xXxshootingstarxXx Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 I really need some help, I cannot stop obsessing about my ex boyfriend. He broke up with me a year ago today and I tried the whole 'being friends' right after the break-up which went on for 5 months until I couldn't handle it anymore as I wanted more, he didn't and so I ended all contact with him. I even changed my mobile number and I've had no contact with him for 8 months now. I heard through the grapevine that he's now living with someone else which should spur me on to move on... To a certain extent I have, my weeks and weekends are busy mostly, but damn, I don't half miss him. Then I got this email off his mum this week:- "Hello How are you doing? I am so happy because im now Part time I have started just this week im so happy! Instead of working nearly 40 hours I am now working 4 x 5 hour days. Feel like a huge weight has been lifted. Are you single? Hope your mum and dad are well Please pass on my best Love (ex's mum) xxxx" Being the person I am, I cannot ignore it. So I replied to her email and this was her second response:- "Hello Was so lovely to receive your e mail. The shifts I am on this week are fab as I start at 4.45 and finish at 9.45 Its great I get the whole day to myself. We are going to Wembly at the weekend to see U2!!!! We are making it a long weekend and staying over im so excited. Yes I am loving having more time with David although yesterday morning I put his wallet in the wash and he almost Got cross. I am loving our garden so much. Now that I am part time I can spend a little longer when I go cleaning You take care I wish you nothing but happiness xxxx" As I am ALWAYS hoping to reconnect with my ex boyfriend, I thought his mum was fishing for something?! I am soooo deluded, my vision is blurred by my emotions and obsessive thinking of my ex. I KNOW he's never coming back, geez he's never looked back since getting with his new women... But honestly depression seriously has overkill on me of late and I cry solid for hours. My work colleagues are even worried about me as they say I look so sad lately. I can't seem to be churpy and have no-one to talk to about my situation. I guess it boils down to feeling embarrassed by the fact I still love my ex from the core of heart.... One year on. When it's clear as day, I should forget and move on ~ being a sensitive soul that I am, that saying destroys me inside and makes me rebel because it's so easy for others to just tell you that when quite honestly, switching off those feelings for someone you were madly and deeply in love with but never appreciated it or valued the relationship when I had it, is sooo bleeding hard... And it makes me hold soooo much regret. Wish I could just turn back the clock. Now this is where I completely screwed up again because I've sinced emailed my ex the following:- "Hello, Just thinking of you and wanted to say I hope you know you can get in touch anytime (even in a year! ) about anything and that everything is working out for you. Hope that you are well and happy ~ you deserve to be! Would be nice to hear from you. Take Care" Good god I soooo wish he was still mine! Bordering craziness lady and I'm definitely pathetic I know. Anyone out there have some kind words of comfort please?!
Starshine Black Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 First off, cry every chance you get. Never hold it in. The only way to ever heal is through tears. Next off, while your email will be perceived as pathetic... I can't blame you. You just love someone very much that you miss. I'm right there with you. I sent my ex a letter in the mail too. I know it's not pathetic, your reasons for doing what you did. You did it because you genuinely care about someone.. But all you can do is keep going NC. Right about now, at 8 months, you should be where I refer to as the "middle of the tunnel". You probably see vaguely a light at the end of the tunnel, but no longer a light from the entrance. Each day you will get closer to the light at the end of the tunnel. And once you reach it, you will be so much stronger for the walk.
Dmoney28 Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 first of all, you're not crazy. Sometimes when people had a genuine connection and love, it takes a while for them to move past it 100%. And even when you do move on completly, you'll we still have them in your thoughts from time to time. There is no set time to get over someone...it just happens. I'm in the a similar situation as you. I still care very deeply for my ex ( a year later). It dosent hurt like it used to. But she still has a place in my heart...even though i'm dating and she is in another relationship. I never loved anyone, like i loved her...and i may not ever. Its just one of those unique kinds of bonds you have with people. I may love my next GF...but it would be a diffrent kind of love.
manaja Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 Three years ago I dated a woman on the rebound for about 5 months, she was always falling out with her chap , he kept leaving her and going back to his wife, so she tried to move on , we dated for 5 months, then she dumped me and went back to him because he said he had changed and loved her, that was jan 2007, in jan 2008, she dumps him because she is fed up with his not knowing what he wants, I in the mean time had tried to move on and had met someone else, my ex on hearing this , started to text me , just as friends... Jan this year I fell out with my new girlfriend, she drank to much for me.. .at the end of may. my ex who had dumped me the year earlier and who was textin me as friends decides we should get back together, I always had a soft spot for her, so we did.. . she told me she had no more feelings for her ex, who she had dumped me for back in 2007, but they keep in touch as mates and had met up a couple of times for coffee, she said , he had wanted to get back with her and regretted treating her the way he did ,running back to his wife every five mins and now wanted her back because he had sorted his demons out and had , had a couple of failed relationships in the last eighteen months they had been apart, he told her he was very sorry and it took this year and a half out to find out he loved her very much.... ..four weeks later she went back to him...she never told me she didnt want to see me again, she just said .." its not you its me ".. I said "were breaking up then?"..she totally denies it. two days later she dumps me and goes back to him...It took a year to move the first time she finished with me, this time I dont feel half as bad, just mildly annoyed for being taken in again.
