Gan31 Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Hey guys, well this is my situation. I was married for 3 *years 2 years together 1 year seperated.. When we were married it was me my wife and her step son from her previous marriage. This will be her second divorce, my first. My xwife told me last week that she had just got into another relationship with another man. I was bummed to here that. I dunno but I think my ex was trying to make me jealous, she was telling me how happy she was and everything about him. I really didn't wanna here about it but I told her that I was happy for her and hope that everything works out but deep down inside I was angry and bummed out. I guess my question I wanna ask is should I still make time out for my stepson? He considers me to be more of a father figure then his real dad.. His real dad dosent see him or do anything with him.. my stepson calls me daddy. I still want to see him but everytime he wants to come over he wants mommy to be with him too.. This is such a compilcated situation.. Should I see him or just let them be and move on without him in my life. I don't wanna see or make contact with my xwife I just wanna move on.. I wish this would have never happened to him. He deserves a better live after 2 failed marriages and countless relationship problems with other guys my xwife is really playing with his mind and emotions.. I really hope this next realtionship for her works out for his sake.. Any advise, thanks..
Thornton Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Will the child's mother even allow you to see him? You don't actually have any rights to insist upon seeing him, it's entirely at his mother's discretion - what happens if you continue to spend more years with this child and become more attached to him, and then she changes her mind about letting you see him? Legally you don't have a leg to stand on, and if she wants to hurt you at any point she can easily do so by refusing to allow you to see her son. I know you probably love the child, but since you don't have any legal status in his life it would be extremely difficult to enforce access, and tbh if she's in a new relationship I can't see her allowing you to continue seeing her son. So for that reason I'd suggest cutting all ties, difficult as it may be. This boy is not your son, you have no rights as a parent, and it would save you a lot of heartache and hassle to simply stop seeing him.
Author Gan31 Posted August 14, 2009 Author Posted August 14, 2009 She has no problems letting me see him but you are correct I should cut all ties.. It will be difficult but it's the best for me.. How should I go about doing this.. Should I write to her or just not even bother with it.. I'm deploying in November.. She wanted me to see him before I go...
Thornton Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 If you're leaving then that pretty much solves the problem for you. I'd suggest contacting her to explain why you feel you can no longer see the boy, and you also owe the boy himself an explanation. Make it clear to him that it's not his fault and you're still his friend if he ever chooses to contact you, but you can't be his daddy any more.
confused71 Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 Hello mate, I am in the exact same situation as you.The stepdaughters call me dad,and their real dad doesnt want to know.(more to do with the stbx I think) They still seem to want to see me.But I only seem to be called for the bad stuff like looking after them when they are sick.Then they all go off and play happy families with stbx and OM on weekends away.(had misfortune to see some photos on face book of this) So ,as heartbreaking as it is,I am having to cut off contact.As I will be shut out sooner or later anyway.
Author Gan31 Posted August 15, 2009 Author Posted August 15, 2009 How should I go about saying this to my xwife.. I dont think she would be to happy but it's the best for us.. Sometimes I think she's jealous or tries to make me jealous.. She ask me stuff like if I've got into another relationship and stuff.. To be honest I don't wanna tell her anything about her stepson.. I just wanna ignore it and cut them off.. Is that a good idea..
Thornton Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 Cutting them off doesn't seem very fair to the child. How old is he? Remember he's innocent in all this and doesn't deserve to have you just vanish on him. I think at the very least you owe the kid an explanation, a goodbye, and a promise of friendship if he ever chooses to contact you when he's older.
Author Gan31 Posted August 15, 2009 Author Posted August 15, 2009 You are right as tough as it and as much as I don't wanna see my xwife i should do the correct thing and he just turned 7 years old.. It must be hard for him.
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