wanjirum Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 For everyone who comes to this forum seeking answers, we have all read about the NC (no contact) from NC devotees. Knowing no better and being desperate we religiously attempt to follow the rules and maintain NC, whilst ironically celebrating our NC 30 day plus anniversaries on the forum. Where the love shack community gets to cheer us upon this path. But after the dust is setled and the noise and voises and traffic have all disappeared, question is what then ???? What do we do after NC, after communication is reestablished by the dumper. I would also like to emphasize that in a mature approach yes me the dumpee would hope that reconciliation would be the final outcome, however I am open minded enough to appreciate that this may never happen. But what then ??? What are the next steps to ensuring you survive the recovery period or salvage or reestablish a new relationship haven't learnt form past mistakes. What then ??? I understand there is no golden rule, or perfect template that can be superimposed into every relationship. But what should you do after? Yes I am aware the NC period is for healing, self evaluation and building a new you. I had been NC for 3 months with no hope and well we are now in talking term. However we already were in a long distance relationship and I am due to go home in two weeks. The frequency of the calls have reduced though and his tune has changed, seeing that a month ago he was making sexual innuendos (that I would shrug off) and insinuating he misses 'us'. Is there anyone out there with a success story, in which they are the dumpee and made the golden error of pleading and begging straight after the break up. However went NC as a result of the break up, but having a situation where the dumper comes back. What did you do? Bearing in mind regardless of everything I would give my past relationship a chance. Please only positive feedback, I respect and understand and appreciate the fact that out there, there might be some people who might never want nor believe in a second chance. Don't impose that opinion on me. Thank you.
bella16 Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 Yes I am one of those people who did all the wrong things..begged, cried, called and texted, and he didn't wanna hear it. Then I stopped and he ended up contacting me again. He did this twice. After the first time I should've known what TO do and what NOT to do but I did the same thing again. We got back together after he kept contacting when I stopped caring and tried to move on. I'm 23, he's 30. I love this guy so much, and we've only been together 6 months today actually. I took him back twice after he left me hearbroken...more than I've ever been in my whole life. I should've played a little hard to get, but I don't like playing games and I am so in love with him, so of course I wanted to work on things as soon as he gave me the chance. It happens a lot with people. if it hadn't happened, I wouldn't know what I know now on what it takes to make a relationship work. I was there before...it was horrible. I wish you all the best.
Author wanjirum Posted August 17, 2009 Author Posted August 17, 2009 Thank you so much for your advice. I hope you could read my other thread titled when is it okay to break NC. However I will post some details of the relationship on this page to fill you in. If you don't mind me asking how long were you apart from, before he came back. Did he date other women? Did you maintain contact ??? I am so confused ??? I should be home in a week and he hasn't called. I am so puzzled on what I should do :S. A part of me is finally thinking of letting go, however I can never bring myself to be angry with everything it was just irreconcilable differences. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t190145/ Do you think there might be chance for me and him? And what would be the good tips on how to act when I go back home? Thank you * And I keep wondering if the title of this forum is second chances, then why does everyone cheer on NC and not giving an ex a chance or giving any tips on what to do after NC ???? Why is everyone so cynical ????
boogieboy Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 Do you think there might be chance for me and him? And what would be the good tips on how to act when I go back home? And I keep wondering if the title of this forum is second chances, then why does everyone cheer on NC and not giving an ex a chance or giving any tips on what to do after NC ???? Why is everyone so cynical ???? The reason everyone is so cynical is because the people who have been here for a while have seen all the second chance stories, and they typical scenario usually turns out like this. The dumpee doesnt become a challenge towards the dumper, they get back together too fast, and it falls apart after a week or month. Old problems pop up again for a multitude of reasons: The dumper was just dumped by their new lover and is lonely, so they get back with the old lover, but they are still out of love with the old lover. The dumpee put too much pressure on the dumper and the dumper bails out. The dumpee comes off as too desperate and clingy and scares the dumper off. I cant remember the others offhand. Youre not going to get many success stories here. I looked. You can keep going back a few pages in the "second chances" forum to see if you can find one.
