chefkevin Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Okay, she probably doesn't really hate me, but it feels like it. We've been together for three years, had some ups and downs but mostly ups. We were always very affectionate, cuddly, always sharing our feelings for each other and had very frequent sex that was so good, we couldn't help talking about it all the time. We're best friends and do almost everything together. Last month she took a month away at an ashram in France. She had only been doing yoga for less than a year. She went away for a month, I met her in Paris for a two week romantic vacation. When I we were finally reunited, she was very happy to see me, but could barely hug me, and kissed me on the cheek like an old friend. Almost right away she revealed to me that she has found a new way of life, has found her personal space (she mentioned she may not want to have sex very much), and that she was now a vegetarian. Finding her personal space also meant that she no longer could tolerate cuddling, hugging, kissing, or even snuggling in bed. she talked non stop about the ashram, the people she met there, yoga, her new way of life that she hoped I would accept and maybe even embrace. She wants to go on yoga vacations now, with or without me. When we'd take long walks around Paris and London, she'd ask me not to talk so she could meditate. She chants yoga songs whereever she goes. She acts like a missionary for her new beliefs, trying to enlighten me. I didn't take to it well and she told me I'm too close minded, and if I couldn't accept it, maybe we aren't right for each other. We argued and made up here and there, but mostly I felt totally alienated and distant from her the entire trip, and her to me. We got back a few days ago and she left right away to stay a couple states away for the week because she missed nature and wanted to meditate. Today is her birthday, and she said she wanted to spend it with her family and friends. I offered to take a train up to see her, but she said she had made plans and wouldn't break them. She invited me to dinner with her family, then said she and a girlfriend were going out after and she was going to stay the night at her friend's house. I asked to stay with me that night instead and she won't. I asked her to at least pick me up from the train station and she said no, that it's her birthday and I need to stop making everything about me. She says she still loves me and doesn't want to break up, and that she does want to see me on her birthday, but on her terms. I'm very confused and very hurt. For the first time in our relationship, I am seriously considering leaving. I don't want to do this. I wanted to propose to her in Europe, but didn't because I was so confused. She's barely the same person she was before the ashram. Does anyone else have similar xp? any advice? thoughts?
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 She's either seeing someone else or in the process of it - more than likely someone she met and shares her new belief system. I would put any amount of money on it. Your post is full of typical things that people do when they are transitioning from one person to the next. Either that or she is doing the 'long slow goodbye', putting you lower and lower down on the priority list while she makes her way away from you.
norajane Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Sounds like she's newly converted and become a zealot. You can't win this one. Just walk away, hard as it may be to do so when you remember the relationship you've had until now. But, the more you try to hold on to her, the more you'll push her away. It's time to walk away.
Thaddeus Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Sounds like she's in the early stages of being drawn into a cult. Seriously. Norajane is right. No way you can win this one. Best you can do, IMO, is to stand up to her, tell her you don't like the direction the relationship is taking and that she has a decision to make. Telling you to shuddup because she wants to meditate (on a walk!) and only allowing you to see her on her birthday on her terms (!!) are not solid foundations for a relationship. She shouldn't be expected to put up with that if the roles are reversed; therefore, you shouldn't put up with it either. I'll give it a 1-in-10 chance that you and her stay together. And if she's going to continue on her present path, you don't want her in your life anyway.
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