PinkToes Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 I'm really sorry you're going through this, to love someone so deeply and have to let go. It's the worst feeling in the world. But it's curious to me that she first told you she needed to leave because your relationship was too intense, and now she says it's because of her parents. I'm sure they have an opinion, but usually when someone comes up with different reasons over time, it's because they feel they aren't being heard. Your response when she said things were too intense was to hold on tighter, and try to convince her that she still had feelings for you. That's not what she wanted; she wanted you to take her seriously and understand what she was saying. So if she tells you it's about her parents, there's nothing you can do to change that, and she knows it. I'm guessing that's just an excuse. Also if her dad was passive, she could be even more sensitive to your desire to take care of her. No matter how she feels about her dad, she is more likely to look for men who are similar than men who are different. And despite her wanting to spend every minute with you, she could still feel suffocated by your intensity (which it sounds like she was feeling). The best thing you can do is not contact her right now. She knows how you feel; she knows where to find you. She needs to see that you are strong enough to survive without her. Your devotion is a wonderful trait, but to someone who is pulling away, it can feel like a burden rather than a gift.
Benique Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Cara’mia, Should I keep on loving you, Should I continue to care? Should I keep longing, To smell your hair? Should I fritter each passing day, Thinking of you in every way? Should my heart smoulder amid desire, To hold you close forever? You left me and now I am but one, Fearing the harm cannot be undone. I’ve made you miserable and sad, The pain I cause is driving me mad. I know I should give you space and time, Instead of calling or this lame rhyme. Laugh if you so must, Just know my heart has turned to dust. The other day I took a walk, To myself I began to talk. I ended up where we first sat, In the old port, you remember that? It was crowded, People everywhere, Yet our bench was empty, So I sat there. I thought of the conversations That we shared, And how I loved you Right then and there. I then gazed at the vessel, Our first big date as a couple. And I saw that famous window, Steam covered I wrote I love you. That was the first time I spoke my heart, You replied your equal part. I remember feeling so free, When you replied you love me. That was a happy day, Forever it will stay. The first time I felt true love, You were like an angel from above. As I stood there still watching, Seeing us romanticizing. At that moment, I knew what I lost And now, my sufferance is the cost. We had many happy days, We showed our love in many ways. By the rock where we first kissed, Your tender lips I do so miss. I have failed to convey, My appreciation in your ways. I neglected you I know, My love I failed to show. I know what I must do, To change your heart so blue. To show you that I'm true, When I say, Cara'mia I love you. As I walked away from the port, I felt empty and erased. I turned back to look once more, Hoping to see you face. I'm sorry for what I've done, Or the lack there of. Your love was like a dove, And away it flew above. Time will only tell, If this painful spell, Will break the depth of hell, And bring back my loving angel. I miss you with every cell in my heart, It's so painful to be apart, I'll love you with each passing year, Even with my heart filled with tears... I'll love you forever Cara'mia..... Angelo xxxx One man wrote same words to my daughter for several years and at last married another girl as with my daughter he was just playing, playing with her feelings as life for him was just fun . You understand what I may feel for him ... But my daughter is stronger than me , she got detached totally from him , met a very good person who truly loves her by heart and shows that by actions , not by poems written by a writer`s skill. So,Angelo_28 , I wish you really love her and you really mean what you tell , Otherwise just never send her these words , do not break her heart , I do not know if Diana has same tendency as my daughter to just get detached after getting hurt .. I pity your love if she is not your love in real , but fun . Tony,Director, I am astonished that you at all took some part in the threads of Angelo_28. I somehow surely appreciate that you put your hand into it . You are attentive , but do you know Angelo personally ? Anyway I told of my daughter`s story . She is in happy marriage now , already for 7 months . Thank you for the SITE, Tony Director . It helps to understand lts of things and to know/love Truth .
Artu Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Hi,Benique, I am happy for your daughter . Hi , Angelo , how are you now ? 2-3 days passed from your last posts . I hope you are talking love to your Diana and crying on phone . Tears show real love , not crocodile tears only ..lol
Tarantula Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Benique , I got two messages WARNING me not to write in bold , when I wanted to mark some text I was sharing here . Moderator was ... While I see others DO POST in bold , and they have no problems with that . Probably Director and Moderators here are picky . Selective. ________ Discrimination is a severe violation . But Tony loves Angelo as pathetism is a skill as well as writing skills .
Adri Ana Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Tarantula, I am sorry to hear that . Everyone is sorry actually . As anyone may get to be the victim of the poets and authors .
