Faythx Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 Im not sure where to begin but i'll give it a shot. I met my fiance through a friend 2yr's ago. We fell in love with each, moved in together after 6mo's got engaged and had a fantastic relationship for the better part of these 2years. We had our lil fights but nothing major, we always kissed and made up and talked it out afterwards. I got laid off my job about 3mo's ago. It was my plan to just take alittle me time, the job i had before was very stressful and I just wanted to unwind for a bit after years of working I think everyone deserves a break. The bills were in a fairly good place. After awhile of just kicking back and relaxing, I started to slip off into a massive depressive state. I didnt want to go anywhere, do anything, be around my friends. Her and I started drifting apart alittle bit. So we went on vacation and the whole week we were gone it was fantastic, we were back to our old selves and I felt like a kid that just fell in love again. I was really hoping that, that vacation would have helped our relationship. Well when we got back, I wound up slipping back into my depression over time and just playing video games non-stop all day and all night. I was trying to break out of this state but it seemed the harder I tried the worse it got. Well we had our talks about the things she wanted me to change and what she needed in a relationship and I never had that talk with her before because I was always the one she depended on. We had our tough times, financially and emotionally and we had our spats but we always seemed to work through it regaurdless. Well this past month I guess was really hard on her emotionally with school starting up and her work and this being her last chance at school. She has to succeed this time around or there are no more loans she can take out and I completely understand that. Far be it from me to try to take someones dreams away. These past 3 weeks I slowly started pulling myself out of the depression and started to get back in touch with who I used to be. We were planning on getting married this April, so on a crazy spontanous moment, I'd ask her, "So show me how were gonna kiss on our wedding day!" or "Show me how you want to dance to our song at the wedding". I tried to be romantic and whisper heartfelt things into her ears but it seemed to no avail to work. So in the back of mind i knew it was coming. I was at the house 1 day, went up stairs to get sum clothes and noticed how everything was neatly put away into baskets and such, well she never kept the bedroom clean, it never bothered me either I didnt really care. So i knew something was up. I went and looked around the room and found that she had packed all of her clothes up and i knew that instant the woman I loved was leaving me. So I did what any guy would do .... well what I do. I called her mom up and asked her about it all. Her mom and I have always been able to talk ever since her daughter and I got together. She considered me like a son and I considered her like a mom. Her mom said she didnt know anything. Well no sooner I get off the phone with her, I go into the bathroom and brush my teeth and start getting ready for the day and I hear the front door open. It was my fiance and her sister, apparently she's leaving me (at this point i cried ... i think for the better part of 6hrs i cried to no end). She didnt really give me good reasons, I'm sure in her mind they were good and she understood them but I didnt. So i obeyed her wishes and didnt try to stop her. I didn't agree with the way that she did it but hey she did what she did. It's been a week since she left me and she still wants to be friends. It's hard for me to just be friends with her. Yesterday we went and closed our bank account got the cell phones squared away, cleared the air alittle bit. She felt stuck, weighted down, worried about school, me not having a job, she needed breathing room I guess is what i got from it and I completely understand. I asked her if she still loved me and she said yes. I told her when 2 people invest 2yr's into making a life together, that relationship deserves a 2nd chance. If you were happy for 3/4's of the relationship and then it went bad, you owe it to each other to try again. She said she wasnt ready for that and she just wanted to do her and focus on schooling. She said she still wanted to be friends and talk. We worked out a joint custody thing with the dog, I didnt think it was fair for me to keep the dog all the time, so she takes it on weekends F-M and I keep it from M-F and that seemed like a good deal, made her happy that she gets to see the dog =)! So that's pretty much the background of the whole situation. I guess what I'm wanting to know, is with school starting, her working and doing her thing. She said for me not to close the door to others but I only want her. What exactly do I do? How long is it gonna take for her to realize that she wants me back? I'm so completely lost and depressed and bummed but when I see her, I get butterflies in my stomach all over again. How do I win her back? 2yr's of being with someone just seems stupid to let it go to waste without giving it a 2nd shot. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Also, she brought up a couple points about me not wanting to be around family and it seemed like I didnt wanna have kids. I told her, her family never seemed to want bothered by me and I do want a family of my own I just always thought being a guy, you learned what to do with kids through the experiences of your own.
boogieboy Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 You most likely wont win her back. Its a textbook breakup around here. Read around the breakup forums and you will see that. 1st of all, all the excuses she gave was crap. She fell out of love with you because of your depression. Once a woman loses love for you, it generally doesnt come back. 2.) Dont be friends with her, dont talk to her at ALL. Its too hard for you, and it helps her get over you faster. DONT make it easy for her to get over you. It also prolongs your suffering. Dont tallk to her, let her go crazy wondering what you are doing. It might change her mind, but that would take months, and dont count on it. But only if you let her miss you, by not talking to her. She left you, she doesnt deserve anything. She is ready to move on without you to someone new, thats why she said "dont close the door to others". That is pretty much saying it will never happen again, but letting you down easy. No one needs breathing room away from someone they are in love with, so she fell out of love with you. 3.) Dont share the dog with her. It will be too difficult for you. Either let her have the dog, or dont let her see it. 4.) I cant stress this enough... Dont be friends with her, Dont talk to her at ALL. Its too hard for you, and it helps her get over you faster. DONT make it easy for her to get over you. 5.) She wont forget about you, especially when this is fresh, especially when its been 2 years. But you have to keep away from her for like a month, and dont respond to her until she saysshe wants to try again. 6.) Dont fall for the "i miss talking to you, I miss seeing you" She might tell you everything you want to hear to get you to respond to her. 7.) She might be one of those women who needs validation, or just wants to hear from you because shes lonely, but it doesnt mean she wants you back. So for that, you dont respond to her until she says she wants you back. Get it?
gavinus Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 I agree. She lost her love for you because of your depression which in my opinion states did she even care about you that much? If she had truly loved you she would have stuck by you no matter what as I know you would have done the same for her. Go NC, I know it is hard, I did not, we got back together, I forgave her...she dumped me again, it only helped her move on from me faster, go NC, become strong and don't let her win
Author Faythx Posted August 17, 2009 Author Posted August 17, 2009 Alright thanks guys. I was sorta leaning towards the same thing but couldnt come to think of it. When she walked out the door though it snapped me right outta my depression. Thank you for replying and I'll give it all a try =)!
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