Feeling Smug!!

[Beeotch]

This is extremely petty...but I don't really care as it has made me feel 10000% better:

 

Last night my bestfriend went on my ex's Facebook page while we were having a conversation then she randomly burst in the conversation saying how his new GF was ugly. I had seen a very small pic of her before and my sister said she was ugly and I even defended this new girl saying ohh she wasn't that ugly....however, curiosity got the best of me and I went to her Facebook page and low and behold seeing a clearer, larger pic...she is not that attractive.

 

I honestly felt GREAT! I felt amazing that my ex's new woman/rebound is not as attractive as I am.

 

I do not regularly talk about my looks but last night and in this post I will allow myself this one time to be smug and shallow. Also, on a non-physical level this girl also does not match up with me. He is 26 and and she 19 years old, when he dated me (I'm 21, was 20 at the time when he was 25) he said I was the youngest woman he ever dated and all his friends were shocked but they all loved me. Also this girl seems immature and more into him than he is into her (all her statuses are about her "baby" when he has said NOTHING about her...lmao and I remember when he and I got together when people commented about his relationship status he would at least comment back saying thanks and he commented sounding excited...ppl, none of whom are his friends whom I know by the way, have commented on it and he has said NOTHING, not even thanks...as if he doesn't care) ...her college is 2 hours away from where we live, so that alone is like wtf...this seems odd that he would do that because he doesn't like distance...I also attend a prestigious tier one university and she goes to some technical college or other.

 

In any case as I said....I feel great about comparing myself and being smug THIS ONCE. I do not normally do this. But it honestly makes me feel better to know that his decision seems ridiculous and to know that she is not a step up. Everyone knows their strengths and weaknesses so if she seemed better than me or possessed all these good things that I don't have then I would have felt even worst...and my friend would not have even mentioned looking at his page because she is honest too and if she felt this girl was above me or on my level she would have just ignored it and not said anything at all so as not to upset me.

 

But if I were being honest and as my intuition told me....this "relationship" seems like a sham. She seems so off from what he would like and most importantly if he were to compare and contrast us I would come out shining....esp based on all the things he said when we were together and even after. He constantly complimented me physically, told me I was the only gf his mom wold like and she didnt even like his ex wife, I am the only gf he had who cooks and cooks well and whom he would eat their food everyday, I am intelligent and have all these big goals and dreams, always complimenting how he loves how I carry myself and how in 5 years (2 of which he was married) he had never met anyone whom he wanted to kiss or who had all the qualities he wants in a woman.....so with that being said I am super SMUG laughing to myself that he will remember me forever, his loss and this "relationship" lmao is a joke.

 

[TaraMaiden]

Maybe they're just better suited.... beauty IS only skin deep, and perhaps he sees qualities in her that attract him.

In any case, even through your smugness, don't forget one thing, honey: he isn't with you, because something didn't gel.

 

maybe it won't last with her either.

That's not your concern.

I'm sorry.

Smugness doesn't suit you.

[deux ex machina]

Meh.

 

It's a phase.

 

Sometimes when relationships end, people can get to feeling down on themselves. So...

 

Getting the power back in a way, nothing wrong with it, really - just don't want to indulge the feeling forever or anything.

 

I think this post is pretty raw and honest, I appreciate that.

That's a part of self-reflection, too - seeing things that, even if imperfect, are real, if nothing else.

 

I don't see anything wrong with acknowledging it.

 

I can understand it.

[TaraMaiden]

Well.... if beeotch says this is uncharacteristic and unlike her to be this way, I just think in a while she may feel uncomfortable gloating.

if it's not a common or usual trait, it may wear thin on her soon enough.

maybe not.

I don't know.....

 

But if - and I say IF, and only IF - he ends up with her long-term, the question will spin round into "if she's plainer and less attractive than me - what's she got that I haven't??"

 

Which would be a shame, because in the end, things are the way they are, because that's the way things are........

[deux ex machina]

...

 

But if - and I say IF, and only IF - he ends up with her long-term, the question will spin round into "if she's plainer and less attractive than me - what's she got that I haven't??"

 

Which would be a shame, because in the end, things are the way they are, because that's the way things are........

 

 

That's a really good point. Makes sense.

[Thornton]

I freely admit that my current bf isn't as handsome as my ex... but he's a million times the man my ex was, and would never treat me the way he did. I can understand you gloating, because I've done the same myself - I admit to feeling a bit smug when I saw that my ex was dating a fat girl with an unfortunate nose - but perhaps they're better suited personality-wise than he and I were. If she and your ex aren't suited, the relationship probably won't last in the long run... but you won't care, because you'll have moved on to bigger and better things by then.