Author wanjirum Posted August 17, 2009 Author Posted August 17, 2009 Dear Boogieboy, At no point in my post did I say I was looking for a counselling session and hoping that we are all mature individuals we can agree to disgaree or perhaps respect someone's else's opinion without imposing your own. I understand the points you placed below why second chances never work. However if the tittle of this forum is second chances, why do the few optimistic individuals out there, get bombarded with negativity when they try to embrace a different school of thought. Bearing in mind that every relationship is different and the two characters involved are different. Therefore you cannot superimpose one scenario into another situation without understanding the background. However the points you listed below are helpful for the dumpee learning what mistakes not to make. And to look for real long term reconciliation and to avoid being used by the dumper for validation or an escape route. As such I respect and acknowledge your response and I am grateful for your advice. However I would like to state I have not left the forum running just because your answer is not what I expected, perhaps you should follow your own advice.
boogieboy Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 Dear Boogieboy, However if the tittle of this forum is second chances, why do the few optimistic individuals out there, get bombarded with negativity when they try to embrace a different school of thought. Bearing in mind that every relationship is different and the two characters involved are different. Therefore you cannot superimpose one scenario into another situation without understanding the background. As such I respect and acknowledge your response and I am grateful for your advice. However I would like to state I have not left the forum running just because your answer is not what I expected, perhaps you should follow your own advice. You asked a question about peoples negativity and why the forum works the way it does, I answered you. Its a fact answer, based on past posts in this forum. You asked for a success story, and as you can see, no one has posted. You can keep checking. Like I said before, you might have to search the archives in this forum to find one. There might be one or two.
Quest Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 Is there anyone out there with a success story, in which they are the dumpee and made the golden error of pleading and begging straight after the break up. However went NC as a result of the break up, but having a situation where the dumper comes back. What did you do? Bearing in mind regardless of everything I would give my past relationship a chance. Please only positive feedback, I respect and understand and appreciate the fact that out there, there might be some people who might never want nor believe in a second chance. Don't impose that opinion on me. Thank you. I posted a success story a while back - not mine, but a friend's. Here's the link: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2310737#post2310737
Girlygirl1977 Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 There is an adverse selection issue here too. Those who are successful tend not to come back to post as this forum will attract troubled people who are confused or unhappy or who are being ignored. If things are going well, a person is likely to come back to this forum. This is something to consider. A lot of married peope or long term relationship ppl have taken a break of some sort or other during their relationships too which implies they went back to each other. I don't think it is all rosy but misery will attract company here even moreso.
boogieboy Posted August 18, 2009 Posted August 18, 2009 There is an adverse selection issue here too. Those who are successful tend not to come back to post as this forum will attract troubled people who are confused or unhappy or who are being ignored. If things are going well, a person is likely to come back to this forum. This is something to consider. A lot of married peope or long term relationship ppl have taken a break of some sort or other during their relationships too which implies they went back to each other. I don't think it is all rosy but misery will attract company here even moreso. Thats absolutely true. Some people get back with their ex's quickly and then dont need to post anymore, and their success story goes with them.
Author wanjirum Posted August 18, 2009 Author Posted August 18, 2009 Thank you all so much for your stories and words of encouragement. Sadly I find myself on a seesaw. I just spoke to a mutual friend and he mentioned that he is very serious with his current 'girlfriend'. This really hurts and confuses me, he has already played her several times and pushed her to the curb. She was a rebound who keeps finding her way into his life, moreover she is the complete opposite of me. The irony is I keep going in between wanting him back to hating that I want him back to not wanting back. I am going home in two weeks and I am not sure. I don't think I want to see him, however I think it is inevitable seeing that we share so many mutual friends and associate within the same circles. As far as I have heard she hasn't met his mum so perhaps it isn't that serious, but his mum I think knows about her currently. I have no clue. I am also some what confused if I should text the mum in a week and wish her a happy birthday. She was so thoughtful last year on my birthday. But I am slightly weary about this thought as he might feel I am suffocating him. He has asked me to buy him some stuff when I travel (which I don't mind doing, he will recompensate me). But this might mean we might see each other. A part of me misses his friendship but the other part is confused, it would be nice to see him. What should I do when I go home to increase my chances of true reconciliation bearing in mind I am only home for a month ?????
