Interesting outcome of NC

[Peanut9330]

I also wanted to add that 6 months back I would be wishing for this chance to see him and hold him again. Now that I’m here and I fully realize the extent of pain he caused me I just can’t do it. Part of me wants to because he was someone I truly loved with all my heart, but I know better already... It’s just a shame that the love of my life had to realize all this now when it’s all too late. I feel fine and I am very thankful that this whole incident didn’t cause me an emotional breakdown but I do feel a little sad because I truly did love him and the fact that we will never be together again hit me a little bit today, but I made up my mind I will not go through all the pain again, I will not let him treat me like that anymore. Sometimes it’s just better to move on as hard as it may be its just better!!!

[TaraMaiden]

What a shame you couldn't hold out just that little bit longer.

I'm so sorry he wore you down and weakened you.

I wish you'd come in here instead for a little bit of moral support.

Now he will think he's in with a chance.....and because you have weakened here, I have a feeling he will now resume his efforts.

 

I wouldn't be in your shoes for all the tea in China.

 

And in fact, I'd be very tempted to tell him you've changed your mind, and that you won't be meeting him.

because there is no point putting yourselves through it.

No point at all.

You sound so despondent and unhappy.

What would it improve?

Why are you meeting?

Not for your benefit. your mind's made up.

No, it's for his benefit.

And now, you have, without any doubt, renewed his hope.

He's worn you down.

 

He thinks he's done it.

He believes, I'm sure, that meeting him now will clinch it for him.

 

Oh dear, dear, dear.

[Peanut9330]

What a shame you couldn't hold out just that little bit longer.

I'm so sorry he wore you down and weakened you.

I wish you'd come in here instead for a little bit of moral support.

Now he will think he's in with a chance.....and because you have weakened here, I have a feeling he will now resume his efforts.

 

I wouldn't be in your shoes for all the tea in China.

 

And in fact, I'd be very tempted to tell him you've changed your mind, and that you won't be meeting him.

because there is no point putting yourselves through it.

No point at all.

You sound so despondent and unhappy.

What would it improve?

Why are you meeting?

Not for your benefit. your mind's made up.

No, it's for his benefit.

And now, you have, without any doubt, renewed his hope.

He's worn you down.

 

He thinks he's done it.

He believes, I'm sure, that meeting him now will clinch it for him.

 

Oh dear, dear, dear.

 

 

Thank you for that I really needed to hear something like that, your absolutely right he did break me down and I didn’t even notice. Its not a good idea to see him I agree with you all I’m going to do is open that door once again, and by answering the phone today I gave him that hope. Thank you Tara your advice is always wise and practical and to the point. I needed someone to open my eyes because I was falling for his trap again except this time I didn’t realize it.

[TaraMaiden]

So are you cancelling?

 

 

Send message to read the following:

 

"I've changed my mind.

Sunday is off.

Meeting you will resolve nothing and only prolong the agony.

Please don't contact me any more.

Get it through your head - it's over.

I will never take you back, so man up and accept it.

Live your life, because I'm living mine.

The way I want to."

[Peanut9330]

I'm doing my best to cancel I know it sound weird but I’m having a hard time pushing the send button, please someone give me a reality check, I know he's not a good partner yet somehow I find myself falling I don’t understand I thought I was very strong but somehow he weakened my defenses. Please help

[TaraMaiden]

Picture a large piece of granite.

 

Now, get some water.

Start dripping on it.

 

in 2-and-a-half million years, there will be a deep hole in the granite.

(For evidence, see 'Grand canyon').

 

He's gone at you the same way.

drip, drip, drip, drip.....

 

Now you see what he's done, now you see how he did it.

 

Steady, constant barrage, going at you, eating at you, wearing you away, wearing you down.

But no matter how gentle, how smooth, how subtle it has been....

The granite is still damaged.

 

What he's doing is weakening your defences and damaging you.

It may not feel like it.

It may feel as if giving in will not be so bad.

But he's worn a hole in your soul, hasn't he?

 

So if you let him win, there's a part of you that will never repair, because it's given in, and he's broken through your defences.

You knew at the beginning of this month, that he is a cheater.

you knew at the beginning of this month, that you could never trust him again.

you knew at the beginning of this month, that there was no way you could ever bring yourself to let him use you in such a way again.

 

Other than completely brow-beating you into submission, what has he actually done to prove he's not going to do it again?

 

Look.

I was all intent on ditching my man and going it alone.

