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[matt87]

Hi everyone,

 

How are you all?

 

Well basically im a 22 year old male student. I am a virgin. I have never been out with a female or male. I think I may be bicurious, but am not really sure. I dont have many freinds, but do know lots of associates from uni. I have also never been out drinking or clubbing.

 

Only recentley I had a collasped lung, and then after this I had vertigo on and off for over 2 years. During this I suffered a break down, and was sent for therapy. They diagnosed me with having serve depression. Since then I get my bad and good weeks. I have tryed joing clubs and have found this does not work, to meet new people. I feel worse for going out as I see everyone is happy, apart from me. I spend most of the time in my room, doing nothing. It has been like this since i was 18. Its getting to the point where I dont wanna be here and I have tryed making new freinds, but they do not want to know. I am also doing my top up degree at uni this september, but am scared of going as I know, people will not want to be freinds with me..

 

ususally a day of being me is awful.. if Its a uni day, I go to uni - do my work, come home, have abit to eat, then go to bed.. and its the same thing like that. I dont have any numbers to call if i need sumone to talk to.. if I am not at uni, then I stay in my room all on my own.. I use to cry myself to sleep and I sometime still do.. I have tryed hurting myself in the past.. but have tryed to get on with life..

 

I dont know wat to do.. I have also tryed those online dating websites, but have had bad experiences on them, such as being set up.

 

I have also been used in the past by so called freinds.

 

thanks

 

let me know wat you think

 

Matt

 

(sorry about putting this into another thread, its just I need some advice. thanks)

[Thaddeus]

OK, so we've got some background now.

 

But I don't want to make any assumptions here. What, specifically, is your question? What are you looking for advice about? Because there's a lot going on here...

[matt87]

OK, so we've got some background now.

 

But I don't want to make any assumptions here. What, specifically, is your question? What are you looking for advice about? Because there's a lot going on here...

 

Hi,

 

Thanks for replying to my wall post.. Basically I do not know what to do

[Quest]

I'm not sure what the real problem is here but it sounds like just having a few friends would be a good start to making you feel happier. Meetup (google it) have groups for just about every type of person and every type of interest, including groups for people who are shy or 'socially anxious'. Maybe that would be a way to start meeting people which wouldn't be too intimidating - at least you'd know the other people you were going to meet up with had some of the same difficulties.

I'd focus on developing friendships and some sort of social life before thinking about relationships but that's just my opinion.

[matt87]

I'm not sure what the real problem is here but it sounds like just having a few friends would be a good start to making you feel happier. Meetup (google it) have groups for just about every type of person and every type of interest, including groups for people who are shy or 'socially anxious'. Maybe that would be a way to start meeting people which wouldn't be too intimidating - at least you'd know the other people you were going to meet up with had some of the same difficulties.

I'd focus on developing friendships and some sort of social life before thinking about relationships but that's just my opinion.

 

 

Hi,

 

Thanks for the reply to my wall post. I shell try that meetup and let you know how it goes.

 

I think the real problem, is cause I was rejected by alot of people, and people use to just use me for my money and advice.. I also forgot to mention that I havent been sleeping well in years, the doctors have given me something to take, but it doesnt really help.

 

I dont really have a good relationship with my parents or brother, because they dont seem to understand.

 

I feel as if my life is pointless and a waste of time

[LisaUk]

Hi Matt

 

Are you still in therapy? Are you on medication for your depression? If you are not on meds, I would see about getting on some to start lifting your mood, so you feel more able to get out and about.

 

I can understand that if you feel depressed the last thing you feel like doing is going out with people who all seem so happy, yet this is what you need to do. The more you go to clubs through school, the more you will meet new people and the more friends you will make. The better your social life, the happier you will start to feel.

 

Is there anything in particular that you enjoy? Do you like sports or bicycling, or hiking, or crafting, or dancing, or horseback riding etc? Perhaps joining a club where you will be doing something you love to do is the best place to start. You will have a common interest with those you meet, a good starting point for friendship.

 

Also, have you seen the board on this forum called "In search of"? You could post there as well as here.

 

My heart goes out to you.