Narf Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 I dont believe that people are being negative when they say move on... they are speaking from experience and are only trying to reduce your pain based on experience... To me that is a HELP and it shouldnt be called negative. The so called optimistic people are more negative in there responses by putting the people replying down... You come here for opinions just cause they dont match yours doesnt mean they are negative Truely finding someone that hasnt dumped you or broken your trust is an optimistic thought, thats the way i see it anyways Back to your topic... He has a g/f serious or not, put your guard up... If he is ready to move on with someone else, he isnt feeling the same as you are...Cause if you were matched you would be looking and putting effort else where too
darnay Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Okay, i'm posting this here although I have already posted it in my thread earlier, I just thought it was pertinent to the topic.. I split with my ex 12 months ago when he decided he never really loved or wanted me after 3 yrs together - which included twice taking him back. I went NC until February of this year and then stupidly, stupidly stupidly I let him back into my life. He'd been contacting me, I was lonely and vulnerable and I caved in, we met up and started chatting, texting and meeting up again. I was careful to make sure that it didn't progress any further this time than friendship, even though at times I could sense he wanted it to and even though he was sleeping around with any guy he could find.. Anyway, the last 6 months of us "trying" to be friends have, upon reflection, been the dumbest most lame ass thing I have ever done, period! Why I thought the MOST selfish man ever to walk the earth would suddenly morph into a caring friend who actually considered someone other than himself is quite beyond me.. The period we've been in contact has been a sorry tale of me trying to help him through a different failed relationship every fortnight, him making demands on me and my time, him being selfish, him being dramatic, him being a diva, and him basically not taking any notice of the money/work problems I've been having or indeed paying any attention to my life at all... As a consequence I have reached the point this week when he gave me his usual weekly - call starting with "I know I only call you when I need something but..." then asking me to sort out his business problems and whilst going on to tell me how he was now deeply in love with a new guy, more so than he has ever been in love before.. That was the breaking point, the point where I realised this man was poison and would continue to drag me down and have a negative impact on my life until I did something about it. So, once more, only this time for good I have closed the book on him, blocked his mobile number, booted him and his dodgy friends from my facebook and decided I no longer need him in my life.. He's history and the the lesson I have learned is that No Contact should NEVER EVER be broken.
Author wanjirum Posted August 24, 2009 Author Posted August 24, 2009 Hi Darnay, Thank you so much for your advice. It is sad that your ex would take advantage of you soo easily . I have been back to NC for a week now. I really miss him and get tempted to call, however I know it would be a great mistake if I do. I should be going home in a week or so. So I am sure I will bump into him, this is inevitable due to our mutual friends and we all hang out in the same locations. I decided I will text his mum in a week, just to say happy birthday, she was always nice and understanding and really went out of her way for my birthday last year. The one Q. I have is why would do ex's in particular the dumper, break NC ????? I just don't understand why you would open the path of communication then disappear. But when I do go home, I will just drop his stuff at his gate and leave it with someone, then leave it up to him to contact me. And not returning his phone calls or texts immediately. A part of me still wants him back and another part doesn't (this is a huge development). However he was my first true love and it is sad for me to admit this, but I love him too much to hate him. Sad but true. Anyone out there with input on how I should proceed from here (with the hope of winning him back).
Nuala83 Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 I had been NC for 3 months with no hope and well we are now in talking term. However we already were in a long distance relationship and I am due to go home in two weeks. The frequency of the calls have reduced though and his tune has changed, seeing that a month ago he was making sexual innuendos (that I would shrug off) and insinuating he misses 'us'. Is there anyone out there with a success story, in which they are the dumpee and made the golden error of pleading and begging straight after the break up. However went NC as a result of the break up, but having a situation where the dumper comes back. What did you do? Bearing in mind regardless of everything I would give my past relationship a chance. You say your relationship was long distance. How long distance was it exactly. Mine was long distance by which I mean he lived an hour away from me (he lives closer now). There's no way I can post my story as a success story although I would point out that I begged and pleaded like an absolute idiot and yet he's still come back (for now that is!). In fact if I had a list of what not to do after a breakup, I think I'd tick off every item on that list! I think reconciliations happen almost regardless of how each other behaved post breakup. It's more to do with wether the dumper is truly remorseful (and not just temporarily lonely) and the quality/love/friendship that existed in the relationship first time round. There's no exact science to love but reconciliations can and do happen. I know some people will disagree with that but I've seen them happen. Most of us have.