Something happened this week to make me have second thoughts, and I've changed my mind.

But trust me on this one - I have my eyes open.

I'm taking him, warts and all, because he convinced me he wants to change.

But he warned me he could not do it over night.

25 years of conditioning and the influence of bad experiences make us both aware it's going to be a slow process, and that it may not be easy.

But he turned a corner.

And I believe he means it.

I've already seen improvement, if I could be so presumptuous to call it that.

I've made my decision, and like it or not, I'm here for the distance.

And if I'm wrong, I'm wrong.

 

But my partner never, ever cheated on me, and I know, simply because I know for sure, his integrity would never permit him to do so.

 

Your situation is different.

 

But if you take him back, do it with your eyes open.

Be awake to this fact:

He may well cheat again.

Be prepared for it.

 

Are you prepared to let it happen to you again?

 

That's what you have to ask yourself.

[Surfer Girl]

"All I am going to do is open that door again"...... What do you want to have happen? Do you want it over like you said? You seemed strong in your conviction of knowing you don't want to be in a relationship with him.... You must have your reasons.... remember that!!! By going you could be setting yourself up for more pain.... and giving him more incentive to want to change your mind.... Maybe he is thinking the presents didn't work.... but once she see's me face to face I can convince her.....

[Ray of Sunshine]

WEll if you tells him face to face to stop and he sees that you means it, maybe he will leave you alone forever. You seems to be strong,

 

Sunshine always...

[Peanut9330]

Well I decided not to see him I didn’t even tell him I’m not going to just ignored him and spent the whole day by my best friends house just in case he decided to show up. I went total NC on him again completely ignored him… He called a bunch of times left voicemails I didn’t even listen to them just deleted them. I was doing so good until he decided to push at me, I have to say NC is the best method of healing I regret that he made any approach towards me. Now my feelings are raw again and I’m hurting, not because I miss him but because I ended up reliving all that he did to me. He should of just left me alone moved on and be happy with that other girl. I was fine I moved on I wanted nothing to do with him, and now I’m having a rough night remembering all the pain he caused me. I'm sure I’ll be back to normal tomorrow just hit a little bump but still its hard. I never thought that a person who claimed to love me as much as he said he did could cause so much pain and be so heartless. WTF does he expect I’m going to go running back to him after all that, why is that he's so arrogant to think that I’ll come running back at his command? I'm mad and hurt what a rough 30 days this was but I’m glad its over just hope he moved on and will leave me alone.

[caramel c]

Well I decided not to see him I didn’t even tell him I’m not going to just ignored him and spent the whole day by my best friends house just in case he decided to show up. I went total NC on him again completely ignored him… He called a bunch of times left voicemails I didn’t even listen to them just deleted them. I was doing so good until he decided to push at me, I have to say NC is the best method of healing I regret that he made any approach towards me. Now my feelings are raw again and I’m hurting, not because I miss him but because I ended up reliving all that he did to me. He should of just left me alone moved on and be happy with that other girl. I was fine I moved on I wanted nothing to do with him, and now I’m having a rough night remembering all the pain he caused me. I'm sure I’ll be back to normal tomorrow just hit a little bump but still its hard. I never thought that a person who claimed to love me as much as he said he did could cause so much pain and be so heartless. WTF does he expect I’m going to go running back to him after all that, why is that he's so arrogant to think that I’ll come running back at his command? I'm mad and hurt what a rough 30 days this was but I’m glad its over just hope he moved on and will leave me alone.

 

Peanut I am so proud of you. I have no idea how hard that must have been to ignore him today but you came to the conclusion that the pain he caused you is not worth giving him another chance. You know what's best for you, and you just made your decision and I think it's a good one. I think this whole experience has proven to you what a strong person you are. You will be fine again soon. Hugs to you!!!

[Peanut9330]

I'm so glad that I made the decision that I did it really showed me how strong I am and that I truly moved on, he doesn’t hold that power over me and it feels good to reach this stage. I had my moments and I’m sure I’ll have a few more but I came to realize that it’s only a flashback of what our relationship use to be, and how he use to be. So far no contact from him maybe he's done with me for good, lets hope he'll give me the peace I need, and even if he tries to contact me it wont have an effect on my anymore, I just needed to get through this AND I DID….. nothing can phase me now. Thanks to all for support if anything happens I’ll post it but so far day 1 of no contact from him.

[Surfer Girl]

You should be very proud of yourself for knowing what is best for you.... Perhaps now he will realize that it is truelly over.....