truebluefna Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 Hi, im new and would like some advice on my situation...so heres where im at and ill try to summarize as much as possible Okay my fiance of 2yrs. has left me to stay with his sister in another state because he "needs a break from everything". Although I begged him to stay and work things thru - he left anyway. We love each other very much although we have BOTH been at fault for the amount of fighting we do. I mean we have been argueing for a loooong time. Two main reasons: He drinks and I dont -and I have a temper and have trust issues and say and do childish things when I get mad. Anyway, we both know that on both our parts things were getting out of hand - him staying drunk and pissed at me and me mad and acting stupid so he left. My dilema is can he get over the issues with me? when we talk on the phone he brings up all the past but says he wants to come home im just confused
Starshine Black Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 If you two have any chance of working, you have to see a councilor together. It's very important he understands NOT to bring up the past in an argument, to gain leverage. This eats the soul of the relationship and kills ultimate attraction. You two have to both agree to see a councilor. That is the best chance you have. Because you both understand you both have problems. This is a crucial step. You understand you have problems, so now all you have to do is seek help for them.
moo Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 I was thinking the same thing...therapy sounds like it could benefit the relationship. And if you do go to therapy, you two have to LISTEN, don't interrupt the other one, really listen.
Author truebluefna Posted August 15, 2009 Author Posted August 15, 2009 thanks and yes seeking counseling would help alot im sure - but i doubt that he would go. weve talked in depth about our issues and i know that in order to move forward you have to forgive.(forget comes gradually). the past hurts on both our parts but i dont know its like we come to this mature mutual understanding on what we both need from each other and next thing you know, we are argueing about stuff even argueing about arguements we havent had yet but predict we will have - how crazy is that I just dont want him coming home and we fall in the same pattern. guess you dont know till ya try huh?
Starshine Black Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 Iyou two have to LISTEN, don't interrupt the other one, really listen. This is truly great advice that I missed. You must listen, indeed. But if you can't get him to go to therapy, then you don't mean enough to him. And if you don't mean enough to him, then this relationship is not worth saving.
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