Cens Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 My wife and I have known each other for eight years and have been married for six. Four weeks ago she told me in a very angry way that she felt like she was living a single life and she wanted to leave. She was very angry at me and I was completely shocked. I had not expected or seen this coming. I am her third husband. She is my first wife. Of course every story is full of twists and turns. Between 2005 and 2006 I gained an enormous amount of weight (later found to be due to a prescription medication) and became very depressed and, as if that wasn't bad enough, turn to drink for solace. I wasn't able to escape from this situation until very early this year when when I managed to put the bottle down and start doing things about my health. I've lost 86 pounds since them and "turned my health and my outlook around" in many ways. Although she never said anything to me about it, she has since told me that it really bothered her and that she thought I was going to die. I am completely ashamed of what I had allowed myself to become, and was really starting, besides the weight loss and not drinking, to bring a lot of positive things into my life. Then in May her mother unexpectedly died. They had a tense relationship throughout her life. Her mom would often make negative comments about her whenever the families where together. She seem to relish a biting comment towards her daughter now and again. My wife still loved her and her father very much and was (we both were) very active in her parents life. I was shocked at her mother's death also, and during that time I have been told that I did a lot of "awful" things. Like leaving the hospital and leaving her their with her father. I genuinely thought that she thought it was important for me to go home and take care of our pets (we have many). But, I obviously screwed that up and a couple other things. This seems to be where the all of the anger has come from. So we split the savings accounts and the debt, I'm living in the house and have spent the last two weekends helping her pack and move out. So far I've been all over the map in reactions. Mostly a lot of crying and horror at the thought that she is gone. Also so ashamed for the drinking. A lot of soul searching has led me to the conclusion that I really love my wife and that I want to have a second chance. We are both in personal counseling, as well as couples counseling since this started. She is still very depressed about her mother, and our situation. I feel so bad for her and I want to help but she's keeping me a distance right now. I've been trying as hard as I can to do the 180 thing, although I've backpedaled and begged a few times also. So far the most positive thing I seem to be able to do is just support her and try as hard as I can not to lay any heavy emotions on her. I really want a second chance. I really love her and I'm pretty sure she still loved me up until everything went haywire earlier this year. Advice? Opinions?
LisaUk Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 Hi I'm so sorry for what is happening to you. The best shot you have here really is the 180 and you have already made a good start on that! Does it really sound plausible that as you had quit drinking and lost all that weight (I know how hard that is I lost 83lbs last year, so Congrats for that!), that she would leave when things were on the up between you? Sure she could argue that the damage was done, but ask yourself this, why would she stay all through that and as things get better decide to go? Add into the equation she is on her third husband? I don't know why her other marriages failed, perhaps I am about to make an unfair comment here, but any chance because she is incapable of resolving conflicts?
Chrome Barracuda Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 You are her Third husband!!! Hello Mcfly!!!! *knock knock! Dude she has possibly issues you cant deal with. who ends up saying I've been feeling like I've been living the single life and I'm married. Huh??? WTF? dude it's not you. And I bet if you compare notes with her exes they might be similar.
Gunny376 Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 You are her Third husband!!! Hello Mcfly!!!! *knock knock! What amazes me! Is the State of Alabama had to pass a law that you couldn't marry the same person more than three times, and that you couldn't marry more than six times!
Author Cens Posted August 16, 2009 Author Posted August 16, 2009 I'm more of the opinion that she has suffered some sort of psychotic break because of the death of her mother. Her first two marriages were much earlier in her life and much shorter in duration than ours. Her attitudes and behaviors changed significantly after her death and she is very depressed. I'm not sure that that is just wishful thinking on my part but I want to do what's right.
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