Author wanjirum Posted August 24, 2009 Author Posted August 24, 2009 Hi Nuala, In ref your Q. we are actually in different continents (but only share a 2/3 hour time differential dependent on whether it is summer or winter). I am in the UK . LOL ROFL ... I know it sounds crazy but I am still in Uni and he finished and has thus moved home. However I travel home every holiday, which makes it pretty easy to see each other. Not mentioning the long four month summer break . It is so hard to remain NC because I really miss him and our friendship, I feel like I am a walking living example of the Alicia Keys song 'falling' .... I keep flipping between wanting him to a mild anger of detesting him. And ironically a few minutes ago I was on facebook and I thought I had finally dealt with my emotions then came across a pic of him, which caught me off guard. Immediately I panicked, which is not a good sign when I meet him at home. It is strange, I wish this feeling I get in my gut will just go away. Everytime I hear about him and someone else, or anything with such relation I get a feeling in my gut (a deep ache). And I start regretting everything. It is nice to know you also broke the 'cardinal' sins of how to break up with dignity and that your situation is proving hopeful. Who knows what will happen in my case. The distance aggravated and proved futile to any hope of reconciliation at all. And it has been approximately 7 months since the break up now. But again 4 months since I last so him. I am finding it all so hard to keep NC. But it is something I know I have to do. Keep me posted with your situation, I hope it all works out for you . *
Beeotch Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 I don't really get the concept of "What to Do after NC".... NC in my mind is not a period of time or a time-out....it's not communicating with your ex....so I guess you're asking about what to do when you re-instate communication? And I suppose the simple answer is: communicate. I am not trying to be facetious at all...but that is really the answer. If you are not Not Contacting them anymore...then that means you are contacting them now. As for reconciliation.....that is a whole other issue outside of contact. That is a matter that has to be dealt with separately. Renewed communication does not mean reconciliation it just means renewed communication. You can't assume that you went through this "NC prescription" and now something magical should occur or something automatic I should say. If you want a second chance....then that is something that has to be talked about and WORKED on. So I guess the answer is that if you still want your ex then you and your ex need to talk about that. But generally there is not much to be done "after" NC....as usually it is not viewed in that way. It is not really an exile and then return to your ex. Tread lightly. Second chances are possible. Sometimes second time could be the charm. But they are also lots of work.So you need to figure out (or more importantly your ex needs to make some statement about what they want) and then communicate and discuss what went wrong, how to fix it...take it slow and do not rush to reinstate a relationship that was broken beyond repair only to end up here in a few weeks again. Goodluck!
Author wanjirum Posted August 25, 2009 Author Posted August 25, 2009 Please tell me what you think .... Well I made a big mistake (I think), so after a week and a half of NC, which I reverted back into, confused after he reinstated communication. Anyway yesterday I caved into the pressure also under the idea if he begun contact perhaps we should try out being friends and see how that goes for a while. Perhaps the re-establishment of our friendship will pave the way for our relationship ???? So I called and we had a short conversation, because he was having dinner with a relative who was flying out. But in the beginning he did mention I have been lost .... don't want to highlight this too much, but at least he realised. Perhaps he misses me ???? Then we went on chatting and he kept asking me when I am going home and he wants me to bring him something from duty free. I know I am barely scratching the surface here ... but why keep asking is it because he misses me and want to see me. Or perhaps he just wants me to bring his item from duty free. Anyway the other annoying thing is, he never called me back and it is so aggravating. Is he not maintaining contact because he can't be asked or is he just so caught up in work ??? What should I do from here?
Smung Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Please tell me what you think .... Well I made a big mistake (I think), so after a week and a half of NC, which I reverted back into, confused after he reinstated communication. Anyway yesterday I caved into the pressure also under the idea if he begun contact perhaps we should try out being friends and see how that goes for a while. Perhaps the re-establishment of our friendship will pave the way for our relationship ???? So I called and we had a short conversation, because he was having dinner with a relative who was flying out. But in the beginning he did mention I have been lost .... don't want to highlight this too much, but at least he realised. Perhaps he misses me ???? Then we went on chatting and he kept asking me when I am going home and he wants me to bring him something from duty free. I know I am barely scratching the surface here ... but why keep asking is it because he misses me and want to see me. Or perhaps he just wants me to bring his item from duty free. Anyway the other annoying thing is, he never called me back and it is so aggravating. Is he not maintaining contact because he can't be asked or is he just so caught up in work ??? What should I do from here? Wanjirum, First I want to say im sorry for all of the confusion that your ex is putting you through. It's never fun but can be an eye opening experiance. I have read your other posts and find it hard to reply as it appears your looking for only positive feedback. I'm going to provide my view and it does contain some negatives, so sorry if its not what you want to hear. I want to make sure we all understand that NC is not ment as a way to "get your lover back". Sure that can be a side effect but, NC is really a way to help YOU heal from a stressful and emotional trauma. NC allows the Dumpee to step back from a stressful situation and get a more realistic perspective of the relationship. Getting other perspectives is also the purpose of the loveshack community. People who are on this board CARE! they want to help others that find themself in the same situation that they were in. Some will have advise that you can take and other not so much! But all want to help and bring unique perspectives to relationships. As to the LOST comment in your post..... You don't give too many details so it's hard to determine what your talking about. My question is why would you equate someone telling you that you've been lost and thinking he is missing you? The Duty Free could be a ploy to see you, but if that is the case why play games? Why would he not just contact you and say lets meet up and reconnect with each other?
