insaneheart Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 So let me hear your comments on this. I'll try to sum it up best I can. When dh and I split first time because of OW we go off and on of N/C. He contacted me. We get back together, blah blah blah. Doing good for 6 months then one or the other of them contacts and they start talking again. Can't say who contacted who but they start talking again. She's only allowed to contact him when he's at work of course because he doesn't want me to find out. Well of course I do find out anyway because it's not hard to look at the cell phone usage (even though she thinks shes being clever by *67 and ringing in as private caller) I give ultimatum and he stops again. This goes back and forth for 3 months until I finally tell him to go to OW and get her out of his system or just stay with her. One week goes by. He wants to be friends with me. Now I'm the OW and he tells me to call him anytime I want to but only when he is at work. I do at first because I think I can't live without talking to him and think I have to hash all that went wrong and then realize I'm back to my old pattern so I stop. He keeps texting and saying he wants to be friends. Well, wtf does he think he's doing now with her. He's cheating on her now. Of course he doesn't see it as cheating, just talking...no big deal huh? Well, I'm gonna play along because I think tit-for-tat is only fair. I am in pain but I can be evil too and I did tell her that he would be doing the same thing to her because he just wasn't ready to let me go and we'd already been down this road before. Can't say I didn't warn her. Oh but I won't be doing the calling. Leaving that all up to him to hang himself yet again. Lot more to the story but you can see the pattern here. He's a confused little boy. I may be an idiot for still wanting to work my marriage out but atleast I know what I want.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 He's keeping you both because he can. Neither of you are forcing him to make a choice, so he simply chose "both". You have to knock him off the fence now. Tell him that this is killing you, that you want your marriage back but since he chose to be with OW, you have no choice but to divorce and never speak to him again. You have to be serious, and you have to actually have those papers ready to sign. Tell him you will sign the papers, and have them delivered to him and then tell him that you want him out of your life forever, and to never contact you again. I would bet he comes a' running back. If he doesn't, then all you will have lost is a man who did not care enough about you to come back to you.
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