[LisaUk]

 

I think the real problem, is cause I was rejected by alot of people, and people use to just use me for my money and advice..

 

I feel as if my life is pointless and a waste of time

 

Matt, did your therapist suggest any reading about low self esteem? A book I am reading at the moment that my therapist recommended is "Overcoming Low Self Esteem" by Melaine Fennell. Perhaps this may be of help to you also as a good starting point to healing your depression in the long term?

[Quest]

Hi,

 

Thanks for the reply to my wall post. I shell try that meetup and let you know how it goes.

 

I think the real problem, is cause I was rejected by alot of people, and people use to just use me for my money and advice.. I also forgot to mention that I havent been sleeping well in years, the doctors have given me something to take, but it doesnt really help.

 

I dont really have a good relationship with my parents or brother, because they dont seem to understand.

 

I feel as if my life is pointless and a waste of time

 

Glad you're going to give meetup a go - I'm sure you'll find a group that you want to join. If you get a few good friends in your life it should matter less what your relationship is like with your family but that's something that can be worked on anyway.

 

Nobody's life is pointless - at the moment the point of yours could simply be to find some like-minded friends and offer them some support. Failing that - it's a cliche but true - there's always someone worse off than yourself ... why not do some voluntary work to help the homeless or whatever which would give your life quite a lot of point! There's bound to be an on-line directory of charities and voluntary organisations in your area looking for volunteers. Again, get googling! Good luck.

[matt87]

Hi Matt

 

Are you still in therapy? Are you on medication for your depression? If you are not on meds, I would see about getting on some to start lifting your mood, so you feel more able to get out and about.

 

I can understand that if you feel depressed the last thing you feel like doing is going out with people who all seem so happy, yet this is what you need to do. The more you go to clubs through school, the more you will meet new people and the more friends you will make. The better your social life, the happier you will start to feel.

 

Is there anything in particular that you enjoy? Do you like sports or bicycling, or hiking, or crafting, or dancing, or horseback riding etc? Perhaps joining a club where you will be doing something you love to do is the best place to start. You will have a common interest with those you meet, a good starting point for friendship.

 

Also, have you seen the board on this forum called "In search of"? You could post there as well as here.

 

My heart goes out to you.

 

 

Hi Lisa,

 

Thanks for your wall post.. How are you?

 

I shell have to check out that forum that you mentioned.

 

I agree with you on the joing clubs, and I do like cars, So I could always see if theres any local clubs for them.

 

I was in therapy last year, But im gonna go back and see if I can go back into therapy, as I do find it helps. I wasnt on any meds, but they were gonna put me on them, but I origonally said no, But I might just ask If I can go on them.

 

Thanks for your wall post, its much appreicated

[matt87]

Matt, did your therapist suggest any reading about low self esteem? A book I am reading at the moment that my therapist recommended is "Overcoming Low Self Esteem" by Melaine Fennell. Perhaps this may be of help to you also as a good starting point to healing your depression in the long term?

 

Hi again

 

I think she did mention about a book. and cheers for the book title, I shell try searching for it and see if I can get myself a copy.

 

Hope all is well

[LisaUk]

Hi Matt

 

I think going back to therapy is a great idea right now and getting some meds for the short term. They will help to lift your mood and help get you feeling a bit better, while you tackle the underlying issues in therapy. I know how tough it can be to deleve into things from your past, I too am doing this right now. In the mean time you could try a herbal antidepressant form a health food store called St.John's Wort, that helps a lot of people, you can put into your tea.

 

See if you can get a copy of the book on low SE, you might be surprised by what you read!

 

The car club sound like a great idea, maybe you could look for a banger racing club or something?

 

Your life is not pointless Matt, you are a unique and special individual just like everyone and as such you have a place and a worth on this planet. Keep posting and let us all know how you are doing.

[Quest]

Hi Matt,

 

Like Lisa, I think cars would be a good place to start ... there are a lot of car maintenance classes around, as well as clubs for people interested in vintage cars, racing etc.

 

While you're waiting to get therapy there are lots of on-line resources that are good. 'Moodgym' is free and all about helping you to change your thinking so it's more positive. That plus some medication would be a good start to lifting the depression.

