letinmotion Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 Hi All! I've received some pretty helpful information on here for a couple previous relationships and I am happy that those are in my past now. I've been seeing a girl for about 3 weeks now about 3-5 times a week and it's been great. We are both young, early 20s but we both seem to have a fairly good head on our shoulders. I have no problem finding women to date etc. I am good looking, own my own business, drive a nice car and live on on my own. I even get flack for appearing like a heartbreaker or player often. Unfortunately, I have unintentionally played a few girls i've casually dated that started out with good intentions. However, I tend to loose interest quick and of course this kind of backfired. Thus when it comes to relationships I do not have to much trouble but sometimes I just cant solve things on my own. I've found a girl that I really get along with and click on a level that I havent been able to click on for quite sometime. We share many interests and seem to keep one another on each others toes. I like it. We have fooled around but have not had sex yet and I dont intend to have sex until we are in a committed relationship. I promised myself I would do things differently with this girl than I have in the past and would try to shake my player ways. I tend to void being "real" for whatever reason but with this girl I opened up when appropriate and seemed to have had good success with it. I got home late from a fishing trip last night and was missing the girl I was seeing so I invited her over to watch a movie. She came over (both of us were exhausted) kissed me, etc. and we went on with the night. The whole night something was off. She kept texting a friend and I finally asked what was going on. She said her friend was having issues and she needed to take care of it. I told her she could leave and that it wouldnt bother me. She said she didnt even want to talk about it but needed to. Yet she didnt leave. We cuddled for a while until she had to leave. I walked her to her car, kissed her and sent her on her merry way. She sent a text when she got home to confirm that she had made it home safely. I sent her a reply saying to not take this the wrong way but that she should try and leave her issues at home next time. I dont want anything getting in the way of us having a good and chill time. We proceeded to talk about some other things including some issues she has. etc. I ended the night by saying that if her issues are affecting her then maybe we shouldnt see each other. I got a response from her in the morning that read "Mmmkay thats fine" . I replied with saying that Its not what I wanted and I still had everything intention on continuing to see her but if she needed to do whats in her best interest even if meant not seeing me then thats what she would do. Granted... I dont even know what the issue was she was dealing with but I saw how it was affecting her and she was quite withdrawn... She replied "You are ridciulous" I replied "Really? Thanks for the clarity. Everything cool?" She said yes and that she was sorry and she had a busy and crazy day at work. etc. I haven't really talked to her since as I wanted to leave it alone and just wait for her to come to me. I dont know if I should bring this up or just keep on normally with what we have been doing. I would appreciate someones input and suggestions for me. I really like this girl and want to continue to see her and see if this develops into a relationship. Cheers!
SoulSearch_CO Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 Gees, dude. You're kind of being a jerk. "If she has issues, it's better she not see me?" Are you freaking serious? EVERYBODY is going to have issues at sometime or another come up in their life. A good SO would be supportive and caring. The way you told her to "leave her issues at home" was rather flippant and uncaring. If I were her - I would have agreed that it's better we not see each other at all. YOU were the one that asked what was up with the texting. It's not like she came over to your house and put the drama all over you. She obviously wanted to see you and she put her friend aside to do so. I give the girl props for not making you her ENTIRE world by telling her friend to completely "F" off because she was going to be at your house getting her mack on. She instead made a compromise - came to see you, but at the same time tried to handle things with her friend. I could also understand if this was a constant problem with her - but it sounds to me like it was the first time. Good luck making it - it's not always going to be rainbows and kittens.
Bleeve Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 When she did this ---- She replied "You are ridciulous" She was absolutely correct. If you really like her like you say you do, then how about some understanding. "I sent her a reply saying to not take this the wrong way but that she should try and leave her issues at home next time. I dont want anything getting in the way of us having a good and chill time. " Not to take it the wrong way? Is there any other way to take that? Life sometimes gets in the way of having a good and chill time. My suggestion is you apologize for being a jerk to her and ask for a second chance....but most likely you blew your chance with her Lesson learned
Devil Inside Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 Sorry brother, have to agree with the above posters. When I read that you told her not to come over if she was dealing with issues I thought...man it's all about him. If you want a relationship with this girl then she is going to have to feel as if you can be supportive and empathic...both which have to be in doubt with how you acted. I mean say you were at her house, your boy was torn up over his girl, and you were texting him and she said...hey next time if you are dealing with something that will take your attention off me don't bother. You would have to feel she was being selfish. I would call and apologize. Admit you were wrong and being sensitive.
