DFA1979 Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 I feel like i just want some opinions, I guess. I'm pretty torn about this, and I have been going over it in my head for months now... I just received all my paperwork and transcripts in order to study abroad this year in college, and frankly I feel this is a point in my life (junior in college) that I need to spend the time in Europe to my full advantage, and probably spend the time during that summer traveling. Like numerous people, this is pretty much the only time I might ever be able to do this. However, my girlfriend of over 2 years is still at home. I love her very much, and she is my best friend- we're pretty much inseparable. I know if i break this off with her it will be hard, and the whole "going on break" will not work- especially if I am going to be out of the country almost half a year. Long distance relationships are one thing, but what should I do? She is a large part of my life in many ways, and I know this traveling will hinder this relationship. Plus, she is not one who would want to remain "friends". She is quite the sensitive girl... I feel like not only losing my companion but best friend and confidant. I feel its best for us both if we broke up, but I don't know when or if i should; One of the most conflicting things I've had to deal with and compromising a lot each way. If I were to break this up...is it a good idea? And how and when would be the best time to do this. I would hate to just keep spending time with her knowing its going to happen or keeping false hope. thanks.
desukadeux Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 Why exactly would you be breaking up with her if you're only going to be gone for a semester+summer in Europe? I understand that you want to go, but why not just make it clear that this is a good opportunity for you and that you can maintain an LDR while you're away? Especially if you've already been together for two years and you have a serious, loving relationship with her. While tough to maintain an LDR, that doesn't mean it's impossible by any extent of the imagination as many of these posters can show you.
Island Girl Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 Why exactly would you be breaking up with her if you're only going to be gone for a semester+summer in Europe? I understand that you want to go, but why not just make it clear that this is a good opportunity for you and that you can maintain an LDR while you're away? Especially if you've already been together for two years and you have a serious, loving relationship with her. While tough to maintain an LDR, that doesn't mean it's impossible by any extent of the imagination as many of these posters can show you. I second this. I read the post and was thinking all of the same things. You certainly aren't going to be gone long at all and you say you love her very much, she is your best friend, and you have spent over two years cultivating this relationship. So I am at a loss as to why you believe this would hinder your relationship and why you think breaking it off is a more feasible option than staying together and making it work?
Author DFA1979 Posted August 16, 2009 Author Posted August 16, 2009 I understand it sounds like it could be fine having an LDR, and I hope I'm not sounding like an a**hole. I suppose its the idea of being separated for 8 months is... uncertain. Of course we could keep in contact but I dunno i guess its just the idea of not seeing her in person for so long to hang out and spend time with her. Plus I've never really been in a situation where i wouldn't see her for that long.
Island Girl Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 I understand it sounds like it could be fine having an LDR, and I hope I'm not sounding like an a**hole. I suppose its the idea of being separated for 8 months is... uncertain. Of course we could keep in contact but I dunno i guess its just the idea of not seeing her in person for so long to hang out and spend time with her. Plus I've never really been in a situation where i wouldn't see her for that long. My husband and I were together in person about two years before we went LDR. That initial time we were never apart and lived together. We have now been LD for over 6 years and we are absolutely still just as together - in fact more together than we ever have been. 8 months is near nothing. It seems a shame to discard a healthy supportive loving relationship purely because of something as minor as a geography challenge.
AnnPod Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 I don't wanna scare you, but this is a thing that happened to me: I used to have a boyfriend, we were together for almost 3 years, and we were very serious with our relationship. I had always said I wanna go to the U.S. (I'm from Europe) for about 6 months and work there, and he always was freaking out over this, becase he said we would not be able to handle such a long separation. This kind of behaviour turned me off so much that in the end I broke up with him (!). Because I thought someone who has so little faith in our relationship can not be the right for me. He got very drama after that, said if I wanted I could go to the U.S. and he would stay with me, but at this point I had my decision already made. So in other words, what does your girlfriend say about your plans of going to Europe anyway? If you are acting like that, she might feel like you are not serious with her anyway... So figure out if you are.
LovedByHim Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 8 months isn't that long in the grand scheme of things: AKA- your life. Hate to sound cliche, but what is less than a year if it means happiness with this girl for years to come? The fact that you think it'd be best if you broke up conflicts this though, and I think you have to be incredibly honest. If you don't have enough faith in the relationship, then don't drag the poor thing along. If you're committed to her and to the relationship, then make it work. Call her when you can, use the internet and a webcam to your advantage, and just try to deal. It's not easy but it's not as hard as people make it out to be either. Visiting each other isn't out of the question either. Geographic change is a bitch, yes, but if that's your only problem, then you'll do just fine. On the other hand, if your personalities don't fit a LDR, then yah.. you'll be in a bit of trouble. I don't envy the decision you have to make, but make sure that it's the right one.
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