EddieN Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 There's a girl I met over the summer who works at the same lab as I and had a class with me. I approached her initially, but she then made an effort to approach me after that. We became kinda close. I like being around her and she definitely seems to like being around me, since she smiles, laughs, and goes out of her way to come to my area at work. She has a boyfriend, so I'm not trying to be any more than a friend with her, but she's on the women's softball team, so she has a lot of single friends (one in particular who I've seen around and am pretty attracted to, and I know she's noticed me too). Whether she has single friends or not, though, I still like her and wouldn't mind having her as a friend. The thing is, in college, everyone has their established cliques that don't let anyone else in. I want to hang out and do things with her and her friends, but it's so hard to break through the clique. It's like everyone is satisfied with their current friends and doesn't have room for another friend...except for me. I was never successful with breaking through a clique. How do I do this? How do I set up things to do with her and her friends outside of just seeing her at work? I'm so used to getting turned down for the same reason I mentioned above - that most people don't really care for another friend.
westernxer Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 Just ask her about her single friends. I'm sure she'd set you up.
Author EddieN Posted August 17, 2009 Author Posted August 17, 2009 I think that's a little too direct. Wouldn't it be smoother to just hang out with her and her friends a few times and meet someone I like that way?
westernxer Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 I think that's a little too direct. Wouldn't it be smoother to just hang out with her and her friends a few times and meet someone I like that way? Do whatever feels natural, but you said she seems to like you, so it's possible she likes you enough to introduce you to friends. You don't have to be so direct about it... just ask her casually, when the topic comes up, as if you were kidding. It worked for me, even though I can't prove it now. LOL
Author EddieN Posted August 17, 2009 Author Posted August 17, 2009 She definitely likes me...when I'm around her. We haven't done anything outside of work and class, though. I'm afraid she'll be like everyone else - likes me when I'm there, but when I'm not doesn't have room for me with her friends. I know my brother has this philosophy. He will tell people that he doesn't have room for another friend because he has too many already.
boogieboy Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 You just have to be SO interesting and fun to be around they she will feel compelled to work to include you into the clique. Right now youre like the vampire that has to wait outside the doorway until someone invites you in. Outside the doorway you have to really put on the charm. Once youre hanging around her more often, then you can ask her to introduce you to whoever. Then you will get in the clique.
New Again Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 Agree with boogie. You have to be perceived as a desirable addition to the group.
boldjack Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 I'm like Groucho Marx, I wouldn't want to be a member of any Club (clique), that would have me as a member. I have many friends , from all human divisions, and would NEVER tolerate Exclusivity or elitism in any way. Prejudice is boring.
boogieboy Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 Agree with boogie. You have to be perceived as a desirable addition to the group. To add to this Eddie, you have to have something the group feels they want or need, which would be personality, so yours has to be SO much more interesting than all of theirs, which is a possibility...
Author EddieN Posted August 17, 2009 Author Posted August 17, 2009 Well I have no idea how desirable I am, but this girl likes me. I make her laugh all the time. She'll visit my area at work and invite me to lunch sometimes. Really, I was cool around her from the beginning and was myself 100%, and it hasn't scared her off by any means. I'm not sure what else I can do to be desirable...turn water into wine? That would be popular. And boldjack, everyone has a clique, even my really open-minded friend. People are always more comfortable around people they know and are more weary of outsiders like me.
paddington bear Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 Well I have no idea how desirable I am, but this girl likes me. I make her laugh all the time. She'll visit my area at work and invite me to lunch sometimes. Really, I was cool around her from the beginning and was myself 100%, and it hasn't scared her off by any means. I'm not sure what else I can do to be desirable...turn water into wine? That would be popular. And boldjack, everyone has a clique, even my really open-minded friend. People are always more comfortable around people they know and are more weary of outsiders like me. Well...are you a loner? Or do you have your own group of friends? Are you maybe in a clique without realising it? If so, welcome others into your clique, the fun clique to be in. If not, welcome others into the extra-special clique with only one member, you. If you keep thinking that it's difficult to break into, you're kind of making it so, as you're making that assumption. If you like to talk to this girl, and she has friends you'd like to get to know, just wait for the opportunity to arise to say something complimentary 'you and your friends seem really fun, I'd love to hang out some time' and give her the opportunity to invite you along to something, be it lunch or some other thing. If she doesn't respond...well then just make the biggest, bestest clique that she will be begging to be embraced into..!
Author EddieN Posted August 18, 2009 Author Posted August 18, 2009 Well...are you a loner? Or do you have your own group of friends? Are you maybe in a clique without realising it? If so, welcome others into your clique, the fun clique to be in. If not, welcome others into the extra-special clique with only one member, you. If you keep thinking that it's difficult to break into, you're kind of making it so, as you're making that assumption. If you like to talk to this girl, and she has friends you'd like to get to know, just wait for the opportunity to arise to say something complimentary 'you and your friends seem really fun, I'd love to hang out some time' and give her the opportunity to invite you along to something, be it lunch or some other thing. If she doesn't respond...well then just make the biggest, bestest clique that she will be begging to be embraced into..! That's a cool approach, I like it. The summer time is tough because all my friends, which mostly are my teammates and members of the corresponding women's team, are always away and far away from where I live. I try to have parties at my pool and poolhouse (which I have to say, is a very sweet setup) but no one is ever around, which sucks. I'd like to invite her and her friends over before the summer ends, but not if no one else is gonna be there. If that fails, well, everyone will be close when school starts, so I'll have more opportunities then.
Chubbi Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 I'm like Groucho Marx, I wouldn't want to be a member of any Club (clique), that would have me as a member. I have many friends , from all human divisions, and would NEVER tolerate Exclusivity or elitism in any way. Prejudice is boring. I agree with boldjack 100%. Who says people are more comfortable with who they know? I've never been more comfortable around people who are like me- how would I be able to get someone like me to to talk to me? LOL. I'd look at me all day and not say a thing. If anything, I tend to seek out people different from me in any way, shape or form. If anyone thought I was interesting enough to get to know, I hoped they'd try. I don't do the clique thing- I'm always in search of the new. How else do you learn? How else do you adventure? People are their own adventures. Who was the first person to talk to me at school? None other than a hugely extroverted New Yorker who could yap your ear off about anything. All I had to do was add into the conversation with one word and he'll go off on his own little tangent. I think that's why I liked him so much because they guy was superfriendly and just never stopped talking:love:. Just the other day I was sitting by myself in the cafeteria and a Russian guy came over, sat down, and we began a conversation like long lost friends. Now, with my Southern accent and his Russian accent, we could hardly understand each other. LOL But we got through it well enough with patience. The same thing with a Chinese student who could do physics better than he could speak English- now he was one of the best to talk to. I swear we argured over one problem of Economics homework for 3 hours before we finally found the right answer. Anyone who knows me know I'm one of the biggest skeptics of Christianity- but I have found friends who are Conservative Christians and they are some of the most selfless, caring people I know.
Author EddieN Posted August 18, 2009 Author Posted August 18, 2009 Chubbi...get private messaging, lol...I can't pm you. I like to pm people my age who might understand our environment and situation better. But the thing is, people don't do those things here. Sitting with someone new in the dining hall and starting a conversation is creepy and taboo.
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