EricaH329 Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 I'm going to try and make this as short as possible. My fiance is the first man I ever loved, and I am the first woman he has ever loved. We had set plans for our future and how we would go about accomplishing those plans. He left for the Navy a few months ago. When he got into school, he started acting more and more distant. There was a period where he didn't talk to me for 4 days. I broke up with him because of that. He was intentionally avoiding me. He was angry with me that I did that for some reason. A few days go by, and I realize that I feel like I made a mistake, and in a moment of weakness, I asked for him back. He told me he wasn't sure and he would think about it. Turned out he decided against being with me. We stop talking all together. A week goes by, he sends me an email saying that he wants to go back to the way we used to be, and that he's going to do everything he can to leave the Navy. What do you know... after he sent me that email, he avoided me and ignored my emails and calls for another full week. I was so hurt that I felt like the only way for me to be able to move on, was by saying my peace and leaving it at that. I wrote him an email explaining how I felt, and how bad he had hurt me. He didn't respond, but I didn't expect him to. Another week goes by. I just received another email from him 2 days ago explaining that he still loves me and cares about me, and he was a coward for avoiding me. That he's always going to love me but he feels like it's too hard to be away from eachother. That every time we talk he wants to be there with me, and the distance isn't fair to either of us. He wants to still be in my life, really bad, but he said that if I couldn't have him in my life for some reason, than to promise him that i'll find someone that treats me right and that I deserve. I didn't respond to that. I had already made up my mind that i'm moving on and this is the best way I know how to. He keeps sending me emails asking me about what i'm doing, and how i'm doing. I don't respond. Finally, he sent me an email saying that he's going to just leave me alone and that he loves me. I replied with thank you. And now he's asking me if I hate him, and why I hate him. I don't understand!! He made it more than clear when he avoided me and ignored me that he doesn't want me in his life!! Why does he keep emailing me and trying to get ahold of me?? I love him very much, and I very much want to be a part of his life... but I can't do that and move on at the same time. And I don't understand how he can either! He keeps saying that he loves me and misses me... why is he doing this?? Can anyone explain it to me?
norajane Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 Would you really be happier if he just dropped you and stopped trying to contact you? I'm guessing that you wouldn't. You'd be at LS saying, "But we love each other and we belong together! How could he just stop talking to me like I didn't exist?!" He made it more than clear when he avoided me and ignored me that he doesn't want me in his life!!No, not really. You two were still adjusting to his move away, and you totally overreacted and broke up with him (that is NOT how to deal with conflicts with someone you say you want to spend the rest of your life with. You don't just break up and walk out when you are upset about something). And then, because both of you seem a bit immature, you started this back and forth avoiding each other and getting back together and being hurt nonsense. Honestly, you sound like children! Adults don't pick up their toys and go home when they have issues. The problem here is not that you two don't love each other, or that you two don't want to be together. The problem is you are both too immature to handle the long distance relationship, and too immature to speak to each other like adults, give each other the benefit of the doubt, and resolve your conflicts. It probably is best that you don't even think about getting married for a long, long time.
Author EricaH329 Posted August 16, 2009 Author Posted August 16, 2009 norajane - Thank you for replying. I appreciate your opinion. But as far as the long distance relationship goes, I am fully willing and capable of handling a long distance relationship. I was away for 2 months, and everything was fine. Then, he was away for 2 months almost immediatly afterwards and we were fine. It was when he left bootcamp and started school that things changed. He changed. He realized that he didn't know what he wanted anymore, that's what made things complicated. All i'm really asking, is that since he decided he no longer wants to be with me, and hurt me by making it a lot more difficult in the process, why does he want me in his life so badly? It doesn't make sense.
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