manaja Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 my ex did live on my street at one time, so it hurt a lot more when I saw her, when she was single and heard id started to see someone else thats when she was textin me as a friend more often, sending me joke texts and things like that. Looking back I think she felt she was missing something in me, because when we got back together, she told me ina text "i really missed you am i bein daft or wot ?" a month later she goes back to her ex whom she had dumped 18 months earlier, the only consolation is that she moved from my street in oct last year and I dont see her anymore, ive stayed nc since we split. I do know that she enjoyed the sex with me when we were last together, her boyfriend (the guy who was still heartbroken over his wife ) never really wanted her that way...I think she was wanting what she cant have, now she s back with him, it does bother me if I think about it, being dumped once is bad enough, but twice by the same person I feel stupid.
Author xXxshootingstarxXx Posted August 16, 2009 Author Posted August 16, 2009 Each day you will get closer to the light at the end of the tunnel. And once you reach it, you will be so much stronger for the walk. This line gives me a sense of security inside, I know I will get there oneday once I learn how to banish the negative thoughts of loneliness and feeling like I will forever been on my own... wishing for the return of my ex. first of all, you're not crazy. Sometimes when people had a genuine connection and love, it takes a while for them to move past it 100%. And even when you do move on completly, you'll we still have them in your thoughts from time to time. There is no set time to get over someone...it just happens. I'm in the a similar situation as you. I still care very deeply for my ex ( a year later). It dosent hurt like it used to. But she still has a place in my heart...even though i'm dating and she is in another relationship. I never loved anyone, like i loved her...and i may not ever. Its just one of those unique kinds of bonds you have with people. I may love my next GF...but it would be a diffrent kind of love. It so nice to know i'm not completely alone in the world thinking and feeling the way I do. Thank you my ex did live on my street at one time, so it hurt a lot more when I saw her, when she was single and heard id started to see someone else thats when she was textin me as a friend more often, sending me joke texts and things like that. Looking back I think she felt she was missing something in me, because when we got back together, she told me ina text "i really missed you am i bein daft or wot ?" a month later she goes back to her ex whom she had dumped 18 months earlier, the only consolation is that she moved from my street in oct last year and I dont see her anymore, ive stayed nc since we split. I do know that she enjoyed the sex with me when we were last together, her boyfriend (the guy who was still heartbroken over his wife ) never really wanted her that way...I think she was wanting what she cant have, now she s back with him, it does bother me if I think about it, being dumped once is bad enough, but twice by the same person I feel stupid. I can understand why you may feel stupid but you had your reasons for allowing her back into your life and unfortunately she mislead you along the way. Don't beat yourself up about it though, I would have probably done exactly the same as you too, and as foolish as I am - even now i'd welcome my ex back with open arms... given the chance! He'd probably dump me all over again but because he's locked deep within my heart (and it bloody isn't letting him go anytime soon ) I'd be a 'yes person' in other words, I'd do what it takes to keep him. In hindsight, that'll never happen for me as I very much doubt he'll ever return anyway and as most might think it'd be a 'blessing in disguise'.
manaja Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 This line gives me a sense of security inside, I know I will get there oneday once I learn how to banish the negative thoughts of loneliness and feeling like I will forever been on my own... wishing for the return of my ex. It so nice to know i'm not completely alone in the world thinking and feeling the way I do. Thank you I can understand why you may feel stupid but you had your reasons for allowing her back into your life and unfortunately she mislead you along the way. Don't beat yourself up about it though, I would have probably done exactly the same as you too, and as foolish as I am - even now i'd welcome my ex back with open arms... given the chance! He'd probably dump me all over again but because he's locked deep within my heart (and it bloody isn't letting him go anytime soon ) I'd be a 'yes person' in other words, I'd do what it takes to keep him. In hindsight, that'll never happen for me as I very much doubt he'll ever return anyway and as most might think it'd be a 'blessing in disguise'. Thanks I know your right and yes I was a "yes" person totally round her, I was willing to compromise everything and she knew that...it took me over a year last time to move on and start seeing someone again without being on a rebound , this time it wont take as long , that much I know because she doesnt live a few doors down from me now . its easier to go nc this time.
