tiresome Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 My girlfriend used to be a party girl she had hundreds of guy friends and lots of best guy friends. She used to drink, smoke, do lots of different drugs. She lived with her boyfriend from 14-18 and he was 3 years older than her. She said she has changed since then and stopped doing those things. We have never met and she is 2000 miles away from me. Her house is like an open house for anyone to come and hang out she says, every day people hang out in her garage with her sister and they party, play beer pong from 5-8 am! Now there are lots of guys there often and I don't know any of these guys. But sometimes she hangs out there til that late around these people. She says she just chit chats with guys there but doesn't talk, she used to play beer pong with them without drinking though. But she gets mad at me for wanting her to stop hanging around them so late. When she doesn't hang out and is in her room sometimes guys walk by and stop in to talk to her. She had many best guy friends and they are there a lot, some are there all day long. Once one even came in her room in the middle of the night while she was sleeping to put things on her as a joke. I stopped hanging around girls out of respect for her. She also blows off days we planned together often and we barely talk as much as we used to. Today I we planned to spend the day together, Saturday, and she swore to me atleast 10 times that we would hang out today for most of the day together, but it is now 11:33 pm and she is still out.. She went out with her sisters though to eat and hang out so I guess I shouldn't feel bad. When I tell her she say's "They are like my older brothers/family" or "Well what am I supposed to do!? I won't do anything ever again. What if they come to my room? Am I supposed to just run away?" She obviously doesn't like that. But if she get's weird and jealous if I am around girls even during the day. She is with them til 5 am and parties sometimes that late at places with lots of guys.. I am never out that late. She doesn't call me ever during that just texts me. We are extremely committed and are planning on getting married. But I don't know what to do. please I need some advice.
hoping2heal Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 You are extremely comitted and planning to get married? Well, YOU might be extremely comitted, she doesn't act like she is. I don't know, but she doesn't seem to me to have changed that lifestyle, it's a possibility, but with all the sketchy details; constant partying/partiers at her house, her participating, her texting but never calling during them? Why is this? What is she hiding? I don't know, some sketchy things going on here.
Tony T Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 You're planning on marrying somebody you've never met, who lives 2,000 miles away, who blows you off at every turn? See a good counselor and work on your self esteem. A nice dog would be a better companion. Geeze!
Author tiresome Posted August 16, 2009 Author Posted August 16, 2009 The thing is she says she is just as committed and she used to not be like that at all she used to be just as considerate and compassionate and caring as me, who would make time for me and actually go out of her way to talk to me but then there was just a point where she changed and said she missed her friends and she knows that she's changed.
hoping2heal Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 The thing is she says she is just as committed and she used to not be like that at all she used to be just as considerate and compassionate and caring as me, who would make time for me and actually go out of her way to talk to me but then there was just a point where she changed and said she missed her friends and she knows that she's changed. Sweetheart, today's lesson is all about actions. If I had a dime for everytime someone got treated like crap, or blown off, or disrespected, etc etc. and then the other person said "Yeah, but he/she says they love" "he/she is very comitted and wants to marry." Words will do you no good, unless the person who tells them to you, uses action to verify their validity. She is 2,000 miles away, she can tell you anything she wants if she likes and there's no way for you to any different. Now, if she was caring then, but isn't now you've got a problem. I have friends and family and things to incorporate into my life, I don't blow off my bf for them, I simply don't make plans I won't keep with him. Also, I always try and give him a call or talk to him for a few minutes while I am out, etc. It's weird that she texts you during parties but doesn't call, makes me think she's hiding something.
Author tiresome Posted August 16, 2009 Author Posted August 16, 2009 Thank you, I am going to listen to your advice, this doesn't feel right to me at all. This is what happened she left at around 6 when we were supposed to hang out together to go to the store to get flax seeds for a diet she said. She told me that on the phone, but she ended up going to look at a house with her mom, went out to eat with her sister, went to her other sisters apartment, went to the store with one friend, and then to another with another friend, then she had to take cards to her other sister to this guys house. And she is still out and it is now 12:41.
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