Author wanjirum Posted August 25, 2009 Author Posted August 25, 2009 Hi Smung, Thank you so much for your input. I think people on this forum may have misunderstood my posts. I welcome all input, positive and negative, however a lot of the times the input is slightly inclined on a more pessimistic angle. I appreciate every perspective, but I find it useful to look at it from both perspectives and then draw a conclusion. In reference to the lost comment ... that is a slang term we use back home, to indirectly say you have been out of touch or too quiet (therefore perhaps missing me). I do agree with you about the games and this is why I have decided I am just going to drop the parcel at his gate. Hence if he does want to see me, it will have to be by his own effort. I am sadened that the frequency of his calls has gone back to zero, however he always sounds happy to hear from me "c'est la vie" *sigh* Perhaps initial contact was made just to for self validation on his part or elevation or absolution from guilt ??? Who knows ??? Back to the point of NC, I do understand that the role of NC is to get yourself together and heal. However I think that dumpees go through various emotions, perhaps like a relapse when you find yourself missing that person, whilst going through NC. I would like to ratify that I have made major progress in the healing process, however it would be a lie if I said I do not care or still think about him. It has been 7 months and I still know deep in my heart I do love him too much to hate him (even though he hurt me). All the same I am now trying to pick the broken pieces and piece my life together, and move on. But do you think I made a huge error in judgment by calling him ??? And in your case do you think there might be hope for me and him? In the case of your break up, did you have a chance for reconciliation ????
Smung Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 "However I think that dumpees go through various emotions, perhaps like a relapse when you find yourself missing that person, whilst going through NC". Absolutly agree.. I went through the same roller coaster ride.. one day sad, another day angry, other days doing fine... then back to sad. It's totally normal and part of the healing process. As to reconciliation for me... No BUT, I found out after many hours feeling sorry for myself that I didn't want reconciliation. After going NC and taking some time to reconnect with MYSELF. I realized that my ex wasn't what I needed or wanted in a relationship. I did want a relationship, but it had to be with someone that wanted one with me.
Author wanjirum Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 So I went home for about two weeks. And by the first week, he seemed very interested and we met up and agreed we still really care about each other and would like to give it another chance. But we would keep this only between the two of us, because of how involving friends and family can complicate things. However from that day, he would go between hot and cold, and at times mentioning things to either make me jealous or drive a reaction from me. For example calling the girl he had a fling with after me his wifey . The two big things worth mentioning would be. One night we ended up out, he ended up getting drunk and insulting me and throwing a bill at me. Which he later apologised for. But I kept telling him he still had deeper anger or resentment towards me. Always saying snide comments to try and irritate me, which I can only figure he would do to see if I have changed, my more previous tempermental nature . The second being I had organised a picnic in the park with friends, but by the end of the night things were going great between me and him. And even agreed to give things a serious chance and he explained why he had been acting up and saying insensitive things. However right after that he ended up having an altercation with my brother. Which to be honest was probably more my brothers doing. However afterwards we all met up at a club, which he then carried on by insulting my sister. I arrived right after that, but I stupidly decided to try and talk things out with him. Sadly we ended up kissing and making out and talking about my feeling and his also. It is only till the next morning I found out how bang out of order he had been. We proceeded to talk about it over the phone and met up at the end of the night . I was supposed to fly out that night, however we agreed that his behaviour was inexcusable which he apologised for. After which we agreed we would keep working on 'us', but he then went on to suggest space on his part ??? And I was willing as long as their is an end eventuality and it was a for a short period. However I told him he can't keep me lingering in the air anymore, and close but not to close enough. Anwyay so I went home, changed my flight but the next morning he called me saying that we should just be pals, he doesn't think he is at the right point. And he still needed space to figure out why he was treating me so badly which is out of his usual persona. We were supposed to meet up later before my flight but he couldn't make it. Returning back to uni, he never called or texted, so I decided to call him. The first night he was busy at a family function. The second day he was at work. So he called back suggesting we shouldn't talk for a while, as he needs space to figure out what is going on with him and why he gets so angry around me. After which I asked him why he needs the space? Why we can't work on it together and for how long. But he was adamant and got irritated wondering why I wasn't understanding his request. But between the traffic and him driving we could hardly hold a conversation. So we ended the conversation, but he never replied to any of texts. Now this might seem like a slightly naive question but do you think he might still care and feel bad about how he treated me. Is there still a chance. I think if we were in the same country and kept our friends and family out of it (it would work out). Insight please ?? Is there a chance I can win him back if I go NC ???? I know this may seem sad but I still really care about him.
