Scaredfatherof2 Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 Hello everyone …. Well I hate the fact I had to search for advice on this matter. The last 3 weeks have been hell. I’m not sure how long a summary I should make on my situation … so if it’s to long please forgive me. I’ve been married to my wife for 17 yrs. In Aug of 06 our world crumbled around us and we lost our business of 10 yrs. Luckily my wife wanted to return to school 2 yrs earlier because she didn’t like being part of the business. She was a stay at home mom for 10 yrs and did the books in our home office. In May of 06 she graduated with her RN degree. We tried to save our home and belongings with her RN income, but couldn’t and lost everything. With nowhere to turn we asked for help from family. Her parents made us an offer to come stay with them in Fl. We did and the plan was for me to assume the role of stay at home dad and finish my degree while she supported us with her income. . We have done this for 2 yrs. I have 2 more yrs to go to complete my RN degree. Well 3 weeks ago I find out she is having an affair. I blow my top and told her she should move out if it doesn’t end it. The next day she clears out our bank account and moves into her own 1 bedroom apartment an hr away . She states she wasn’t happy for a long time and I should have seen the signs. What signs .. She told me she loved me everyday. We made love almost daily. Our kids knew we loved each other because we showed it hugging and kissing every moment we were together. These actions are just crazy. How can someone change over night. I’m confused and scared. She has only given the kids and I $200 to live on for the past 3 weeks. She will not talk about any of this with me and says will support me and the kids till I finish school but needs time to think about things. The kids are hurt and angry . They have so many questions I don’t have the answers for. This past Wed. she called and wanted to come over to get the kids for a few hrs because she had a few days off. I put my foot down and said she needed to spend more than a few hrs with them. So I packed over night bags for their stay with her. She called me mid day Thurs. and said she picked up a shift at work Fri night and the kids could only stay one night. I go to get the kids and spoke to her about money. She stated she knows she needed to work more hrs to help support the now two household we have. I asked if she would be giving us any money from her check she was getting the next day. She said no that it was all gone because all of the expenses of moving into her new place. Well last night her work calls to see if she would like to work Sat. night I stated that she should be there. They stated no and she wasn‘t scheduled to come to work till SUN…..WTF …. Lie so she wouldn’t have the kids. I also asked if she was still seeing him. She said yes …. I was so hurt. I loaded the kids into my in-laws truck I borrowed and took them home. My 13 yr old asked if mommy was going to ever come home. Angry and hurt I did something horrible I told both my 11 and 13 yr that she wasn’t and that she had a boyfriend. WHAT DID I DO …I don‘t want to be that type of person to pit the kids against her …... They both said the knew and had asked her a couple of times. She has always be a good mother …. I just don’t understand what is happening here. I have no money, living with her parents who are on a budget, starting the RN program at the end of the month to help provide a good future for my kids. Wife says she loves me and is confused. HELP WHERE DO I TURN Wife 35 Me 42 Kids 11 and 13
dunstable Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 First of all, be prepared for the worst. She sounds like she is making a new life with this new man and is not very interested in having the children around. If so, the good news is that you will not be one of those fathers who has to fight for access to his children. I would suggest you seek sole custody of the children and get a court order for her to pay maintenance. You haven't said what her parents think about it. So far, they seem supportive towards you. Hopefully, that will continue. I suggest you join one of those organizations for single fathers -- they will be able to provide you with moral support and experience-based advice, maybe free legal advice. Don't ever speak ill of her to the children. Don't restrict her access to them. But don't try to push them onto her either or it may look as if you are as disinterested in having them as she is. I suggests when she says she can't have them --even if the reasons she gives are lies as in the recent instance -- you welcome the opportunity to have them with you (sounds like you have her parents to baby sit so you can generally have them despite your studies/work). Good luck. It's an awful situation. Her behavior has been despicable. Keep us informed of developments. PS I would discount that she says she loves you and is confused. Her actions are not consistent with that.
hopesndreams Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 She has not only abandoned you but abandoned her kids as well. Many WW do this. Why? Because it gets in their way of enjoying a new relationship with their new man. It is 100% selfish. She may have moved into a 1 bedroom, but believe me, she is not alone. No matter how hard that is to hear, she is not alone. It was planned, and probably for quite the while, without your knowledge. Well 3 weeks ago I find out she is having an affair. I blow my top and told her she should move out if it doesn’t end it. The next day she clears out our bank account and moves into her own 1 bedroom apartment an hr away . She states she wasn’t happy for a long time and I should have seen the signs. What signs .. She told me she loved me everyday. We made love almost daily. Our kids knew we loved each other because we showed it hugging and kissing every moment we were together. These actions are just crazy. How can someone change over night. It has nothing to do with you. Don't ever blame yourself. She does not have a moral compass. No matter how long you have been with someone, they can turn, easily, if they are lacking in moral character. She has turned, and cares not about you, or her children, only for herself. Live your life without this woman. The woman you knew...is gone.
RA1 Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 It has nothing to do with you. Don't ever blame yourself. The sudden withdrawal of her financial support, her moving out, her excuses to avoid having the children - it all sounds like a woman who is totally selfish. Live your life without this woman. The woman you knew...is gone. Agreed. Make sure you get everything you are entitled to by way of financial support. Petition for divorce, and apply for custody and child support.
Gunny376 Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 She's peaking as a woman "hormonally" as a woman! The nerve endings in a woman's vagina are not fully developed until around age 35. Add into that being 'pre-menopausal" WHooooooHooooo! Look out and Stand by to stand by!
Author Scaredfatherof2 Posted August 16, 2009 Author Posted August 16, 2009 I am on the way to healing myself. I know it is over and I have to look after my kids. I just have my moments. Her parents are very supportive of me and the kids. They don't have extra money, however they do a place for us to stay until I finish school. I have great friends and family that are helping also. I quess no matter how good you treat someone .... things can change. "The grass is greener" can hit anyone or so it seems. Telling the kids in the way I did is making me feel sooooooo guilty. I'll learn from that mistake and not repeat it again. It is and was the only time I have said anything negative about her to them. They hurt and I don't have answers for them. I guess I felt trapped and had to be honest about the situation. She is their mother and her actions, not mine will be what they remember. I have no money for an Attorney. How can I get custody and financial support without the ability to pay for a lawyer????
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