Author Peanut9330 Posted August 20, 2009 Author Posted August 20, 2009 I'm in the same boat. He won't take no for an answer..... I feel your pain on that one lol, how long has he been trying to get you back for?? and do u want him back and are just making him work for it?? or are you done? cuz I’m done with my ex I don’t care what he does!
TaraMaiden Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 I feel your pain on that one lol, how long has he been trying to get you back for?? and do u want him back and are just making him work for it?? or are you done? cuz I’m done with my ex I don’t care what he does! Not wishing to Threadjack..... () have a look here.....
EmptyPromises Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 I have a couple of questions for u : how did u find out he cheated again? Did he tell u? I have a feeling the last gift he's going to propose lol..what r u gonna do if that happens? And your over him after 3 weeks of no contact?really? That's great but make sure your not lying to yourself! Don't get hurt again!
Author Peanut9330 Posted August 20, 2009 Author Posted August 20, 2009 I have a couple of questions for u : how did u find out he cheated again? Did he tell u? I have a feeling the last gift he's going to propose lol..what r u gonna do if that happens? And your over him after 3 weeks of no contact?really? That's great but make sure your not lying to yourself! Don't get hurt again! Well funny story about how I found out that he cheated again.. This was like a month ago and at that time we were trying to work things out.... I went to his house on Friday I was spending the night, well he ended up drinking a little bit too much and made a comment.. he said and I quote "You should sleep with me so I know that you really care about me" and then he proceeded to say "she did it for me Wednesday night so she must care" and that is when I decided I was done he drove me home and I went NC. I know it sounds strange that only after 3 weeks I feel great. The first week was rough but when I analyzed everything that happened I was able to let go and I don’t have any regrets. As far as him proposing I’m going to stand by me decision I don’t think he has it in him to change and I will never be able to forget what he did. I told him that I forgive him but I just can’t be with him. I'm not going to go through that again, lesson learned I know better now.
EmptyPromises Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 good for you. if i ever had solid proof my ex cheated i wouldnt be tryign to work things out right now either. i went no contact with him for 3 weeks and also was starting to feel better...and when he was trying to get in touch with me it felt great to turn him down..but im giving him another chance and no that if he hurts me this time around i was THIS close to getting over him and can def do it again
Author Peanut9330 Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 I am so sick of this man and his gifts, he just doesn’t understand that some things cant be fixed he should have thought about how much he loves me before he cheated on me, and than thought about it again when he cheated once more. He refuses to believe when I say that I cant be with him because he cheated, lied, manipulated and walked away from me when I needed him most, what could he possibly offer me at this point.... Nothing. The trust is gone and all respect I had for him is lost as well. I just keep ignoring him, he called a radio station that he knows we listen to at work and dedicated (Brad Paisley- Then) to me and said he loves me with all his heart and always will. This is just annoying me I don’t love him anymore I’m over him and he is refusing to accept that. I just hope he gets the picture soon and lets me go.
vivrantflo Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 Wow this is insane. Why pretend that you don't enjoy the attention he's giving you? He cheated on you twice, twice! And you're still accepting these gifts from him. Why can't you pick the phone up, tell him to get stuffed, and never talk to you again? And mean it! If he sends something, send it back to his address, and then he'll get the point. Don't drag this out. Im sure you'd like to "get back at him" by playing along and then breaking his heart after 30 days, but thats vindictive, and stooping to his low level. If you're really done with him, end the games, be assertive, and tell him to leave you alone. If you're firm, he'll stop. If you're thinking of taking him back (which you shouldnt)... THEN play out the 30 days, and after that go from there.
Author Peanut9330 Posted August 23, 2009 Author Posted August 23, 2009 That’s the thing I don’t like it and I don’t enjoy it and like I wrote earlier I told him that I’m not going to be able to be with him because of what he did to me. He told me lets see what happens after the 30 days and once again I told him that there is nothing he can do to save this because the trust is gone, and as for the gifts anything that I gave back he returned it back to me and said its mine to keep regardless of my decision, and at the point I told him again I already know my decision and its not going to change my mind. He's refusing to accept that he thinks that I will break down and give in after the 30 days but I wont and I warned him many times. To be honest before I use to think that if it ever came to this him showing me how much he loves me that I would enjoy it but in reality I don’t I just want him to move on but he's refusing to accept my decision.