rainbowsandkittens Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 wan- i am sure you're not going to like this but the thing is- why would you want him back? why would you want a relationship with someone who is hateful towards your family? the beauty of relationships (for the most part) is they become part of your family and friends. someone who couldn't be around the people who are most important to me would not work in my life. he goes hot and cold on you, fights with your brother, says terrible things about your sister, threw something at you, blew you and your calls off repeatedly and potentially used you to get him something from duty free. i'm sorry- but you should focus on you and loving YOURSELF rather than hoping this guy (who truly does not deserve you) wants you. i know it's hard when we love someone but he's telling you everything you need to know. regardless of anything else he SAID, totally said to you, that he does not want to talk to you. i don't think NC is an option, i think it's the only option. i wish i had better news for you.
Author wanjirum Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 Hi, Thank you so much, at times the truth is the hardest pill to swallow. Even when we know it deep within. I agree NC is the only option. But I have explained a lot of negative things, but he is a nice guy. We had a very happy relationship and everyone around me loved him. I don't understand why he has changed so much and I think this is what he also wants to do. I think his rebound(s) never gave him a chance to heal and let go of the anger. It might be hard to uderstand but he is a nice guy. I agree I need to concentrate on me now. But do you think he might just be lost and needs time, I need to know if I should move on or keep holding onto some hope ???
rainbowsandkittens Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 honestly here's my take on holding on hope: in a way it can't be helped. as people this is what we do. we ache and long for the things we want that we can't have. but at the same time- it's not healthy. it keeps us clinging to something that truly, at this moment is not to be. not only is it not to be- it just ISN'T. we want to believe that the people who we love love us and will come to their senses and come back. maybe they will. but they're not here now. and waiting for them to come to their senses and come back only keeps us in limbo, keeps us from healing and moving on with our lives. this is very embarassing to say but many years ago i was in love with someone. he was my best friend for years before we got together. we dated for 6 months and then he told me he didn't love me anymore. months of limbo and trying to be friends. i finally told him i couldn't be his friend and exited his life. but i held on to hope that he would come back. i held on and i held on and boy oh boy did i hold on. for 10 years. no, i'm not kidding. i dated here and there, slept with someone or two. but i was not open to love. for 10 years. he got married, had 2 kids. i knew this but thought maybe some day, still. mortifying. i even had dreams where he broke up with his wife and came back. then i met someone and he opened my eyes. i finally snapped out of it. i began to date again. this summer, 11 years after the guy i thought would be the only person i ever loved, i met someone and fell in love again. it was not to be (and i'm still having a hard time getting over it) but i will not hold onto hope like i did the first time. i wasted 10 years of my life. now i will not waste 10 months (10 minutes, that's another story, jk). do i think this guy from this summer and i are meant to be? maybe? would i like to hold onto hope? of course. but i have my life to live like he's out there living his. i have to move on. if he comes back someday, we'll see what happens. but i can't bank on it. the only thing i know for sure is that I love me and that i want to find someone who does too and who shows me and adores me and wants to be in my life NOW not sometime in the future. which is a very long way of me saying: please, move on. for you. because honestly it's the greatest and most loving thing you can do for yourself.
cdt76 Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 I've thought about this myself. I have no direct experience with it and my ex has not contacted me, though she checks out my myspace. I wish I could tell you what to expect. I think you have to step out of yourself and look at your situation with a fresh set of eyes. Talk to friends who know you both but whom you trust completely. Trust your heart. If you are willing to risk your heart again for the glory of the ultimate relationship then do it. If you question it but still want to give it a try then go for it with hesitation. Be selfish. Protect yourself.
Recommended Posts