If you could cheat and be sure of getting away with it...

[RA1]

If you could cheat and felt there was NO possibility of detection (absolutely none), while giving a lot of pleasure to you and the other man/woman in the affair, would you do it?

[Thaddeus]

Crap no. She may never, ever find out, but I'd know, and all I'd be able to see looking back at myself in the mirror would be a manipulative cheater.

 

It's got precious little to do with partner, and everything to do with how I view myself. A few minutes worth of nookie isn't worth an entire lifetime of self-recrimination and bad feelings. No chance.

[freestyle]

what he said.

[freestyle]

I was referring to Thaddeus`s post. It was very succinct, and right on the mark.

[2sure]

No Way.

 

Ive done a lot of things I regret. Things I cannot take back or fix. I tell you, it can be difficult to come to terms and forgive yourself more than someone else. So, I dont plan on adding more guilt to my conscience. And I just couldnt ever do that to him. Besides, the thought of another man touching me creeps me out.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I used to do it all the time. Ultimately it isn't worth it. Trust me on this one.

[boldjack]

Not ever again!!!!

[stace79]

No, I wouldn't do it -- if I wanted to be with someone else so badly, that's a sign I shouldn't be in the relationship I'm in. Someone posted on here a long time ago that your SO should be your "dream girl/guy" and that shouldn't leave much room for lustful thoughts of another.

 

And I second what someone else said about having to look yourself in the mirror every day knowing you're a liar, manipulator and cheater.

[Lizzie60]

I am certain that 99.9% of ALL men would..

 

Those who say they would NEVER ever cheat... are either single, have already cheated.. or are still in the 'honeymoon' phase..

[Trimmer]

No.

 

"Getting caught" is not the primary obstacle to my cheating, so even if you completely remove it, that doesn't change my feelings about cheating, my philosophy about relationships, or my standards for myself.

[AAlike]

I have never cheated, however, I would venture to guess that the knowledge that one couldn't get caught would not only not increase the number of cheaters, I actually think that it would reduce them.

 

Cheating is rarely about the sex unless the couple was not mature enough for a relationship in the first place (in which case it probably would have self-destructed anyway). Usually, cheating occurs when someone feels trapped, cornered, underappreciated, unloved, dominated, etc. etc. within a relationship - and cheating becomes their way of "lashing out" and getting a twisted sense of empowerment. Oddly enough, I would think that if you took away the chance of getting caught, you take away the thrill and the empowerment as well - and you reduce it to a free pass to try and get laid elsewhere. big deal - we all had that when we were single!

 

I could be wrong - just a theory...

[AAlike]

I am certain that 99.9% of ALL men would..

 

Those who say they would NEVER ever cheat... are either single, have already cheated.. or are still in the 'honeymoon' phase..

 

I've seen you say this multiple times and i'm not entirely sure what you mean by it...can you elaborate?

 

I'm guessing that you mean either:

 

1) If you took the sexual exclusivity component out of what constitutes a marriage and/or relationship that the overwhelming majority of men would pursue other sexual partners, while a much smaller percentage of women would do so. Although I think that your number of 99.9% might be a little high, I agree with your underlying point if this is what you mean.

 

2) All men would have no problem violating their partner's trust and the principles of their relationship and the only reason that they are not doing so now is for fear of getting caught. this is ridiculous if that is what you're talking about.

 

I believe that the OP's question was more along the lines of point #2.

[Teslacoil]

I am certain that 99.9% of ALL men would..

 

Those who say they would NEVER ever cheat... are either single, have already cheated.. or are still in the 'honeymoon' phase..

 

Wow give us men a little more credit would you?

 

First, I wouldn't cheat because I LOVE my girlfriend, and sex with her is 1000% better because of the emotional connection we have than anything I could have with anyone else.

 

Secondly, what Thaddeus said. Even if I'd never get caught, I wouldn't want to live with the guilt for the rest of my life.

 

Thirdly, what 2Sure said. Being with another woman would creep me out.

[Lizzie60]

OK.. OK.. maybe my number is a bit high.. how about 99.5%

 

and I should add another category of men who would say they wouldn't cheat.. the young guys.. in their 20s... you're way too young to know if you're going to cheat or not.. wait till you live with the same person 10+ years.. and see if you'll have the same argument..

 

I don't believe that MOST if not ALL men wouldn't cheat.. given the opportunity and knowing that they would NEVER get caught..

[Trimmer]

OK.. OK.. maybe my number is a bit high.. how about 99.5%

I just take this statement as being more about you and your outlook than about 99.X% of men.

 

...and I should add another category of men who would say they wouldn't cheat.. the young guys.. in their 20s... you're way too young to know if you're going to cheat or not.. wait till you live with the same person 10+ years.. and see if you'll have the same argument..

I did, throughout my 18 years (13 married) with my wife, and my opinion never changed, even while we were breaking up and going through a divorce (and therefore, certainly not in the 'honeymoon' phase.) So then, I suppose the only of your 'categories' that is left for me is the other one one you forgot to mention:

 

MOST if not ALL men cheat.. those who don't.. methink they just can't.. (they are either impotent or too ugly to find a decent woman)...

Ahh, then. That must be where I fit in. Good to know my place in Lizzie's worldview.

 

I don't believe that MOST if not ALL men wouldn't cheat.. given the opportunity and knowing that they would NEVER get caught..

Ackkkk! That's like a triple negative! (or at least 2-1/2) My head just exploded!

