I was devastated and completely shocked, I had had no idea that this is what he had been thinking. We had been planning on moving in together and had gone shopping for furniture etc, I had even got a new job in the same city as him so that I could live with him and he always talked about how great it would be when we were finally living together. If anything, he seemed more eager than me (I had my reservations as he is quite immature for his age sometimes!). Anyway, as tough as it was I tried to accept it and hoped that if I gave him some space that he would maybe miss me. I wrote him a letter and told him how I felt but apart from a couple of text messages, to which he replied, I didn't contact him then for 3 months. Recently, I texted him again to see if he wanted to meet up as I really missed his company and I thought that I was finally getting to a place where I was ok with the situation and I wanted to prove this to him. He replied immediately saying how much he missed me and how he was an idiot because he had spent some of the best times in his life with me. So I met him and it was just like old times, we chatted and laughed but he never mentioned the break up. He said that he really wanted to meet me again soon and we arranged to meet up a few days later. In the meantime, he rang me to admit that he had actually been dating a girl recently but that he was going to end it because he missed me too much and had realised that it was too soon to start dating again. I was upset but not too much because I believed him when he said it was only a couple of dates and that he was going to end it. Then, when we finally did meet up, he said this again and pleaded with me to let him see me more often. He started flirting with me and pretty soon, after a few glasses of wine on my part, we ended up in bed together. Afterwards he went straight to sleep and I regretfully looked at his phone. I found a series of messages from this girl he had been seeing, which to me seemed more than a few casual dates, so I confronted him about this. He just got really angry with me and stormed out of my flat, saying "What did you expect? I told you I was seeing someone!" . The next day I rang him and he was really cool with me. I apologised for looking at his phone but said I wanted to know the truth. He said "It doesn't matter. I'll phone you in a few weeks. Gotta go now". This made me so mad so I texted him afterwards to say "Are you still going out with this girl then?" and he just texted me back with "Yes, it's early days. That's all I have to say about the matter". Now I'm left just feeling really stupid, used and sick to think that he could sleep with me and then go straight back to bed with her! I don't understand what he's playing at. Please help me!
silic0ntoad Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 I'd bet money that he hasn't slept with her yet. And to do so with you was building up his confidence. Tear down his halo and cut him off. You need to be strong for yourself. My sister is in a similar situation. Being used is a horrid feeling. You need to walk away dignity intact. Otherwise, you'll keep pining for him. Let him go.
Author lovefool83 Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 Thanks, I'm starting to realise what a jerk he is but it's still tough moving on.
manaja Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Thanks, I'm starting to realise what a jerk he is but it's still tough moving on. Ive been in a similar situation myself up to a couple of months ago, all I can say is sever all ties with him, cut him off totally and get on with your life, its difficult but its the only way,Ive starting thinking about my ex girlfriend less and less as the days go by, I dont actually see why she drew me in like she did , I had been out with her before 3 years ago she dumped me then to go back to her ex, when we got back together this time, she had aged a lot , I actually thought she looked a bit rough if im honest, I think I was just clinging to the idea of having been dumped, which isnt nice for anyone.... best way. best of luck.
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