TaraMaiden Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 You now need to go No Contact. Get rid of everything, any way you want, the moment it arrives. Don't even open it, if you don't want to, just hand it to someone else to deal with. Never contact him again, and don't even give him the attention of rejection. Ignore him totally. Remember, you need to be completely indifferent. not hateful, not pitying, not irritated, nothing. Just shrug it off, and ignore it.
luchalucha Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 in my case my wife said he wanted to to have separation of a few months or so, but her actions are way different. when i caught her cheating she said " i want a separation" so i got desperate and disconected her phone she started bitting me and acted like i was the one that messed up, my next move was to get my things out of the house, when she came back from work she told me that i was evil for doing it, next few days when i was already moved out, she started going with my driends saying that i kicked ot of the house but never told them the reason why i left, if she wanted to dump me for another guy why she wants to keep all the things that i invested money on? so thanx to you guys i learned about NC i don't know if it's working because she is trying to meet in secret with my roomate to tell him how much of an evildoer i am, next week she met with my roomate again to tell him her life i great with the new guy and bla bla bla all wonderful stuff she is experiencing, if that is the case why she goes and tell him??? i am not supossed to care but it still affects me very bad. why does she do all of this??? please help
Author Peanut9330 Posted August 24, 2009 Author Posted August 24, 2009 Its been a week since I talked to him I keep getting letters and gifts each and every day and they are laying unopened in a big box which when the 30 days is over I will send back to him. So this morning I'm parking my car about to go to work and he's standing there with flowers and tears in his eyes and I looked at him and he went to say something but started crying so hard that he couldn’t even talk. He Gave me the flowers and card, begged me to read it and he left. I felt so bad when I seen him this way, In the card he wrote “everyone makes mistakes and I'm willing to admit mine apologize for them and promise you that I will change and learn from them, Please give me a chance to show you... It's never too late for true love.” I don’t know what to do anymore he's slowly sucking me back in and in my heart I feel like he might not ever change and just hurt me again, I'm just going to have to stay strong and focus on the issues that ended our relationship.
TaraMaiden Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 This is awful, isn't it, how things like this can happen? I suspect the main reason he may be chasing you is precisely because you are a challenge to conquer. And if you give in now, at your strongest - will you ever be this strong again, in order to finish with him when and if it happens again? he had his chance, and busted it. A few tears on his part are all very well. Yes, he sounds sorry. but he'll be crowing like a rooster if you give in to him. if he's lost you, let him count the cost. The iceberg never gave the Titanic a second chance...... Just my 2 cents. But you have to evaluate this on everything you know. not by just what we're saying here.
Author Peanut9330 Posted August 24, 2009 Author Posted August 24, 2009 This is awful, isn't it, how things like this can happen? I suspect the main reason he may be chasing you is precisely because you are a challenge to conquer. And if you give in now, at your strongest - will you ever be this strong again, in order to finish with him when and if it happens again? he had his chance, and busted it. A few tears on his part are all very well. Yes, he sounds sorry. but he'll be crowing like a rooster if you give in to him. if he's lost you, let him count the cost. The iceberg never gave the Titanic a second chance...... Just my 2 cents. But you have to evaluate this on everything you know. not by just what we're saying here. I agree with you 100% he knows that a good way to manipulate me is by making me feel sorry for him, and that's why he's crying and yes I do feel bad but I know better. I know that in time he will go back to his old ways… I just don’t feel like he has it in him at this point to change. I don’t want to go through that again I know I deserve better. That's why I’m staying strong and not giving in, like they say fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me.
Girlygirl1977 Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 I agree with you 100% he knows that a good way to manipulate me is by making me feel sorry for him, and that's why he's crying and yes I do feel bad but I know better. I know that in time he will go back to his old ways… I just don’t feel like he has it in him at this point to change. I don’t want to go through that again I know I deserve better. That's why I’m staying strong and not giving in, like they say fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me. It's always good to take advice but you have the full information versus people on this forum so weigh everything. You def have a lot of hurdles to overcome if you ever tried again. The only thing I wonder is if he would consider individual counseling since what you doubt is his ability to change? If perhaps he worked on himself in that way, perhaps then you might believe it?
Author Peanut9330 Posted August 24, 2009 Author Posted August 24, 2009 It's always good to take advice but you have the full information versus people on this forum so weigh everything. You def have a lot of hurdles to overcome if you ever tried again. The only thing I wonder is if he would consider individual counseling since what you doubt is his ability to change? If perhaps he worked on himself in that way, perhaps then you might believe it? Perhaps I would have more faith and believe that he is really trying to change, I do realize that to an extent it’s wrong for me to doubt him like that but I’m going based on my experiences with him. I also realize that people are capable of changing and learning form their mistakes, my only fear is that he only wants me back because I’m gone, and once he has me where he wants me he will go back and cheat and lie to me again. He's done it many times in the past what makes this time so different. If I understood that then maybe I can work with him on this relationship, but when I asked him he didn’t know how to answer that question. I know he's trying very hard to show me that he changed but like I said I’m afraid that once he gets me back he will go back to his ways. If he would consider counseling and work out his issues I would definitely be there to support him, but at this point I know that it’s all talk.
