bluewolf17 Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 Hi all, I need a kick in the pants. My ex and I have been broken up since the end of February. I dumped him, but I am the one who took the break up hard. Begged him back, everything. He still keeps in contact with me. I have gone NC up to 4 weeks at a time, telling him that I can't keep it up, and can't be friends. In July we were talking, and I told him again that friends doesn't work, and that we aren't giving eachother the same thing, and that we can't keep in contact. I didn't hear from him for three weeks. I had a Europe trip starting in August, and he texted me twice before I left asking if I had left, and saying have fun. I didn't reply. He emailed me three times while I was away, asking if we could hang out..but he understands if I cant. Then another telling me how proud he is of me for going, then another asking if I need him to water my plants while I am gone, and again asking to hang out, and hoping we can talk soon. I got text's last night, asking if I had jet lag, and then one asking if I could call him sometime. I go back and forth. I really miss him. He never kept contact with his other exe's..we were together 3.5 years. I would like to start somthing with him. I wish I knew what was going on in his head. Neither of us has dated anyone since the break up. My fear is that I call him and we have a great chat..but nothing results with it. I want to move on..but I feel like he keeps reaching out for me. It's obvious he still cares. And the break up was due to the fact that I felt we wanted diffrent things. I wanted a great job, school, balance..etc. He still acts like a high schooler..no job, hangs around the house all day..etc. It wore on me. Anyhow, I guess I still love him...don't know what to do with his contact with me. Kick me now.
Author bluewolf17 Posted August 17, 2009 Author Posted August 17, 2009 Any advice helps! Ignore or pursue?!
silic0ntoad Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 Well, if you can look past his short comings, then I say go for it. You only have one life to lead, after all. Otherwise, cut him loose.
Nedved Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 First things first bluewolf17 how was europe? What did you think of Vienna? I think you've done really well to ignore him so far bluewolf17 but now its really up to you what your next move is. He's reaching out regular and not getting any responce which shows you are very much in his thoughts so you just have to decide now to take the chance and ask him what he wants? there is a risk involved here and he may just wanna have you as a 'friend 'and you'l be kicking yourself if you let him back in so easily after what you went through. On the otherhand he genuinely might wanna try and make it work again and you clearly miss him so maybe this could work out well but be very careful. you seem to be doing okay without him. If i was in your situation i think i would wait till he basically texted and said he wants you back and then decide. Let him go for broke and take the risk. You hold all the ace's here not him. he's the one making contact. until he gives any indication of what he wants i'd keep going the way your going and ignore him.
SweetyBear Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 Yes, please tell us what a wonderful time you had in Europe...! As for your question, it seemed like before you left you were pretty resolved to not respond to him anymore. It would be nice if you could figure out his level of interest without putting yourself out there, but I'm not sure how you'd do it. Yes, if nothing comes of it, you'll be hurt again, but if you decide not to respond at all, will you kick yourself forever for not finding out? I guess the answer lies in which is more important to you. If you believe that this is just another half-hearted gesture on his part, then let it go. If you aren't sure and NEED to know, the only way to find out is to have a sit down. I'd wouldn't worry this time about trying to remind him of the great girl you are. It sounds like he finally remembered so if you decide to be in contact, if I were you, I'd want to know right upfront what his plans are and how you are both going to do it different this time around. Don't settle for half-hearted BS. You don't deserve that.
Author bluewolf17 Posted August 17, 2009 Author Posted August 17, 2009 Europe was amazing. Italy was awesome, food in Switzerland was the best, and Vienna had a fun night life. I am happy to be home though. So Im thinking I might wait. Just see if he sends more contact. "call me sometime" just seems so lazy..even if he did send all the emails. How would I go about asking him what his intentions are? Just be blunt and say, what do you want from me? The more I think about it, the more I feel he just missed me, but isn't 100% sure on anything still. If he wanted me, wouldn't he make it obvious? Yes he has been reaching out a lot with no response from me, but shouldn't his emails say "I have been thinking of you a lot, and would like to talk, or I miss you, etc? Not cracking jokes and asking to "hang out". Right?
Nedved Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 I would'nt ask him anything till you know for sure blue. As i said let him come clean with it and tell you want he wants. he's the one contacting you so he should be he one that go's for broke and comes right out with it if he wants you back. If you ask him what his intentions are how would you feel of he just says he wants to be friends and hang out? You clearly still have strong feelings for him and thats not what you wanna hear. Your right his emails should be saying that and thats what would make me think that he just wants you back in his life possibly as a friend. He's missing you no doubt so let him miss you till such time he tells you what you want to hear. He might not be telling ' I have been thinking of you a lot, and would like to talk' because he genuinely might only wanna be friends. glad you enjoyed europe by the way.
andreww Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 hes probably thinking the same thing that you are. shes not replying maybe shes not that interested so i wont bombard her with phone calls
Author bluewolf17 Posted August 18, 2009 Author Posted August 18, 2009 yup. Thanks. I thought about it a lot. He's just reaching out, but for what I have no idea. If he really wanted to try somthing, he would make it more clear. I'm betting he just wants to check in, make sure I don't hate him, etc. Probably just wants to make sure were on good terms, and then once the conversation is over I will be back where I started. Missing him. I won't call, text or email. I wouldn't be suprised if I heard from him again, but I also wouldn't be suprised if his messages still hold no meaning. Thanks guys. NC sucks but ruining it sucks more.
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