Dubois Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 I met a guy online and we hit it off. We went on our first date, dinner, last thursday. We then went out to dinner and a movie on Saturday. There was some email during the week and we have plans for this Saturday. He is coming over to my house to cook me dinner and then we're going to a movie. It sounds good but I said no to a kiss on the second date. I told him that I was uncomfortable kissing people I don't know very well but that I wanted to get to know him. He said he was very busy at work during the week but we managed to email at least once a day, except today, Friday. And now I'm second guessing myself. Did I scare him off? Or are things progressing well?
Starshine Black Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 First off I legitimately want to say I find the fact you won't kiss even on the second date, as very refreshing.. Seriously. I find that to be very respectful, and if I were him, I'd like you a lot more for that. Please don't ever change. In a world full of superficial easy girls worth a penny, you are a diamond. That's my 2 cents. If he ditches you for you saying that, then TRUST ME, you dodged a NUCLEAR BOMB.
stepka Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 I think a lot of men would assume that you're not really that interested if you didn't kiss on the second date. Those are the more timid ones. The faster guys would take a look at the timetable and figure you're more trouble than you're worth b/c it would take too long to get you into bed. If he still wants to go out with you, he's a keeper. If you do really like him though, you probably ought to kiss him on the third date.
Starshine Black Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 guys would take a look at the timetable and figure you're more trouble than you're worth b/c it would take too long to get you into bed. That's why I say she dodged a bomb. At the risk of sounding arrogant (oh who cares anymore) I am not lacking much physically, and so if a girl held out on me til the 2nd or 3rd date for a kiss, well, I'd probably think a hell of a lot of her. Easy girls are so tiring. I can't speak for the average caveman man, but for ones with class, we appreciate girls who show they aren't easy. No respectable man wants a girl with a lot of sexual partners.
Author Dubois Posted August 15, 2009 Author Posted August 15, 2009 I'm definitely going to, I was just freaked out that I'd ruined everything and wouldn't get a chance...even though we have a planned date, and it was his idea, even after the kissing thing. I appreciate the reassurance though. Second guessing myself...especially since Friday is date night too and I hadn't heard from him. Okay, just breath, and get ready for smoochies!
Starshine Black Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 You live in Dubois, PA? That's like an hour away! It's east of the boarder of PA/OH I think, right?
zicke Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 OK, this is what I don't get. If you don't even kiss on the second date, why do you feel it is "appropriate" to have him come over to your house and cook you dinner? Mixed messages. If you have these boundaries, keep him out of your apartment until you've dated at least 5 times. Most men think that a dinner date at home will lead to sex. Which is why a lot of them push for it early in the game. Secondly, you don't know him well enough to be alone with him IN YOUR APARTMENT.
Surfer Dude Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 If a chick refuses to kiss me on our second date, I won't bother calling her back. If that guy is anything like me and most guys out there, you blew it.
Author Dubois Posted August 15, 2009 Author Posted August 15, 2009 I live in Nevada, my username was picked because I was watching the show Medium when I had to pick one. Sorry! Oh dear, I don't want to give mixed signals. Although I am a bit mixed up. I just trying really hard to be honest. And to be perfectly honest, sex is a whole lot less intimate to me than kissing! I don't have a problem letting him into my house because although we met online, we actually have a lot of ties. He is a doctor and did his residency under my father and my father thinks very highly of him. He is also a close friend's boss. As far as I'm concerned, their good opinion from knowing him over a long period of time trumps inviting a virtual stranger over, which is what happens when you've dated someone nobody knows just a bit longer than we've been seeing each other. And then I believe him to be a very kind gentle man. Exactly what I'm looking for. And if I ruined it, well, he obviously is willing to be friends or he wouldn't be coming over to cook for me. And I would be happy to have him as a friend. So win win. Sleep, gives you perspective, thanks for all of you that were there for me last night!
BCCA Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 Here is the deal. Men dont really care all THAT much if you give them a kiss or sleep with them. Sure, we would appreciate those things, but we can deal with out them for a couple dates or whatever. What we absolutely cant stand is being told how that entire situation is going to go. First, you shouldnt even talk about your first kiss and when its going to happen, doesnt that completely ruin the magic of it? Next, I understand that you have your boundries, and while men realize that women call a lot of the shots in 'that' department, we dont like being told youre not going to get a kiss, but feel free to come to my house and cook for me. There is nothing that turns me off quicker than a girl telling me how our intimate relationship is going to go, without any input from me. I know you might not be this way, but the first thing that would pop into my head is 'controlling'.
Author Dubois Posted August 15, 2009 Author Posted August 15, 2009 Wow. Controlling. I've never been called that before. I hugged him after the second date, then I felt weird because I like him but I wasn't ready for more. So I tried to explain, so that he didn't think that I didn't like him. And I said that I wanted to keep seeing him. After that, he said that he wanted to go out again and he'd let me know when and what we'd do. I said that I'd really like to something that he liked, because the first two dates were a movie I wanted to see and a restaurant that was one that I picked. Then the next day he said he'd like to come over and cook and then take me out. What should I have done? Said no? I want to see him again. I'm excited to see him again. I was freaking out because I was afraid I ruined everything. I don't feel like I'm in control. I feel like I'm trying to be as honest as possible, no games. I've had a week to think about him and talk to him and I'm going to see him again. And then as he said, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I try hard not to be offended by anonymous message boards but geez.
D-D Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 No, you are doing fine. I have never kissed on a first date, and won't on a second date unless it feels right. Girls who want to kiss and hold hands right away come off as being too easy, which is a turn-off for me. Wait until the kiss means something. You aren't doing anything wrong in my books.
WTRanger Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 After the hug, did he try to kiss you? Or did it feel like it was going to happen? I don't think you did anything out of the ordinary. You were honest and up front with him. You told him you like him but want to take things slow. As I guy, I get that. It's easy to understand. You felt the connection but would like to take it slow. Just ease up a bit and try not to make a plan for everything. Just go with the moment when it feels right. You'll know when.
BCCA Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 I know you might not be this way, but the first thing that would pop into my head is 'controlling'. Wow. Controlling. I've never been called that before. You still havent been I dont know you or how you are, Im just saying for me, thats what would cross my mind. Maybe this guy is the total opposite. What should I have done? Said no? Said no to what, going out again? I try hard not to be offended by anonymous message boards but geez. I didnt mean any offense, and really just offered a prospective from my point of view. I didnt mean to be rude. Can I ask, how old are you?
Gemini09 Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 I met a guy online and we hit it off. We went on our first date, dinner, last thursday. We then went out to dinner and a movie on Saturday. There was some email during the week and we have plans for this Saturday. He is coming over to my house to cook me dinner and then we're going to a movie. It sounds good but I said no to a kiss on the second date. I told him that I was uncomfortable kissing people I don't know very well but that I wanted to get to know him. He said he was very busy at work during the week but we managed to email at least once a day, except today, Friday. And now I'm second guessing myself. Did I scare him off? Or are things progressing well? I don't think there is anything wrong with your decision(no kiss on second date), and he should respect this. Unless, you wait a week for a kiss, what is the big deal? If anything, this should be more appealing to him, because this shows you take things slower. Of course, some guys may simply not understand this, and if he doesn't, that is his problem. As long as you are showing you really like him otherwise, not sure why this would scare him off so quickly.
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