 

Incidentally, isn't one of your supporting comments usually something about how a man can't ever be certain until he is actually faced with the experience itself? Well, isn't it fallacious to presume that you can be so "certain" what 99% of men WOULD do, when you have never been even a single one yourself?

[Lizzie60]

Ahh, then. That must be where I fit in. Good to know my place in Lizzie's worldview.

 

 

I forgot about this one.. you had to dig in old posts to get this one.. thank you for adding it.. that's another category for sure..

[Trimmer]

I don't believe that MOST if not ALL men wouldn't cheat.. given the opportunity and knowing that they would NEVER get caught..

 

Actually, perhaps this deserves serious commentary, and maybe it's here that we can find some common ground...

 

There's a huge gap between "most if not all WOULD" (which you believe, at the 99%+ level) and "most if not all WOULDN'T" (which let's flip around and say is somewhere in the low single digits level.)

 

Well, the latter is clearly agreeable, as any credible measure shows that the number of men who DO cheat is somewhere in the middle - 35-65%; I won't claim the exact number, but it's way higher than 10% and lower than 90%, yeah?

 

So I think the remaining question comes down to exactly the topic of this thread: of those remaining men who don't or haven't cheated, is "Getting caught" the only obstacle for virtually all of them? That would have to be the case in order for your "99.X% WOULD cheat if they could" statement.

 

So maybe that's the only place we disagree: I think you are saying that "getting caught" is the only remaining obstacle for essentially all other men who haven't cheated yet, and I say that there are other obstacles that prevent a significant number of those men from cheating (more that 0.1%), even if "getting caught" were removed.

[Teslacoil]

Of all of my friends that I know who have cheated, more of them are women than men. Not a reliable statistical source of course, but it's food for thought.

[Thaddeus]

I don't believe that MOST if not ALL men wouldn't cheat.. given the opportunity and knowing that they would NEVER get caught..

Well, all I can do personally is speak as a man who has had the opportunity but never acted upon it. And a man whose now-ex DID have the opportunity AND acted on it and completely gutted me.

 

I'm about as libertarian as they come - hey, do whatever you want as long as you don't damage someone else - and my choice isn't based in any sense of morality or religious conviction or anything else. It's purely self-preservation. I simply could not look myself in the mirror and feel confident and good about the man that was staring back at me.

[DSM2709]

Ask my ex, I'm sure she'll say yes....oh wait she already has...oopppss!!

[Trimmer]

And I realize that the premise of how many "WOULD cheat if..." can never be tested, so we will never resolve it. And even stepping up to witness and saying "I would never cheat" is arguable along the lines of "you'll never know until you're there..."

 

However, I'm not 24, and I've been through a marriage, affairs by my wife, a divorce, and frankly, at least one clear-cut wide-open opportunity to cheat and never be found out, and my stance has not wavered. And I don't believe I'm 0.1% remarkable in that regard.

[Thaddeus]

Of all of my friends that I know who have cheated, more of them are women than men. Not a reliable statistical source of course, but it's food for thought.

Stats are all over the place on that. Some stats suggest that more men than women cheat, others suggest the opposite. But, statistically speaking, it's not possible for there to be a significant gap between the two numbers. Could be that men over-report and women under-report, or it could be the opposite.

 

But for every cheater, there's someone that he's/she's cheating with.

[AAlike]

OK.. OK.. maybe my number is a bit high.. how about 99.5%

 

and I should add another category of men who would say they wouldn't cheat.. the young guys.. in their 20s... you're way too young to know if you're going to cheat or not.. wait till you live with the same person 10+ years.. and see if you'll have the same argument..

 

I don't believe that MOST if not ALL men wouldn't cheat.. given the opportunity and knowing that they would NEVER get caught..

 

ok, since you just restated exactly what you said earlier, I'm just going to assume that you are trying to get a rise out of people.

[Trimmer]

Stats are all over the place on that. Some stats suggest that more men than women cheat, others suggest the opposite. But, statistically speaking, it's not possible for there to be a significant gap between the two numbers. Could be that men over-report and women under-report, or it could be the opposite.

 

But for every cheater, there's someone that he's/she's cheating with.

While my opinion is that I generally agree with your premise (it's probably about in the middle...) technically, I want to point out that from a statistical point of view, a gap of reasonable size could easily exist, from sources like one gender having a tendency to cheat more with single affair partners while the other tends to cheat more wtih married affair partners. Example: take a closed population of 10 each married men, married women, single men, and single women. 5 men cheat with 3 of the married women and 2 singles. Thus, you have 50% cheating among the married men, and 30% cheating among the married women.

 

It could also be skewed if one gender had a tendency toward a higher number of affairs than the other. Same example: the 5 men each cheating with 2 women in non-intersecting groups, maybe 6 of the marrieds and 4 of the singles, to keep the proportions the same among the females. In this case, the same 50% of married men are cheating, but now 60% of married women... The numbers can slide significantly under the influence of these gender differences.

 

So unless you assume that there are NO gender-dependent behaviors between men and women (along the lines of cheating with single vs. married partners and number of partners cheated with...), a statistical gap can definitely exist in proportion to the strengths of those differences, and whether their effects add or subtract.

 

Nonetheless, I bet it does sorta, kinda average out somewhere in the middle...

[Hkizzle]

If you could cheat and felt there was NO possibility of detection (absolutely none), while giving a lot of pleasure to you and the other man/woman in the affair, would you do it?

 

This is why cheaters cheat in the first place. They don't do it thinking their partner's sitting on their other leg.