TaraMaiden Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 Then if you know this - and you know this regardless of our input and opinion - you know what you have to do.
Author Peanut9330 Posted August 24, 2009 Author Posted August 24, 2009 Yes I know what I need to do, thank you for all your advice, its just difficult with him constantly hounding me but I'm sure that eventually he will get the point and move on, until then I'll stay strong.
Author Peanut9330 Posted August 25, 2009 Author Posted August 25, 2009 Not sure which day we're on of my 30 days of love but I hope he gets the point before the 30 days are over. Now whenever he wants to talk to me he calls my job at my direct extension or has me paged. It’s bad enough that I'm running around like a crazy person working on patients I have to deal with him as well. I just hang up when he calls but I still get paged lol its driving me nuts I think I’m going to have to call him and explain that he has to stop calling my job or is it better to keep ignoring him until he finally stops, any advice???
Surfer Girl Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 How remorseful is he? Personally, does he have an explanation why he leaves when he has you? An explanation you can live with? He wants you when he is not with you.... But will he want you when he has you? If he can not give you an explanation you can live with, don't bother.... What is he willing to do to change? Has he done the me work? or is he just in turmoil of not having you?
TaraMaiden Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Surfer Girl...good thoughts, but I think it's way past that. Peanut, can you not leave a message at the call desk/reception that you are only to be paged if the caller is a woman? If it's a guy, ask them to ask him to leave a message, you're not available right now. Don't call him. don't speak to him. It feeds his craving for your attention. If you do talk to him, it should only be to tell him that unless he quits now, because it's getting beyond a sad joke...you're getting a restriction order against him.... and hang up. Hang in there, hun.....
vivrantflo Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 I think deep down, you don't resent your ex as much as you feel you should. If you are firm enough with him, he'd stop. I can even sense in your posts that you're not 100% sure that you should walk away from him. And if I can sense it, then so can he. So naturally, he's going to do whatever he feels he should, to win you back over. You need to be honest with yourself. If you feel you want to give him a chance, then just give him a chance. If you even want time to decide if you want him back or not, then tell him. Tell him that you need to clear your head and thoughts, and need time away from him. And that his attempts at winning you over are detrimental. If you know you're done with him, then be done with him. Tell your work to screen your calls. Block his number on all your phones. And if he's still harassing you, get a restraining order. He can go away if you really want him to. But honestly... do you?
Author Peanut9330 Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 I don’t resent my ex period I forgave and let go, I don’t feel any anger or animosity towards him, I just don’t want to be with him anymore. I did leave a note at the front desk but we have such a huge rotation of people working here that sometimes they forget but they been doing good. Only let him through twice and he's called a bunch. I'm trying to avoid confrontation and drama I firmly told him there is no chance and have been doing NC since. No matter what I say or do he just keeps on pushing though.
Author Peanut9330 Posted September 4, 2009 Author Posted September 4, 2009 It’s interesting that my ex is still sending me gifts and writing letters I haven’t spoken to him at all, I just ignore him whenever he tries to contact me. I did open the letter today so I could see which day we're on and its day 21 already. only 9 more days till this crap is over because he promised that after the 30 days if I still don’t want to be with him he'll leave me alone for good and I hope that's the case, however I am a little skeptical cuz my birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks but it will be after the 30 days so I wonder how that's going to work out. Hopefully he gets the point and understands that I don’t want to be with a cheater and he can’t buy me with gifts he made the choice to cheat and I’m making the choice of not taking him back.
JP2009 Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 I absolutely envy your strong heart. My ex hasn't even tried to contact me. Yesterday I sent her an email telling her that I know she has somebody else and I'm happy for them. I told her I just want her to be happy. Today, once again, a depressing day. ugh.
Author Peanut9330 Posted September 8, 2009 Author Posted September 8, 2009 So day 30 will be this Sunday, I can’t believe how quickly time goes by. I talked to him I’m so tired of all this he was calling all morning until I finally broke down and answered. He asked to meet and promised that if I meet him and don’t want to be with him than he'll move on but he needs to see me. I agreed to see him so we can talk face to face I’m seeing him this Saturday, I'm a bit nervous about this whole situation I don’t know if I’m making the right decision by seeing him face to face but I’ll guess we'll see what happens, I just want to get this whole thing behind me.
Recommended Posts