moredeborah Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 I love my boyfriend. This is not a thread about how to leave him. I've been with him for almost four years. The one thing that I really can't stand in ANYONE is whining and pickiness. And my boyfriend is extremely picky!! And then when it's not his way he whines. I swear at least once a day he is unhappy with something that I had to do with. When we spend the day together it's about once every hour or so. What makes this situation worse is that I am completely opposite. I am not picky about ANYTHING. I'll eat anything, I can be messy all the time... not much bothers me... except of course when people have to have it their way ALL THE EFFIN TIME... it forces me to be careful, and I don't like to waste my time on insignificances. Over the years I've tried to learn how to be patient with him... but of course it feels like I'm just a mother consoling a child. Does anyone have any experience in dealing with a picky person? How do you deal with it?
GorillaTheater Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Could you give some examples of his pickiness?
Vet Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 I love my boyfriend. This is not a thread about how to leave him. I've been with him for almost four years. The one thing that I really can't stand in ANYONE is whining and pickiness. And my boyfriend is extremely picky!! And then when it's not his way he whines. I swear at least once a day he is unhappy with something that I had to do with. When we spend the day together it's about once every hour or so. What makes this situation worse is that I am completely opposite. I am not picky about ANYTHING. I'll eat anything, I can be messy all the time... not much bothers me... except of course when people have to have it their way ALL THE EFFIN TIME... it forces me to be careful, and I don't like to waste my time on insignificances. Over the years I've tried to learn how to be patient with him... but of course it feels like I'm just a mother consoling a child. Does anyone have any experience in dealing with a picky person? How do you deal with it? He's picky about eating food or...? You'll have to expound on this.
Author moredeborah Posted August 14, 2009 Author Posted August 14, 2009 about everything it seems like. Okay I'll give you today's examples: I left the TV on in the bedroom where he was sleeping before I left for work the next morning. He's the one that left it on last night and he whines to me that it keeps him up in the morning when he's trying to sleep. I just forgot b/c I was in a rush to get to work. My paycheck at work was missing some commission. I went to payroll to get it fixed. I hadn't heard from them yet but I told him what was going on. He wants me to get a print out of how I get paid and to give it to him so he can reference it. I already do this on my own. That's how I realized it was missing $. After we said goodbye on the phone I dropped it on the table. He called me back saying not to drop the phone because it hurts his ears. Oh and he's upset because I didn't say "goodbye." This is right after he said, "I need to get off the phone right away!" He called me 3 times in the last 15 minutes at work, leaving messages about how he's upset that I'm ignoring him. I was outside talking to a client. I try not to ignore him because **** like this happens. some other examples: Driving. He tells me when to slow down to a stop when I've already got my foot on the brake. And he also whines about which way I'm going (like how there's different ways to get from point A to point B and I should be going his way, not mine). Cooking. "Why did you make fish curry? I wanted fish and salsa." And this is after I ask him what he wants to eat and he can't decide. Shopping. "But I wanted a Full Throttle, not Rockstar!" "Some places just don't carry Full Throttle." "Don't ever go to those places again." One of those places is the closest grocery store to our house. Talking. UGH! He's one of those people that say: "It's WHOMever not whoever..." He met me when I was a bit chubby. I've lost some weight from working out and he freaks out when he thinks I'm getting too skinny. I'm still 10 pounds overweight. The way you should hug him: one arm over, one arm under. I'm always a both arms under because I'm almost a foot shorter than him. One arm over is not a natural or genuine hug for me. My cellphone ring is a bit quiet. When I answer it when he's around he gets upset because "I don't know who you're talking to! Turn the ringer up!" I turn the ringer down because I work in an office and don't want to disturb others with a loud obnoxious ring.
collegekid491 Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 He's just a little misguided, I personally would make the person aware of the habit. Yes, he may feel attacked and throw up his defenses, but hes gotta know. Alot of guys will try to correct a problem or at least limit it if they care about the person. Just don't nag, he will get resentful. Or heck, if that doesn't work, could always give him a time out
Jimmy's_Brother Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 He's a pain in the a$s, but I would posit that the issue lies within your complete tolerance of this childish behavior. Why do YOU put up with this d-bag? What is it about YOU that enables such immaturity? You're in charge of your own life. You don't need to be with this guy. Even if you HAVE been for as long as you can remember.
Gemini09 Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 about everything it seems like. Okay I'll give you today's examples: He called me 3 times in the last 15 minutes at work, leaving messages about how he's upset that I'm ignoring him. I was outside talking to a client. I try not to ignore him because **** like this happens. some other examples: Driving. He tells me when to slow down to a stop when I've already got my foot on the brake. And he also whines about which way I'm going (like how there's different ways to get from point A to point B and I should be going his way, not mine). Cooking. "Why did you make fish curry? I wanted fish and salsa." And this is after I ask him what he wants to eat and he can't decide. My cellphone ring is a bit quiet. When I answer it when he's around he gets upset because "I don't know who you're talking to! Turn the ringer up!" I turn the ringer down because I work in an office and don't want to disturb others with a loud obnoxious ring . I don't think all of those examples are that big of a deal. The ones I picked out, I believe are. Calling you three times in 15 min, because he thinks you are ignoring him. I'm assuming you were at work? That's ridiculous. Telling you how to drive and what to cook? Also, he seems paranoid in the fact that he is put off because your phone ringer is turned down. He wants to know who you are talking to? UM.....he does seem a bit annoying, but just based on those incidents. I don't know everything to the story.
boogieboy Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 If it bothers you now, i will only get worse in the future. I dont think there is a way that you can learn to tolerate it. He acts like this because you let him. You have to start putting your foot down that some of this behavior isnt acceptable.
Jimmy's_Brother Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 He acts like this because you let him. This. ............
northstar1 Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Hmmm, is there any time this guy is relaxed and fun? Because from a typical day you seem to have described he sounds like sort of a killjoy.
hoping2heal Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Have you ever been unfaithful to him? Done something to break his trust?
Mary3 Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 If he is going to treat you like his mother ACT like his mother. Tell him to EAT that bowl of beets or ELSE ! When he whines in the store just say " Johnny if you don't quit whining we are going back to the car " Personally I could not STAND a whiney baby boyfriend. YUCK !
boogieboy Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 "how do you gently break up with someone???.. Thats like saying how do I gently drive a monster truck through a china/glass/crystal shop. Mary I take offence to your sig because I am a BIG fan of monster trucks and I own a glass shop.....
eiithan Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 Been there, done that. Two years of tolerating my ex's childish tantrums over that I forgot to tell "no mustard" when ordering his sandwich (and no, he did not get a violent allergic reaction by mustard). Because you love him, you're hoping that one day he will grow up into a responsible, respecting adult. Besides his pickiness, he is a great guy and all that, right? As long as you let him do this to you, that is not going to happen. It is quite possible that he is not even aware of what kind of pain he is by acting immature. Have a gentle talk over how much stress his behaviours bring upon you. Make sure to emphasise on that you need his love and understanding over these issues to maintain a healthy, lasting relationship. If he goes all defensive and refuses to see your perspective, well, it may look like a minor problem, but it might as well be telling much about how he'd handle other difficult issues that may rise from the relationship. No matter how close two individuals can be, a healthy relationship entails mutual understanding and respect. Set a firm boundary for the sake of your mental health and do not let yourself be manupulated. A significant other is to support you, not to scorn you over little things.
Mary3 Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 Mary I take offence to your sig because I am a BIG fan of monster trucks and I own a glass shop..... I actually got that quote from here....
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