[Beeotch]

Maybe they're just better suited.... beauty IS only skin deep, and perhaps he sees qualities in her that attract him.

In any case, even through your smugness, don't forget one thing, honey: he isn't with you, because something didn't gel.

 

maybe it won't last with her either.

That's not your concern.

I'm sorry.

Smugness doesn't suit you.

 

Well seeing as we don't know each other...what does/does not suit me according to you really makes no difference.

 

I am fully aware that beauty goes beyond the physical....I made sure to list all other arenas in which I feel more proficient.

 

In any case...I put the disclaimer that I am gonna be smug this once. So yea. And you do not know the details of what happened between us to even know why we broke up...it had nothing to do with things not gelling...

 

We can al add our 2 cents on a forum..but usually the full picture is never known so we should try not to be so self-assured in our assessments (my self including)

[Beeotch]

Meh.

 

It's a phase.

 

Sometimes when relationships end, people can get to feeling down on themselves. So...

 

Getting the power back in a way, nothing wrong with it, really - just don't want to indulge the feeling forever or anything.

 

I think this post is pretty raw and honest, I appreciate that.

That's a part of self-reflection, too - seeing things that, even if imperfect, are real, if nothing else.

 

I don't see anything wrong with acknowledging it.

 

I can understand it.

 

I am being honest...

 

I am very self aware, know right from wrong, know proper etiquette, have morals and the like but I also have real feelings...and yess I am going to be smug! This site is like therapy...to say what I really wanna say, what i feel and think.

 

In real life I would not gloat to him or speak badly about his new relationship...(I think he wants me to comment on it) but I won't.

 

I never brag about my looks or achievements in regular life....but we ALL have thoughts. I am just voicing them as catharsis then back to the regularly scheduled program.

[Beeotch]

Well.... if beeotch says this is uncharacteristic and unlike her to be this way, I just think in a while she may feel uncomfortable gloating.

if it's not a common or usual trait, it may wear thin on her soon enough.

maybe not.

I don't know.....

 

But if - and I say IF, and only IF - he ends up with her long-term, the question will spin round into "if she's plainer and less attractive than me - what's she got that I haven't??"

 

Which would be a shame, because in the end, things are the way they are, because that's the way things are........

 

If he ends up with her long term...I am sure I would have moved on.

 

And it would not boil down to what I do not have....

 

In our breakup it was about what HE does not have....he told me time and again I was a step up and his ultimate woman in everyway...our break up was due to issues within himself.

 

So with that being established...if he is with her long term I already know it is not that I am not good enough or whatnot but she is better suited to what he can deal with while I am not...as he in the condition he is in, is not suited to make me happy.

 

I am not a chronically insecure person...I know my strengths and weaknesses and one man who IS IN NO WISE PERFECT cannot make me feel like I am not good enough.

 

I put the disclaimer that the topic would be petty....it is a petty issue and is not gonna determine my worth or future.

[deux ex machina]

I am being honest...

 

I am very self aware, know right from wrong, know proper etiquette, have morals and the like but I also have real feelings...and yess I am going to be smug!

 

 

This site is like therapy...to say what I really wanna say, what i feel and think.

 

I agree.

 

In real life I would not gloat to him or speak badly about his new relationship...(I think he wants me to comment on it) but I won't.

 

I never brag about my looks or achievements in regular life....but we ALL have thoughts. I am just voicing them as catharsis then back to the regularly scheduled program.

 

Yes, I wouldn't think you'd ever do or say it in real life - that's why we have LS. You aren't alone.

 

I've had similar thoughts myself and I always found them to be cathartic, as well. Sometimes it's a part of the purifying process, and you hardly seem like the type that would stay stick there.

 

It's all good.

[Beeotch]

Glad we're seeing eye to eye

[Trialbyfire]

I can relate but in a different way.

 

And yes, it's undeniably about ego, where many of us feel something similar at some point, post breakup. If the new target(s) are "less" than my perceived worth, I get disgusted and want to say, "so that's all you look for?".

[shadowplay]

I can relate but in a different way.

 

And yes, it's undeniably about ego, where many of us feel something similar at some point, post breakup. If the new target(s) are "less" than my perceived worth, I get disgusted and want to say, "so that's all you look for?".

