MrFun Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Actually the moral of the story is if you're gonna cheat, then be damn smart about it and make sure not to get caught. What sort of conscience is that? That's like saying that the team that takes the most steroids should win, or the smartest kid in school is the one that knows how to bend the rules to his favour, or the best guy at work is the guy that buries his deeds and never gets caught. Can you see the relationship there? Get ahead (no pun intended) without getting caught and be a winner? When Ben Johnson won that race on 'roids how many people actually enjoyed that? That's not the human spirit. Cheating is just that...cheating. That conflict is something Dmoney is starting to realise.
fakobako Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 please post your name and city, so we know who to stay away from. no. you may try to stalk me or try to take out your anger of being cheated on in the past on me.
samsungxoxo Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 What sort of conscience is that? That's like saying that the team that takes the most steroids should win, or the smartest kid in school is the one that knows how to bend the rules to his favour, or the best guy at work is the guy that buries his deeds and never gets caught. Can you see the relationship there? Get ahead (no pun intended) without getting caught and be a winner?What I was trying to said is why waste so much effort to cheat only to be careless, get caught and then ending up feeling all sorry about it?? Obviously when you cheated, you do an elaborated job on it, it's afterall something that was planned. Why do it for only x mins of pleasures. It would be different ok let's say you do cheat but you end up staying with the person you cheated with. In that case, all the effort you took to cheat was worth something afterall..
Author Dmoney28 Posted August 29, 2009 Author Posted August 29, 2009 i think for the MOST part men and women cheat for diffrent purposes. I myslef like most men, cheated for the thrill of new sex. In most casses with men there 0 emotional attachment. Look at massage parlors and hookers...they service 99% men clientel. The woman i cheated with was just sex. We didnt go out to eat and i didnt invest in any emotional time with her. So it wouldnt be "worth" it for a man stay with the other woman....because he has no emotional attachment, she was meerly sex. Women i think ( i no there is no set rule for this kinda of thing) cheat because they are looking for a emotional connection they are missing with there current ex...thats why when you here of casses of the women cheating in this forum...she stays with the other man. Alot of male posters here in the break-up section are having a hard time moving on because there ex is still with the other man...enjoying a emotional relationship men view sex diffrently yhan woman. Male see it as mostly a physical act...nothinh more. Thats why that 15 minutes wasnt "worth" it...because they through away a loving partner for a 15 minute fling
Woggle Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 People can change but they have to do the work and accept reponsibility for their actions.
MrFun Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 What I was trying to said is why waste so much effort to cheat only to be careless, get caught and then ending up feeling all sorry about it?? Obviously when you cheated, you do an elaborated job on it, it's afterall something that was planned. Why do it for only x mins of pleasures. It would be different ok let's say you do cheat but you end up staying with the person you cheated with. In that case, all the effort you took to cheat was worth something afterall.. Don't understand what you're saying. Cheating isn't about effort or energy you put into it. Why is it something you plan? I don't understand the point you're trying to make. Could you please elaborate?
samsungxoxo Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Don't understand what you're saying. Cheating isn't about effort or energy you put into it. Why is it something you plan? I don't understand the point you're trying to make. Could you please elaborate?What I mean is that cheating is not just a mistake suck as forgetting to come to a meeting or doing a math problem wrong. It's in general something that was well thought out (you were planning to do it that is) and you then proceed on doing it knowing fully well that you're in a committed relationship. So with choosing the person you gonna cheat on your SO plus the lying and deception along with covering up your tracks, you are sure doing an extra work and energy there. My only question is if you wasted so much time on planning your cheating and did it, at least you could have look for convenience and not just x amount of pleasure only to then get caught and regret it... I hear of stories of these few people who actually stayed and some even marry the person who they cheated with. So in that case then yes all the effort they did to cheat was worth something. They don't have to deal with guilt nor deal with the other person's tears, none of those stressors. They are living their life happy with their new partners.
MrFun Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 My only question is if you wasted so much time on planning your cheating and did it, at least you could have look for convenience and not just x amount of pleasure only to then get caught and regret it...Cheating doesn't require planning, really. I'd even suggest that most men do not plan it out when they cheat on their SO. I don't understand the "convenience" part, and I don't understand how your "regret" process works. If I understand you correctly, it has to be worth it otherwise cheating is a waste of energy? I'm still not sure I understand what you're saying 100%. Are you saying that if you're cheating, or have put in a lot of energy and planning into it, it should be at least a worthwhile branch to cling to before letting go of the other one? I hear of stories of these few people who actually stayed and some even marry the person who they cheated with. So in that case then yes all the effort they did to cheat was worth something. They don't have to deal with guilt nor deal with the other person's tears, none of those stressors. They are living their life happy with their new partners.Reminds me of that German nazi that moved to Argentina and started a new life. Everyone loved him and he lived a full and happy life. Only he knew about all the stuff her put people through. Lemme ask you this: if you cheat on someone, what is worse, your guilty conscience nagging away at what you did or no guilty conscience at all? Especially if the effort was worth it, you know? Going through life without a conscience, just to get ahead? Sounds pretty petty to me.....