Angelo_28 Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 I am very much in love with her...and yes I did do actions instead of words. When I met her, I was not working much on my music. I was focusing on my career and living the life of a single man. Then as we fell in love and I began to realize that I wanted to spend my life with her, I began to work myself to the bone. I wanted to be able to provide for her and care for her the way I believed a man should. When I got fired from were I met her, two weeks later I recieved a call from my present employers, they offered me a chance of a lifetime and I quickly advanced in my career, making more money and making investments and so fourth. I was so happy when I got the job, I show her parents my acceptance letter with my salary and ever since then, they began to hate me. I was so sure they would appreciate a man that is ahead in life. I mean Im only 28 and I'm a Director and manage over 300+ employees. I was so proud to show him that letter, I thought he would think to himself that finaly his daughter is in good hand with me...I was wrong. this created even more tention between us. I wouldn't be allowed to sleep over, if I did it would have to be on the couch like 10 feet from her....I mean whats the point to that!?! And she was never allowed to sleep over at my parents place...she's 24!!! and we would fight because we never got to spend enough time together and so on. But you try telling a women that's it her parents fault. I did and she freak out lol but then she said just move out and then I'll be allowed to sleep over...I said if I do move out, it's gonna be in OUR house TOGETHER. I told her this was something people do as a couple and that I would wait till she was ready...so a year went by...a rough one, I worked like a dog and she continued to nag me about spending time. I mean do any of you understand what I was trying to do...was I wrong in working my butt off because I couldn't wait to move her out...even if she wasn't ready, I would of moved her out so that her parents would release thier grip on her. They did the same thing to her sister and they hated her BF too...until he moved her out and he even warned me about her parents...mainly her mother who runs the house lol...Anyhow, today she spoke to me...she said there would be no way she would get back with me cause her family won't have it....can you belive this!?! After everything I did for them (saving her parents from being evicted) and so on....why do I deserve to be hated...granted I did spend alot of time with her, and she would cry to mommy everytime a petty fight happend...no wonder they hate me now! I just don't see why...my parents even invited her parents every year over for super , during the holidays and for bbqs...and they never accepted. Once, her father got into a car accident will all of us in the car...I called my dad over and he came right away to help out. It was winter and he got everyone into his van from the cold...he dealth with the cops for her father and even got the cops to put the blam on the other driver saving her father from paying more inssurance...when we drove them back to thier place, he shoke my fathers hand and siad ok thanks and bye. Her parents didn't even invite him up for a coffee!!!!!! They hate me!?!?!?
PhantomSunrise Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Angelo, the only reason to curse to the stars and wonder what you did wrong, is so you can fix it for you. All these other "whys" are doing nothing for you except marrying you with the past.
TaraMaiden Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Angelo, the first thing you posted got you some harsh responses. Some so harsh, that a Moderator intervened. Even I posted in your original thread, but I modified my post to make it kinder. But I think our instincts (harsh as they might have been) were actually on the button. You need to stop wallowing and seeking comfort in despair. you know why? because you're beginning to like it. The pain of perpetuating your emotions for this girl, however awful they may be, is preferable to you, right now, than getting over it. You want to stay in this agony, because you believe it's better to feel such anguish, than move on and feel nothing. And you're getting the desired responses. Gentle, sensitive and sympathetic. But really? Enough is enough. you keep on like this and you will alienate even those who have been 100% supportive, because, even though they can sympathise, if we see you're making no efforts for yourself, at all, to start your healing process - you're going to become boring, monotonous and a pain in the @$$. You need to implement complete No Contact and start healing. Stop banging on about how wonderful it all was because clearly, it wasn't, or else it still would be. She's not your soulmate, she's not the 'love of your life' and if you let her be, her memory will tarnish, sour and spoil every good thing to come your way. So - stop now, ok? We get it. Trust me, really, we do. But you're not getting it. And that's dangerous and self-destructive stuff.
PinkToes Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Angelo, listen to Tara. You need to decide you want to heal your heart and move on. Continuing to worship someone who doesn't want to be with you is a recipe for heartache, and you know it. If you really want to get out of the darkness, you've gotta reach for the light switch. Am I reading this correctly, that you live with your parents, even though you're 28 and recently landed a great new job? Is there a reason for that? Also it's a classic battle between men and women when the guy thinks working really hard to provide for his partner is enough to keep her happy. Rarely is that true, despite your best efforts. For a lot of women, money isn't all that important. In your relationship, what did she used to say she needed from you? Time? Affection? Emotional support? Something else? Your assumption that working really hard and saving money was something she really wanted and needed from you may be wrong. And I still think her blaming her parents for the split is just an excuse. The relationship wasn't working for her, sad to say. I hope you can make up your mind to let go. As hard as it is, it's the only way out of the pain you're in.
Angelo_28 Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Tara, Your absolutely right...I guess I'm just venting and letting it all out there...there's no point in asking myself why why why, or what could I have done different...I just have to learn from this and move on. She's gone and that's the bottom line. I didn't mean to sound repetative, but I really do love this women and it won't be easy to just "flip the switch" and move on...but I have to do it, if not for her but for me. If she comes back then great, but I guess I really do have to move on with my life and try to be happy once again. You all helped me so very much, I'm glad I found this site...so here goes, as you said, enough is enough! I refuse to believe that I was the soul fault of this failed relationship and I must move foward. Pink, Yes there is a reason why I'm still at home with my parents, I was waiting for the right person to move out with. I have no need to leave right away. My parents are cool with me and they don't bother me. It also give me the chance to save up lots of money for hen I do move out. The good thing out of all this, I met up with a contractor a week before she left me. I have the plans down to build the house I wanted. I guess I'll go ahead now dispite the fact that she's gone. I think this project will be good for me. And no I do not worship her, I just love her with all that is me. We did speak recently, we both admitted that we have a communication problem...as for her parents, believe me, there no picnic! I know for a fact that they didn't like her sister's BF and he did warn me about how they were. I didn't want to believe it but he was right...I know she's hiding behind those excuses, that just tells me that she doesn't know what she want and that she's very confused about everything. I guess if I leave her alone (NC) and move on, maybe one day she'll realize what she wants. If she comes back, then great, if not, at least I'll have begun to move on. Thanks again for hearing me out people...I'll keep you all posted.
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