 

But how you perceive yourself or someone else might be differently from how others do. How can you tell from looking at somebody (without really knowing them) their worth, whatever that means? Personality and beauty (to a somewhat lesser extent) are subjective. Maybe this person has something to offer that you don't appreciate.

[Trialbyfire]

But how you perceive yourself or someone else might be differently from how others do. How can you tell from looking at somebody (without really knowing them) their worth, whatever that means? Personality and beauty (to a somewhat lesser extent) are subjective. Maybe this person has something to offer that you don't appreciate.

I'm talking about the complete package as being a "lesser" individual. It's true that's subjective but on the otherhand, these are my own feelings and values, which don't need to be validated or approved elsewhere.

 

It's a great way to move on.

[shadowplay]

I can understand the sentiment, but I think people can take this line of thinking too far.

 

Here's an example. I used to follow the blog of this woman who was very beautiful and intelligent but a raving bitch. I enjoyed her writing, but eventually I became fed up with her personality and stopped subscribing. She was incredibly narcissistic, nasty and shallow.

 

She had this seemingly perfect relationship with her SO. She always spoke of it in glowing terms. Then out of the blue he cheated on her and left her for another girl at their college. She totally lost it, and even dropped out of school.

 

One day she devoted a whole post on her blog to how "ugly" her replacement was. She posted several pictures of the girl that she had stolen from the girl's facebook for everybody to critique. About two hundred comments ensued ripping apart this other girl's appearance and reassuring the blogger how gorgeous she was by comparison. It was sickening. I couldn't believe she was so classless as to post the girl's picture on a public, heavily trafficked blog. That's not what it's about.

 

The irony is that post revealed why her bf may have cheated on her. She had a repugnant personality, and I'm sure he got fed up with her eventually. This other girl may not have been as objectively attractive, but maybe she was a nicer person.

[Trialbyfire]

I think blogs are retarded in general, but that's for another thread.

[shadowplay]

I'm talking about the complete package as being a "lesser" individual. It's true that's subjective but on the otherhand, these are my own feelings and values, which don't need to be validated or approved elsewhere.

 

It's a great way to move on.

 

It is a good way to move, I'll agree with that.

 

Whether it's an accurate way of viewing other people, I don't know.

[shadowplay]

I think blogs are retarded in general, but that's for another thread.

 

They can be entertaining if well-written.

 

My one gripe with them is they encourage shallow writing and reading.

[Beeotch]

I'm talking about the complete package as being a "lesser" individual. It's true that's subjective but on the otherhand, these are my own feelings and values, which don't need to be validated or approved elsewhere.

 

It's a great way to move on.

 

Indeed

 

For me...it is not even about me only but it is also based on what my ex has said about me and appreciated about me and women in general....

 

In comparison to myself as well as what he has said: I'm like...okaaay this does not even match up.Which leads me to believe this is a rebound situation and just ridiculous...

 

It just does not come off as genuine. I mean only he can know if his feelings are true or not but I feel smug because it is proving how ridiculous he really is...and the whole thing seems to be a charade that is very transparent.

[shadowplay]

Indeed

 

For me...it is not even about me only but it is also based on what my ex has said about me and appreciated about me and women in general....

 

In comparison to myself as well as what he has said: I'm like...okaaay this does not even match up.Which leads me to believe this is a rebound situation and just ridiculous...

 

It just does not come off as genuine. I mean only he can know if his feelings are true or not but I feel smug because it is proving how ridiculous he really is...and the whole thing seems to be a charade that is very transparent.

 

What are you basing this on, her facebook? Hearsay? I mean you don't even know this person. Maybe he genuinely likes her better and finds her to be more compatible with him. So what?

[Beeotch]

I can understand the sentiment, but I think people can take this line of thinking too far.

 

Here's an example. I used to follow the blog of this woman who was very beautiful and intelligent but a raving bitch. I enjoyed her writing, but eventually I became fed up with her personality and stopped subscribing. She was incredibly narcissistic, nasty and shallow.

 

She had this seemingly perfect relationship with her SO. She always spoke of it in glowing terms. Then out of the blue he cheated on her and left her for another girl at their college. She totally lost it, and even dropped out of school.

 

One day she devoted a whole post on her blog to how "ugly" her replacement was. She posted several pictures of the girl that she had stolen from the girl's facebook for everybody to critique. About two hundred comments ensued ripping apart this other girl's appearance and reassuring the blogger how gorgeous she was by comparison. It was sickening. I couldn't believe she was so classless as to post the girl's picture on a public, heavily trafficked blog. That's not what it's about.