[matt87]

Hi Matt

 

I think going back to therapy is a great idea right now and getting some meds for the short term. They will help to lift your mood and help get you feeling a bit better, while you tackle the underlying issues in therapy. I know how tough it can be to deleve into things from your past, I too am doing this right now. In the mean time you could try a herbal antidepressant form a health food store called St.John's Wort, that helps a lot of people, you can put into your tea.

 

See if you can get a copy of the book on low SE, you might be surprised by what you read!

 

The car club sound like a great idea, maybe you could look for a banger racing club or something?

 

Your life is not pointless Matt, you are a unique and special individual just like everyone and as such you have a place and a worth on this planet. Keep posting and let us all know how you are doing.

 

 

Hiya,

 

Hows it going?

 

Just had a talk with my parents and it did seem to help. I told them how I feel, and they seemed to be more supportive I should be going back to therapy on monday and see if I can get an appointment. Thanks for the tips for that herbal antidepressant. I shell have to see if I can get them in the stores. And hopefully I can get a copy of that book, and see if it helps

 

Yeah the banger racing club sounds a good idea.. I shell try a couple of different car clubs. I think for some of them, you have to pay, but hopefully I can get a free one.

 

Thanks for that also, I think my life isnt as pointless as what I thought. I do tend to get worked up easily.

 

Thanks for all your help and support

[matt87]

Hi Matt,

 

Like Lisa, I think cars would be a good place to start ... there are a lot of car maintenance classes around, as well as clubs for people interested in vintage cars, racing etc.

 

While you're waiting to get therapy there are lots of on-line resources that are good. 'Moodgym' is free and all about helping you to change your thinking so it's more positive. That plus some medication would be a good start to lifting the depression.

 

 

Hiya,

 

True, I also think being at a car club will get me out more and socilising.. and hopefully it should help to motivate me more, to want to do more things. thanks for the moodgym, I shell have to take along at that and read the online resources.. many thanks for your help and support

[xpaperxcutx]

I used to be like you, but I'm more opened up now. Basically, if you feel the need to lock yourself up, you have to force yourself to go out and socialize. Make new friends who share the same interests and hobbies as yourself so you can preoccupy yourself with said hobbies with others.

 

It's a commitment if you want to break out of your shell. Just take things slow but most of all do things that involve being around other people. It'll help you build more socializing and communication skills.

[matt87]

I used to be like you, but I'm more opened up now. Basically, if you feel the need to lock yourself up, you have to force yourself to go out and socialize. Make new friends who share the same interests and hobbies as yourself so you can preoccupy yourself with said hobbies with others.

 

It's a commitment if you want to break out of your shell. Just take things slow but most of all do things that involve being around other people. It'll help you build more socializing and communication skills.

 

 

Hi,

 

Thanks for the reply.. I think what you have said, is what I really need to do, to get things going for socialising.. I start back at uni at the end of september, so I willl have to socialise for that.. But am trying to join some clubs hopefully in the next couple of days or weeks.. am hoping that it goes well, and im hoping that I will get myself a life as it just feels so degrading with me feeling like this..

thanks for the help

[LisaUk]

Hi Matt

 

Pleased to hear you have spoken to your parents and that you are going to get in touch with threapy on Monday. Once you get back to uni, that will help, try and joins some clubs there as well. Will you be living in dorm? That often makes it easier to meet people also!?

[moo]

Hi Matt,

 

Sorry you are having such a rough time. I suffer from depression too. I suffer from Dysthymia, that is not a severe form, but it is chronic. When things go bad, I suffer from Double Depression, which is Major Depressive Disorder symptoms added to Dysthymia. When my boyfriend left me, I felt like my life was over. It was the worse pain imaginable. I was really, really in a bad way. I was taking a different medication that was not as effective and I was not in therapy at the time. My therapist had left.

 

I went back into therapy. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a very good type of therapy. It is more directive. You get homework assignments that help you to change the way you look at your life and the world. Our brain chemicals influence how we look at the world and ourselves, but how we look at the world and ourselves also influneces our brain chemicals.

 

Recently I got back on the medication I was on before...Lexapro.