samsungxoxo Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Cheating doesn't require planning, really. I'd even suggest that most men do not plan it out when they cheat on their SO.Then that's not smart at all. You gotta think to do an action, not just go for it without even having strategies planned ahead of time and backup plan if it doesn't work... I don't understand the "convenience" part, and I don't understand how your "regret" process works..My point if living your life to the fullest with little or no regrets and if something hurt someone, well you can tell something that what you did was wrong and then move on from that. Not focus on regrets your life as it's a waste of time in my opinion. Or simply don't show regret at all, even if you feel it, hide it and replace it with other positive thoughts.... If I understand you correctly, it has to be worth it otherwise cheating is a waste of energy? I'm still not sure I understand what you're saying 100%..Well see I been trying to say that if you're gonna do something that involves hurting one's feeling, do have it plan ahead of time and have a backup if you're caught... For example if you cheat, at least make sure the other people you cheated with was worth something, esp. if you plan on staying with the other person.... Are you saying that if you're cheating, or have put in a lot of energy and planning into it, it should be at least a worthwhile branch to cling to before letting go of the other one?In a way yes or at least have the backup plan in case it don't work, otherwise you'll lose both your partner and the other person as well and what are you left with, nothing but regret which is not cool... Lemme ask you this: if you cheat on someone, what is worse, your guilty conscience nagging away at what you did or no guilty conscience at all? Especially if the effort was worth it, you know? Going through life without a conscience, just to get ahead? Sounds pretty petty to me.....I rather not have guilty conscience at all than the having it. I would drive me crazy if I had to live my life in regret for one bad chose I made that hurt someone's feeling.
harmfulsweetz Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Most people don't plan on cheating. It often happens on drunken nights out etc. If they did, and those that do plan it, are deceptive and wrong moreso than those that go out, have a few beers, and it happens well not just happens, but it's a spur of the moment, not a thought out, choice.
harmfulsweetz Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Then that's not smart at all. You gotta think to do an action, not just go for it without even having strategies planned ahead of time and backup plan if it doesn't work... My point if living your life to the fullest with little or no regrets and if something hurt someone, well you can tell something that what you did was wrong and then move on from that. Not focus on regrets your life as it's a waste of time in my opinion. Or simply don't show regret at all, even if you feel it, hide it and replace it with other positive thoughts.... Well see I been trying to say that if you're gonna do something that involves hurting one's feeling, do have it plan ahead of time and have a backup if you're caught... For example if you cheat, at least make sure the other people you cheated with was worth something, esp. if you plan on staying with the other person.... In a way yes or at least have the backup plan in case it don't work, otherwise you'll lose both your partner and the other person as well and what are you left with, nothing but regret which is not cool... I rather not have guilty conscience at all than the having it. I would drive me crazy if I had to live my life in regret for one bad chose I made that hurt someone's feeling. It all sounds very devious though, doesn't it? Back up plans? Strategies? People that do that to cheat deserve to be dumped on their backsides. Because it's so well thought out, you even have a Plan B. I'd be more likely to forgive a spontaneous mistake than something so thought out. I'd rather have my guilty conscience actually, it tells me I've done something terrible, and not to do it again. Without it, I'd do it again and again, and ultimately until I was dumped. We all would. Obviously, you can't beat yourself up forever for making a bad choice and hurting someone, but you can't just pretend it was all okay from the off.
samsungxoxo Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Obviously, you can't beat yourself up forever for making a bad choice and hurting someone, but you can't just pretend it was all okay from the off.I guess it's simply embarrassing to show remorse once caught. What's the point of it if you weren't even gonna confess it to your partner yourself. I think I would only show regret to the one who was cheated on if I were to confess to it. But if I were ''hypothetically'' to cheat on my boyfriend and then either caught in the act or found out/discovered then what would be the point of showing remorse, thus why in that case I would walked away so fast with a embarrassing look on my face and just don't look back and go NC with him....
Author Dmoney28 Posted September 4, 2009 Author Posted September 4, 2009 when i was found out, i did show remorse because i saw the effects of what i had done. The reason why i was remorseful because i saw what kind of person i was. I wouldnt have busted my ass for the past year to address my problem if i wasnt remorsefull. The hurt i caused and the guilt i carried....it was hard. The severity of trust i broke in her was horrible. For months after the breakup, i talked with her and did all within my limited power to show it wasnt her fault, but mine...it was mine..i was the selfish @$$hole who hurt her...and for that i will forever be sorry. Even now as i type this, it still stings. a year later people tell me i am a good person now, and i cant change what i did...it happened. But its still hard sometimes. It still haunts me to this day. I still feel alot of shame and self dissapointment in myself. So please, understand that some of us are sorry for what we did....and over time we have carried so much pain in ourselves fo our actions and what we did to the other party. Were just trying to feel a sense of goodness about ourselves and trying to not let it ever happen again.
samsungxoxo Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Even now as i type this, it still stings. a year later people tell me i am a good person now, and i cant change what i did...it happened.Right you can't change history but see you gotta put your past behind you and work on the future.. By the way it's good that you have a new girlfriend, work on that and treat her with respect. If she happens to one day ask if you cheated or any sort of question dealing with infidelity, you don't need to tell her that. Afterall the past is the past...
Browneyedbelle Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Dmoney... first off I applaud you. My current guy cheated on me and more than once. When I found out I packed my things and walked out. His friends stopped speaking to him and his family disowned him. About three weeks later he came to me and begged forgiveness which at the time I could not give. He asked what he could do to fix things and I laid out the rules of what must be done before Id even CONSIDER taking him back. He followed my statement to a "T" and agreed to see someone (counselor) with and without me. He changed his number and I made him get rid of his computer. Im still a bit shaky bc I do have the fear he'll do it again but Im too soft of heart and am very forgiving so Im still being cautious and keeping an eye on him but I do applaud your actions and to those hatin at you ... blow em off. they don't know you and most ppl actually DO learn from their mistakes.
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