 

The irony is that post revealed why her bf may have cheated on her. She had a repugnant personality, and I'm sure he got fed up with her eventually. This other girl may not have been as objectively attractive, but maybe she was a nicer person.

 

Ofcourse that is repugnant...I do not do that and would never do that.

 

As we all know, relationships are not only about looks.

 

Is it possible that this girl suits him better even if she is not as attractive? Yes.

 

Could she have a smashing personality? Yes.

 

For me....my ex and I did not break up because he did not like specific things about me...we broke up because of timing, his stress level at work as well as issues he has. It was actually supposed to be a break. After our break up is when we fought and had disagreements that lead to me being upset with him and vice-versa....which lead to us being driven further apart.

 

I wanted a lot more than he could give based on his attachment issues and dismissive avoidance...and he pretends to have higher self esteem than he really does and acts like nothing bothers him and he shows no emotions.

 

My assessment of the situation is that: I had all that he wanted in a woman, he did not have irreconcilable issues with me, it wasn't a problem with the relationship in particular. He however, is emotionally retarded and will never say when he is wrong. Up until a month ago he was trying to hang out with me and was trying in small ways to reinstate our relationship...but he won't let himself be completely honest. I went NC and have been NC for little over a month (he has contacted me and I respond via text and IM) but I do not initiate anything. I believe this has shocked him that after trying so hard to understand I just "gave up".....I think he can't believe it...because even when I said I gave up I would come back...but now I really have not.

 

 

I have shown ZERO interest in him (before I would call, text, invite him out, etc) then I just stopped cold turkey. He ofcourse is not going to say it bothers him People with a dismissive avoidant style of attachment work very hard at suppressing their true feelings of vulnerability and they fear rejection but on the outside they seem composed and self-assured.

 

If he looks at my Facebook, Twitter (which he sure has) I seem completely happy, I am going on trips, flirting and the like. I do not put up depressing quotes or bitter rants about relationships. I do nothing to show I still remember he exists. So I believe his secret low self esteem tells him that I have moved on and I do not want him anymore...so he hooks up with the first person who seems to be cray about him which is also an effort to see if I will respond to him as I have not responded to anything else he does.

 

Then his pretend high self esteem makes him act like ohh whatever, I've moved on with a new woman etc.

 

But I feel smug and I also feel bad for him....because I know that he loved/loves me but his conflicts with himself and false pride and so forth won't let him admit it.

[Beeotch]

What are you basing this on, her facebook? Hearsay? I mean you don't even know this person. Maybe he genuinely likes her better and finds her to be more compatible with him. So what?

 

I'm pretty sure he does not....but of course a situation is always more complex than we can establish on a forum.

 

And if he does...that is also lovely.

[Trialbyfire]

Whether it's an accurate way of viewing other people, I don't know.

I've yet to see anyone, who has an accurate view of people, including you and I. Every person has multiple facets, which they don't always show to everyone.

 

I think in this instance, you're looking at this too deeply. Breaking up and coping, is heavily tied into self-esteem.

 

My personal take on this is to externalize (to strengthen), internalize (to reevaluate) and finally to balance. While everyone has a different way to handle things, this is the methodology that works for me.

[Beeotch]

I've yet to see anyone, who has an accurate view of people, including you and I. Every person has multiple facets, which they don't always show to everyone.

 

I think in this instance, you're looking at this too deeply. Breaking up and coping, is heavily tied into self-esteem.

 

My personal take on this is to externalize (to strengthen), internalize (to reevaluate) and finally to balance. While everyone has a different way to handle things, this is the methodology that works for me.

True!

 

I may NEVER know what my ex truly thinks or feels in every detail...no one will ever know how another truly feels or be able assess someone in their entirety but we do the best we can with what we have and we formulate things that make sense to us based on the info provided...

 

Based on the info provided it confirms things I already believed and saw and helps me to move forward or be encouraged. False or true...that is not what is helping me. It is the perception of it.

[Trialbyfire]

True!

 

I may NEVER know what my ex truly thinks or feels in every detail...no one will ever know how another truly feels or be able assess someone in their entirety but we do the best we can with what we have and we formulate things that make sense to us based on the info provided...

 

Based on the info provided it confirms things I already believed and saw and helps me to move forward or be encouraged. False or true...that is not what is helping me. It is the perception of it.

Yes, this way a person isn't trapped in analysis/paralysis. Keep on moving upwards and onwards.