 

I dont' have many friends at all. I am introverted and I feel misunderstood by a lot of people. What helped me a great deal was getting snail mail pen pals and email pen pals. I have pen pals from all over the world.

 

Doing volunteer work also helps as well. If you could be in enviornments where you may have contact with people, but you are not expected to be very social, it might help you...such as volunteering in a soup kitchen. You can interact with people, but it's not a social setting.

 

You can call the depression hotline. The hotline and the suicide hotline are in my signature. I hope this helps.

 

Hang in there,

 

Peace

[selena_cat]

hey Matt,welcome to LS, if you need a LS friend and support let me know and keep your chin up. many tims i feel the same way like nothings ever going to look up for me,at least in the love and friends department but Things eventually do get better,do what you need to do to make yourself feel better,if its traveling or a change of scenery or reading inspirational books,I find that helps alot

[matt87]

Hi Matt

 

Pleased to hear you have spoken to your parents and that you are going to get in touch with threapy on Monday. Once you get back to uni, that will help, try and joins some clubs there as well. Will you be living in dorm? That often makes it easier to meet people also!?

 

Hi Lisa,

 

How are you? Hope all is well.

 

I have sorted out the therapy, so am just waiting to go back and see them ( as there like a waiting list ).

 

With Uni, I should be living at Home, but I got a idea of joining a couple of clubs there, which may help me to meet new people. I think you are right though, cause once am back at uni I should be keeping myself busy, and hopefully making new freinds, which I can see outside of uni

[matt87]

Hi Matt,

 

Sorry you are having such a rough time. I suffer from depression too. I suffer from Dysthymia, that is not a severe form, but it is chronic. When things go bad, I suffer from Double Depression, which is Major Depressive Disorder symptoms added to Dysthymia. When my boyfriend left me, I felt like my life was over. It was the worse pain imaginable. I was really, really in a bad way. I was taking a different medication that was not as effective and I was not in therapy at the time. My therapist had left.

 

I went back into therapy. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a very good type of therapy. It is more directive. You get homework assignments that help you to change the way you look at your life and the world. Our brain chemicals influence how we look at the world and ourselves, but how we look at the world and ourselves also influneces our brain chemicals.

 

Recently I got back on the medication I was on before...Lexapro.

 

I dont' have many friends at all. I am introverted and I feel misunderstood by a lot of people. What helped me a great deal was getting snail mail pen pals and email pen pals. I have pen pals from all over the world.

 

Doing volunteer work also helps as well. If you could be in enviornments where you may have contact with people, but you are not expected to be very social, it might help you...such as volunteering in a soup kitchen. You can interact with people, but it's not a social setting.

 

You can call the depression hotline. The hotline and the suicide hotline are in my signature. I hope this helps.

 

Hang in there,

 

Peace

 

Hiya,

 

Thanks for your reply to my wall post. I hope you are well.

 

Sorry to hear that you have had depression, I hope everything is all well with you now.

 

Thanks for all the advice you have given me, as it has been very heplful and useful

[matt87]

hey Matt,welcome to LS, if you need a LS friend and support let me know and keep your chin up. many tims i feel the same way like nothings ever going to look up for me,at least in the love and friends department but Things eventually do get better,do what you need to do to make yourself feel better,if its traveling or a change of scenery or reading inspirational books,I find that helps alot

 

Heya,

 

How are you? Hope all is well.

 

Thanks for the help and support, its much appreicated

 

I think the inspirational book reading is another choice that I may take. Might get some book i have never finishd, plus hopefully they will help to motivate me too.

 

Your right though, things do get better in life

[moo]

You are welcome. Thank you for your kind emails. Just keep hanging in there.

[matt87]

You are welcome. Thank you for your kind emails. Just keep hanging in there.

 

Thanks : )

[Leveller]

Matt, as someone who works in the university system there are support networks which can help. You should have a personal tutor who might be a port of call. Personally, and from experience, if you are in halls you might want to approach your hall tutor or you might prefer to speak to a councillor on campus. It is confidential and they are kind and helpful people. Let me know if you need further advice. IME many have gone through what you are going through, but you do emerge out of the other side.