Hedkandi Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Hi, I was wondering if anyone could give me some support/advice. Earlier this year my dad died very suddenly, then my mum became very ill. During this time, none of my friends have been supportive. They've bearly initiated any contact with me, even though I've contacted them. Two friends I even spoke to said they were 'too busy with their own problems'. It seems its like this for every friend I have now, they never seem to offer anything. I feel so alone. The only supportive person has been my boyfriend. In the past I have supported my friends, listened to their endless problems, invited them out places (which by the way was practically one sided from me!), yet nothing comes back to me. At all. Ever. Especially at a time I need it. So now I've dropped them all. I have no friends. But it makes me so sad. If it wasn't for my boyfriend, I would have gone completely down by now. Please help. I don't know what to do now.
hotgurl Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 well make new friends. Obviously the old friends were not really friends. Sometimes it can be hard. Do you have any hobbies? You could join a clib and make new friends that way.
elin Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 sorry to hear that your friends are kinda fair weathered ones. there are people out there who would not say no to benefits from other people when they have no intention of being friends in return. perhaps you have given your friendship too easily? sometimes it helps to observe before deciding who are the people who deserve your friendship and who are likely to return your friendship in kind. For example, who calls you back or celebrates the good and bad with you? Friends don't let the other person do all the calling. So in the future if there's someone who always waits for you to call, perhaps you should reconsider going all out to help them, if you want them to be the same with you. If you decide to go all out to help them, then be prepared that, based on their past behavior, they would probably not initiate their help to you. you are fortunate to have a supportive b/f. spend your energy appreciating what you have and try not to focus on those who don't seem to spend any energy focusing on you.
IngmarIared Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 If you were with your friends for a long time they might just think that your never going to see them.Tell them that you will connect them and that there with you no matter were you go.
sb129 Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 Firstly, I am really sorry to hear about your dad. I lost my dad earlier this year too, and its really tough. Having supportive people around you helps, but its not essential- if your friends are more of a drain on you then they aren't true friends. Have you thought about bereavement support groups, or support groups that may exist for families with your mothers illness? These kind of groups can be fantastic, esp as they know what you are going through.
whichwayisup Posted August 17, 2009 Posted August 17, 2009 Sorry for your loss, and I hope your mom gets better soon. Ouch, that hurts - About your friends. I completely understand how you feel. When my father died afew of (who I thought at the time) my closest friends disappeared on me. The "Call me if you need me" line was said. 2 of them didn't even check in on me. Sadly, I cut them out of my life and 5 months later, one called asking me to go to a party, didn't even ASK how I was handling things. Pissed me off and it hurt. Support groups are a good idea, online and finding a bereavement group in your community.
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