ahotmess Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 So I had a thought today and wanted to get some opinions. Long story short (I promise): my BF broke up with me, and the very next day started dating my very close friend (who was/is married). She left her husband 3 days after my breakup. They are going through a divorce and the ex and the ex friend are living life as if they've overcome the odds and are the perfect happy couple now. When he broke up with me he fed me the "I don't know what I want, and don't want to drag you along until I figure it out...you're a great person...yadda yadda yadda" line. He was crying and I TOTALLY believed him. Had NO reason to doubt him. And NEVER would have suspected my friend would have a part in this. No one told me about them dating, I just figured it out. I can't tell you the hell I went through. I have not spoken to either of them, nor do I plan on it. I just walk along in silence. No yelling, screaming, cussing, or fighting them. They are too rotten for me to waste my breath on...period. I am healing and moving on. I don't hurt so much anymore. I know I will be fine. I've been reading about forgiveness and how we have to forgive those who hurt us. But my thought is this..... Why should I HAVE to forgive them in order to move on. I think that's a line of total BS. They hurt me. Plain and simple. They acted selfishly and as a result hurt alot of people. I did nothing wrong. Even after the fact, I have done nothing wrong. So why would I have to do anything in order to move on. They do something rotten and all of a sudden it's my duty to forgive them so that I can be whole again???? Bull**** flag. Despite how all of this may sound, I'm really not harboring anger or bitterness. I'm just done. I don't care to ever associate with them again. I hope to find what I thought I had with him once again. But I have no desire to forgive either of them. Their actions towards me warrant no response on my behalf. Any thoughts???
Beeotch Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 Makes perfect sense.... That situation is BEYOND messed up....I can't even imagine. I believe true forgiveness can only come after the individual who wronged you apologizes and makes some type of effort to clear the air then you can accept it. However, if they have not. You can choose (as you have) not to harbor hatred and ill-feelings (which interrupts your life and eats away at YOU and not them). But you do not have to lie and say all is forgiven....that is B.S. Time also helps...as the less you care, the easier it is to forgive. It is a lot harder if they were to show up a week after it happened asking to be forgiven but 4 years from now...you will perhaps find it easier. You ofcourse SHOULD NEVER be friends with them again and ofcourse no matter how much time passes that was a messed up scenario that you will remember....but atleast with time...it is easier to not care.
gavinus Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 It seems to me the people who hurt others in life either never say sorry or only say sorry to make themselves feel better (a means to an end). I have learnt the hard way words mean little, but actions are all that counts. So even if your ex and your friend did say sorry their actions are still a slap in the face as their actions still say they are happy with the situation. You are a good person and you have every right to be angry; my advice is the ultimate revenge is to have a great life and rest assured what goes around comes around even though you may not be there it see it, stay strong
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