Remaining friends

[Eclypse]

I revealed my feelings to the girl whom I've liked for ages. She said she wasn't surprised, she's known for ages. Said I am one of her closest friends and that if we entered relations it might destroy that and she doesn't want that. Then she said she hoped I would still want to be friends.

 

I was dissapointed and sad. But it was my fault really. I got attatched. Bit hard not to really, when you are around someone every day! All my friends who I've talked to say that I shouldn't give up trying with her, that it's not over. I'm not sure what to do. I didn't want to push anything on her, I know that no means no. But yet despite that, in a deep dark part of my mind i hope that maybe she will change her mind and want to give a relationship a go. I don't want to sound desperate or needy though. I try to be as realisitic as possible.

 

Had to spend all day with her again ( just us 2 for the most part) today at school. I still love being in her company, but it did tear my heart apart a little bit on the inside knowing nothing was going to happen ever.

 

I guess I have 3 options now. A: Try to act like nothing happened and keep hanging out and being friends as usual.

B: Same as A but keep trying for something.

C: Just go somewhere else and avoid her.

 

I don't think I would like C very much, as I do quite enjoy being friends with her, and she did want to stay friends. I know a lot of people on here though think you can't be friends with someone who you like but they dont like you back. I'm just a little peeved I didn't start falling for her earleir on before we became good friends and could have had a chance. Got no one to blame but me. So anyone got advice? I don't fall for people too easily. This was the first one in well over a year. I really did care a lot about her :/

[Excellent]

And when she meets someone else, then what? You have feelings for her, and want a relationship with her. But she doesn't. Being just a friend, and having those feelings is not a fun place to be. Always have to act like everything is fine on the outside, whilst on the inside it tears you up.

[Thornton]

She said she wasn't surprised, she's known for ages. Said I am one of her closest friends and that if we entered relations it might destroy that and she doesn't want that. Then she said she hoped I would still want to be friends.

So she knew you liked her, and she said nothing, probably in the hope that you'd never make a move and she'd never have to hurt you by turning you down. That suggest someone who truly isn't interested - she wasn't all like "Yipee he likes me!" she was all "OMG I'll just say nothing and hope it blows over". The thing about not wanting a relationship because it might destroy your friendship is just a way of letting you down easily, because the truth would hurt too much - she's just not interested in you.

 

All my friends who I've talked to say that I shouldn't give up trying with her, that it's not over. But yet despite that, in a deep dark part of my mind i hope that maybe she will change her mind and want to give a relationship a go. I don't want to sound desperate or needy though.

Sorry but I don't agree with your friends. She's told you point-blank that she's not interested; what more do you want? Continuing to pursue her after she's firmly said No will just make you a pest. You don't want to appear desperate, but that's exactly how you will appear if you continue to pursue someone who has already turned you down. I don't foresee her changing her mind any time soon; not unless she becomes desperate for some reason and just needs someone/anyone - and you don't want to be that guy.

 

I guess I have 3 options now. A: Try to act like nothing happened and keep hanging out and being friends as usual.

B: Same as A but keep trying for something.

C: Just go somewhere else and avoid her.

I would avoid option B; continuing to pursue her will just make you a pest. She knows your feelings and she doesn't reciprocate; if she does change her mind she'll come to you. Option A could be tough, but if you really value her friendship then it's possible to remain friends. Option C is what you'll have to do if you really can't stand being around her when you can never have her - but bear in mind if you break off your friendship she'll probably assume that you were never her real friend and you just wanted to get in her pants, because once you found out that you would never get in her pants you were off like a shot. If she values you as a friend, she'll be really hurt if you break off the friendship. Believe me, I know - my best friend of three years dumped me because I didn't want to date him - I guess he didn't really care about me as a friend because he just ditched me once he found out he would never get in my pants, and I was devastated to lose my friend.

 

I'm just a little peeved I didn't start falling for her earleir on before we became good friends and could have had a chance. Got no one to blame but me.

I don't think the fact that you were friends is the issue here. There's one guy who I've known for about twelve years; he's attractive but he's always been in a relationship, and if we were both suddenly single and he asked me out I'd jump at the chance, despite having been his friend for over a decade. Friendship doesn't stop people dating; lack of attraction does.