Heartache Lives On Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 Just found this site the other day. Have been reading through some things, relating to a lot of it. It is somewhat soothing to see so many people that either have been, or currently are going through this. I was trying on wedding dresses one weekend, and less than a week later my fiancee left me (and my beautiful 6 year old daughter who adores him and considers him her dad). 2 years ago we bought a home together, last September he asked me to marry him, he made SO many promises of "forever". Our relationship had it's challenges (as they all do), but even 9 days before he left I had sent him a heartfelt email to which he responded "I too can't wait to marry you. If I am the man you want to be with forever then I have these words for you: You are a VERY important person to me. I love you. I want you. I need you. You deserve to feel safe. You deserve the love I have to give you." and it went on and on. Then he showed up at my work with a rose. But when he left he told me that apparently he had almost left 3 different times and then had convinced himself that it wasn't the right idea. This time he was sure he was not going to stay. He left, hooked up with someone else the next night, I asked him to meet me a few days later. Poured my heart out. Showed him all of the cards, letters, etc. where he had written so many promises. He agreed he wanted to try again, but that he was not going to live at home while we worked on things. Then he told me what he had done (the hook up), but still I agreed. I love him with all of my heart and soul. I went to a cottage for a week. He had told me to keep wearing my engagement ring. That he was commited. But when I got home he did not return my call for a few days. He came, saw my daughter for a few hours. After we put her to bed we talked. He said he could not do it, could not come back, ever. He said he is "changing", something inside of him is very messed up and he doesn't know what it is and he can't break down the walls he has put up. That if he came back to the relationship it would be a disaster. At first I just begged and pleaded for him to give us a chance. Said I would do anything. I refused to give up, give in. But I see now that his mind is made up, and I know the more desperate I act (but I AM desperate!) the worse it will be. So I have not contacted him since Monday. He saw my daughter again Wednesday night, but I only saw him for a second when he dropped her at home. I was polite, smiled, and handed him a few bags of his things that I said "I thought you might want." There's a lot more to this, but basically I am just blindsided and completely devastated. He is the man I want. I am left alone in OUR house (we will have to sell it and I will have to uproot my daughter and move to an apartment), sleeping in OUR bed. I have been left with the dog, our child, and all the responsibilities. It is so very painful. And it is harder because I am so very alone. I am isolated. A mom who works full time, still living in my hometown while all of my friends have moved away or we have drifted apart because our lives took very different directions. So I guess I am just reaching out for support. I am sorry I have made this so long that people probably won't want to read it!
Ronni_W Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 Hi HLO. It is an incredibly difficult time. Al I can really suggest is 'one hour at a time'. Do what you can to keep your head above water, and hang in there for your daughter's sake. As you've discovered here at LS, you're not alone -- although sometimes that is very cold comfort, I know. Sending hugs and healing.
Author Heartache Lives On Posted August 15, 2009 Author Posted August 15, 2009 Thank you Ronni. And hello to a fellow Ontarian. Is that a word?
Exit Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 Stories like yours put my situation in perspective, I feel like I'm dying over a 1.5 year relationship, when really I should be glad that she showed her true colors before we had a house and kids to worry about. You're such a strong person to even have made it this far and you will survive. Similar to what I just said, just try to be thankful that you didn't get married and have to go through a divorce, be glad he showed his true colors. What kind of person just hides their feelings, he felt like leaving 3 times before and never decided to talk to you about it, obviously he doesn't care very much, or he doesn't think you need to be involved in the decision. I don't know what else to say. ME giving YOU advice would be too ironic. I should be asking you for tips on dealing with it.
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