love 420 Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 ShootingStar I wasn't going to register on this site. Combing through all the threads searching for someone who is going through what I am going through at the moment, was good enough for me---until I read your post. *sigh* My ex and I were together for 5 years. In the last two years he had left three times, but always came back. Albeit once it took him a year. That was the last time he came back. He showed up from 3000 miles. He missed us. He said he was back this time. He knew everytime he looked at me, that I WAS THE ONE. He asked me to stop seeing the new guy. I only just began dating anyone. Almost a year of being dumped did I finally BEGIN to get over the ex and start meeting new people. I take forever to get over. And I understand you completely. It sucks. Anyways, he stays with me for 3 months, and all along he says he has to leave by mid-February to take care of some things before coming back so we can live the rest of out f*c*ing lives together. (Sorry, it just came out my mouth like that lol.) I should have known when he left on Feb 13th, but again f*ck me for being so blind. He called me on the 15th, apologizing some stupid ass excuse. I lost it. It was a repeat of last year, only this time I wasn't pregnant. Fast-forward 7 weeks to May and his brother texts me that my ex got married. My heart just sank. My heart is completely broken. Its been almost 7 months since and yet it feels like yesterday many days. I will admit it has gotten ALOT better the last month. But I do understand your pain and where your coming from. Take extra care of yourself right now. I agree with others saying no contact is best. Looking back, if we had no contact in the past when he left , Im sure i would have gotten over him that much quicker. But then again, who am I to talk. Seven months is quite a long time. I think you need to take your time now and focus and you. Pedicures, manicures, at home facials. Anything to keep the focus on you, and better yet if ITS ALL ABOUT YOU right now. xo
hiljen22 Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Shooting Star, You have no idea how your post read to me- it was like reading my own words. It's been nearly 8months since my ex and I last saw each other, and whilst I may have a good few days and be able to bat the thoughts of him away, there will be that one day that I will breakdown and not know what to do with myself. I had just moved to a new city and was full of confidence that this was my big break. I met A throught my flatmate and we started a relationship up fairly quickly but it felt like the perfect thing for us. He had just left a year long relationship and was pretty cut up about it. However, I didn't realise how much, thinking his reluctance to talk about his ex was just because we were the focus now. His friends loved me, his sisteer loved me, I met his parents really quickly and we had lots to talk about. Then really out of the blue, he gets cold feet and says it's over. I was beside myself, not fully understanding why when I had no indication that anything was on his mind. He called my flatmate to speak to me a few weeks later and was inconsolable that he'd done the wrong thing and wanted me to drive the 2hour drive over out of the city. I duely did it the next morning to be met by hugs, kisses, snuggling... It all seemed perfect, so we began 'seeing eachother' again. I play it cool but a week goes by and I've heard nothing from him so boldly drive over to his house to state that this wasn't what I wanted, no half-a**ed attempts at a relationship. I hoped he would apologise and say he had every intention of calling and seeing me (in a few weeks when he had time, he added!). Instead he thanked me for my bravery in coming over, we had a hug, I cried a lot, I left and called everyone I hoped would care to keep me from driving into oncoming traffic. I honestly felt this bad and it has only become more repressed, more angry, more resentful that perhaps all he wanted was his ex instead of me. He assured me that I was 'intoxicating' and that he was falling for me but in his last and final text to me 8months ago, he said "I think about you too but I must sort myself out first". I then heard that he moved back to his parents house for a while (the guy who has a dicey relationship with his rents moving back home often spells trouble) and all I wanted to do was make sure he was ok, even if it wasn't me he was so cut up about. Since then I have had NO reply to any of my messages, zip, nada- even a message asking if I there was any hope after his last message or should I move on? I guess he took the cowards option and didn't reply for lack of anything to say! I am a need-to-know girl and the silence has been agony. He seems to have disappeared off the face of the planet (to me at least) and his friends haven't tried to bridge the gap by asking if I'm ok or telling me how he is or what he's up to, if he's better?! To make it worse my flatmate and I have fallen out primarily over the fact that she blames me for A no longer talking to her! I know only of one snippet of information that my devious little housemate kept from me for 4months until her boyfriend showed it to me, thinking I ought to know. A text her and said, amongst other things: "I was never good enough for Jen- she needs something special and god knows I wish I could give it to her". That is where I am up to. No developments, plenty of loose ends with not much to go on and still I don't know if I meant anything to him in comparison to his pain of his ex whom he was trying to get over whilst dating me. It's happened before that a guy had wanted to fall in love with me but couldn't but this felt almost there. The only reassurance I can give myself is that it may have been the real thing- holding hands, birds singing, skipping through a field of daisies type thing- but in another life. If life hadn't have got in the way, if we weren't so young, so intent on setting up our careers or if we weren't a tedious journey away from each other then we would have had it. I just can' help thinking that maybe omce those things are fixed we may find each other again, but until then I feel like he's lost and I'm the only one pining Then again, it is past 3am and I'm furiously typing this post through my Blacckberry instead of sleeping. It's at times like these I don't feel like even starting afresh will help as a guy always comes along just when you don' want or need him!!! Ha ha! Good night all, the rant helped, thank you xxx
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