JustLooking123 Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 I sent her a reply saying to not take this the wrong way but that she should try and leave her issues at home next time. I dont want anything getting in the way of us having a good and chill time. I think you need to relax. If my boyfriend told me to leave my issues at home and tried to force me to "have a good and chill time" constantly, I'd seriously consider dumping him ASAP. Part of being in a relationship is sharing the good AND bad in life, and being there for each other. You make it sound like you are 100% perfect, happy, and "chill" all the time; God forbid any "issues" ever come up in your life. The good news is, it sounds like she realizes how crazy your requests/attitude was.
Author letinmotion Posted August 16, 2009 Author Posted August 16, 2009 Wow, I guess there is a whole side to this that I didn't even consider. I did however try to console her about her issue but she wouldn't even tell me what was wrong and it made me feel like she was hiding something. She just said she was uncomfortable telling me and I accepted and respected that. We still have been talking to each and we already said to each other that we both were going to have busy weekends so we haven't saw each other. I will feel things out and hopefully give her a call tonight to apologize. I will admit that I can be a bit selfish sometimes but I think I more or less was annoyed that she wouldn't fill me in so I could try and help her. This is where my player antics get in the way of the relationship sometimes and sometimes even screw it up. Any suggestions on how I should apologize or what I should say? I am not very good at apologizing at all. Even though I do think this one is entirely warranted.
SoulSearch_CO Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 motion - it takes a big man to apologize. I commend you for that. How about, "You know, I thought about what I said and I want to apologize. I know you were trying to deal with a problem that your friend was having. I was a little frustrated because I wanted to try to 'fix' it and felt I was being pushed out. That's why I said what I said. Just know that I'm here to listen if you decide you want to talk about it. But I don't want this to affect us hanging out together." Something along those lines. I'm sure you could tailor it to suit what YOU would actually say.
boogieboy Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 Wow, I guess there is a whole side to this that I didn't even consider. I did however try to console her about her issue but she wouldn't even tell me what was wrong and it made me feel like she was hiding something. She just said she was uncomfortable telling me and I accepted and respected that. We still have been talking to each and we already said to each other that we both were going to have busy weekends so we haven't saw each other. I will feel things out and hopefully give her a call tonight to apologize. I will admit that I can be a bit selfish sometimes but I think I more or less was annoyed that she wouldn't fill me in so I could try and help her. This is where my player antics get in the way of the relationship sometimes and sometimes even screw it up. Any suggestions on how I should apologize or what I should say? I am not very good at apologizing at all. Even though I do think this one is entirely warranted. I dont think your instincts were wrong. You know what? I think she is seeing someone, or an ex that she is more serious about, and THATS whos she was texting that night. Issues? yeah her other guy was playing with her head and thats why she was so distant. You know what? You are her rebound, and all those texts were her ex. She is still not over him. Dont second guess yourself. You can apologise to her, but this will happen again. This is a red flag and an early warning if Ive ever seen one. I would wager that the person she was texting was an ex. Start seeing someone new in the meantime until youre sure of the real story with this girl.
SoulSearch_CO Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 I dont think your instincts were wrong. You know what? I think she is seeing someone, or an ex that she is more serious about, and THATS whos she was texting that night. Issues? yeah her other guy was playing with her head and thats why she was so distant. You know what? You are her rebound, and all those texts were her ex. She is still not over him. Dont second guess yourself. You can apologise to her, but this will happen again. This is a red flag and an early warning if Ive ever seen one. I would wager that the person she was texting was an ex. Start seeing someone new in the meantime until youre sure of the real story with this girl. Damn. Somebody's been burned. It was a first occurrence. I could understand if there were other warning signs. But this was ONE episode of her texting her friend. Don't make the guy paranoid unnecessarily. This wouldn't have been my first thought at all.
boogieboy Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 Damn. Somebody's been burned. It was a first occurrence. I could understand if there were other warning signs. But this was ONE episode of her texting her friend. Don't make the guy paranoid unnecessarily. This wouldn't have been my first thought at all. I doubt he'll be paranoid, he's got plenty of experience, but I did want to put the possibility in the back of his head.
SoulSearch_CO Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 I doubt he'll be paranoid, he's got plenty of experience, but I did want to put the possibility in the back of his head. Ah, okay. So long as you're not dead-set on the idea that yours is the ONLY possibility. I have no problem with being aware of contingencies.
Author letinmotion Posted August 17, 2009 Author Posted August 17, 2009 She sent me a text out of the blue and I decided to call her. I apologized today but she didnt seem to care too much anymore. So we talked for a bit then I told her I would give her a call tomorrow If I could do anything. I think everything is fine and dont think this was too much a setback. I've made my intentions known and she is still talking to me so Im not too worried at all.
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