MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 How exactly do I put myself out there again? I swore I wouldn't do online dating again, and only try to meet men in the real world. But living in a smaller community, it's not easy, there is nothing to do here. This has been the worst summer for weather and everything else. I spent so many evenings home alone, partly my own fault, but now that I am truly available, I am still sitting at home. All my friends have families of their own and are busy. I don't always feel like driving an hour to the city to wander around by myself trying to pick up men! The gym here is full of <30 guys (I'm 44). I don't go to bars. I am shy. So I am back online again. I went on a date last night. I don't see anything longer term with this guy, and now he messaged me that he will call tomorrow. I am not available, and want to tell him that. But I also want him to know that I don't think we have enough in common. I hate that feeling when guys tell me that, and hate causing others to feel that, but I know I can't lead anyone on either. Any ideas how I should word this? Any other ideas on how I can put myself out there again? Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 In my oh-so-humble-opinion - try meetup.com. It's not a dating site. They have different groups with different interests. I think it's good to just get OUT there. I joined it quite awhile ago, there wasn't anything in my immediate area, so the membership sat there awhile. Then Ruggy mentioned it on here as a good place to meet people for DATING. That sounded so weird to me. Well, I moved to a small area (like you are in) when I was married - I know NOBODY here. So I thought, after Ruggy mentioned that, "You know, I'd like to just meet PEOPLE in the area. I feel kind of isolated." I broadened my search parameters to the farthest I'd be willing to travel and joined a couple groups in the largest town close to me (an hour away). I wasn't even looking to date. Let's just say that...yeah...I think I might be dating. LOL But anyway - even if I hadn't met someone I was interested in (cause I wasn't looking for that!), it's still a great way to get to know people in the area. I went on a meetup today and it was a lot of fun - rather than being cooped up in the house. Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 My question to you is...how long have you been alone? Don't you like your own company? You seem to go from one to the next from what I have read. Give yourself a chance to like you...... You are a smart, savvy woman, why are you out there looking when you have just been through a really sh*te time of it? Not judgmental, honestly...but why o why are you so worried and why do you have to seek out former past loves? Do you not like yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 16, 2009 Author Share Posted August 16, 2009 My question to you is...how long have you been alone? Don't you like your own company? You seem to go from one to the next from what I have read. Give yourself a chance to like you...... You are a smart, savvy woman, why are you out there looking when you have just been through a really sh*te time of it? Not judgmental, honestly...but why o why are you so worried and why do you have to seek out former past loves? Do you not like yourself? I'm working on this part of my life, and I am 99% there. I love myself, and I am happy, but I am b-o-r-e-d. I don't want to jump into anything. But I would like to meet people, and get to know someone. I don't want it to happen where one day I am "ready" and then oh god now I know nobody, and it's going to take 5 years to meet people and get to know them. I want to start getting to know people now. The best part of my relationship with the MM was that we knew each other for so long before it happened. I think that is what made it so great, not the fact that he was married. I don't think it is possible to fall in love with a stranger in a few months. I want to get to know people so instead of sitting at home on a weekend, I can just call someone up and say hey, let's go to a movie, or go for a round of golf, or head to the beach. These aren't things I have any interest in doing alone. My girlfriends have a kazillion kids and are busy with their families. Also, this loneliness only seems to affect me in summer when there is nothing to do and the kids are with their dad. In winter there aren't enough hours in a day!! One day I will find a way to balance this but putting my winter sport in summer isn't an option lol. Link to post Share on other sites
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