redhighheels Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 There are a lot of situations that women can find themselves in, ranging from being groped/touched by some idiot in a bar to rape. How many of you ladies feel that, when push comes to shove, the man needs to step up and protect you? Men - your opinions on the subject are equally welcomed!
clv0116 Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 We're not cavemen. The dangers we really face from day to day ARE primarily the mans job to protect against but it's not about keeping literal wolves out of the hut any more.
HeadlessZebra Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 There are a lot of situations that women can find themselves in, ranging from being groped/touched by some idiot in a bar to rape. How many of you ladies feel that, when push comes to shove, the man needs to step up and protect you? Men - your opinions on the subject are equally welcomed! Um, I *have* dated guys who, in the words of CaliGuy, couldn't fight their way out of a wet paper bag. But is it my preference? No frickin way. In the city where I live, rape/mugging/violence is a real and present danger. It's one of the most crime-ridden cities in the U.S. I definitely look for a protector in a mate.
Woggle Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Wasn't just a few years ago that women were shouting about how strong they were and didn't need a man to protect them? Of course if push came to shove I will protect anybody I love but I am not fighting just to impress a woman. I am not one of these men who fights while a woman gets off on two men going at it over her. I had more than my fair share of brawls with men but I am done with that chapter in my life and never want to back there.
espec10001 Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 First, the woman has to prove that she is loyal. If she does prove she is loyal, then you are damn well sure that a guy should **** up any dude that touches her because it is the same as them pushing you.
Stitch Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 I wish I could say I was a strong girl, but sadly I am 5'1 and tiny. I work in a Primary/Elementary school and there are 10 year old boys bigger and stronger than me. So I definitely look for strength and protectiveness in a partner. Verbally speaking, I can handle myself. I'd hate for my boyfriend to step in during situation's that I could deal with myself, but as for situations where the other person is aggressive or if I was genuinely in danger I would very much appreciate his help and support. I'd do the same for him, although I doubt I'd be a great of help, and I may make the situation worse. Still for all that its worth, I've got his back. Would I date a man who couldn't defend me in a fight. Maybe, but I'd very much prefer if he was able too.
Lizzie60 Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Wow... why would you expect your partner to 'defend' you... I mean.. if it's verbal abuse.. I can defend myself.. thank you.. if it's physical abuse.. I'd press charges.. but if it's 'out of nowhere' attack.. then yes I would expect him to help me... as I would for him...
2sure Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Certainly my H would & could defend me in a physical altercation. But I should make note that my need to have a guy that could win fights around decreased dramatically when I quit doing coke.
carhill Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Yeah, I was thinking of the Nicki Parsons/Jason Bourne dynamic, where he tracked and engaged Desh to protect her and, when they engaged and she saw Desh with the apparent upper hand, she went after him, even though obviously mismatched. Teamwork. Obviously, a movie, but a good depiction of what I would perceive in real life to necessitate physical violence to neutralize a threat. Everything else can be talked out or handled by a cop, IMO.
sally4sara Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 A guy tried to mug me a few months after I moved to the DC metro area. Notice I said tried? I handled it. A guy tried to rape me about about 14 years ago. Again, TRIED, but we did make such a ruckus that after I already had him bleeding and backing off, a guy and two girls came to see what was going on. Another guy tried to do the same about 3 years before that. I was a bloodier mess than I made him, but I did fight him off and got away to report him. I'm sure most of the guys I've dated would have come to my defense in those situations, but they were not around at the time. I can't really think of any guy I dated that couldn't have come to my defense, but then, I prefer to date within my peer group. Since I can come to my own defense, a peer would be someone who could at least help me.
curiousnycgirl Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 More important to me is that he should want to protect/defend me. Physical strength is less important to me than intent/desire. And I agree with Lizzie on this one.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Any guy I'm with knows that I can well and good protect myself so I don't ever expect a guy to defend me. Fight by my side, yes. Protect and defend? Not necessary. If he runs away like a coward, then it would be over. Period.
CaliGuy Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 All I have to say is this: If I was with the one I love and someone tried to hurt her, my adrenaline would be through the roof and whoever is on the receiving end...well, I hope they have a good medical plan. They won't be leaving the hospital for some time....
Ruby Slippers Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 I would defend the man I love against any threat, and I would hope that he would do the same for me. In fact, I did leave a man for not defending me -- from his crazy, codependent brother who called me up when my bf was at work and told me I didn't belong in the family because I was "too independent" (= wouldn't let him or other family members control me or interfere in our lives). My bf's response was to go over to his house to try to talk some sense into him, rather than stand his ground by my side and stick up for me. I stuck up for myself just fine, but in a situation like that, you need solidarity. It took days for him to tell his brother he was way out of line and actually defend me. His wimpy, delayed reaction made me lose my respect and faith in him.
Citizen Drawn Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Watch out for the overconfident guy that reckons he can defend himself in any situation - he's the one that will most likely get himself shot/stabbed. It's a bit like expecting a guy to stand in your way if you're about to get knocked down by a bus.
carhill Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 IME, the guys (and gals) with the training to kill have the best psychological tools to manage threat situations and diffuse them. I've learned a lot from them about threat assessment. IMO, it's about everyone exiting safely and alive, not about 'winning', if at all possible.
Citizen Drawn Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 I agree about diffusing. You are going to stand in the way if your woman is being attacked, no doubts about it, but whether it's going to do any good depends on how many there are, how determined they are and what they're carrying. On the flipside from working in a bar there are women that deliberately choose large aggressive men so that they can cause some kind of trouble. Would any man want to date a woman that runs her mouth off in any situation and expects her man to stand in to defend her?
Trialbyfire Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 There are a lot of situations that women can find themselves in, ranging from being groped/touched by some idiot in a bar to rape. How many of you ladies feel that, when push comes to shove, the man needs to step up and protect you?Yes, my man needs to step up and protect me. I can pretty much take care of myself in almost any situation. And yet, this is primal for me. If he doesn't make the attempt or have the primal desire to protect, I lose complete respect for him.
clv0116 Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Watch out for the overconfident guy that reckons he can defend himself in any situation - he's the one that will most likely get himself shot/stabbed. It's a bit like expecting a guy to stand in your way if you're about to get knocked down by a bus. The best way a man can protect his family is by making sure he guides them away from danger before it escalates and by providing well enough to allow them to live in a safe place. Of course in the end any decent guy will fight or do whatever it takes to defend his family but these dorks that think that means becoming a martial arts master are idiots who more than likely will lead their SO into danger rather than out of it.
carhill Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 TBF, IMO, that's completely normal and healthy. That said, you also want him to exit the situation alive, so it's a good idea to pick a 'protector' who manages stressful situations and threats with a calm head. Like you often speak of your BF, one who 'de-escalates'. I think that's a good word
Citizen Drawn Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 The best way a man can protect his family is by making sure he guides them away from danger before it escalates and by providing well enough to allow them to live in a safe place. Of course in the end any decent guy will fight or do whatever it takes to defend his family but these dorks that think that means becoming a martial arts master are idiots who more than likely will lead their SO into danger rather than out of it. Couldn't agree more - take them to classy places, keep them away from danger. Some people don't understand that escalating things often leads to a less desirable outcome than walking away from the trouble. And like you said, pretty much any guy will do what it takes.
carhill Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 The best way a man can protect his family is by making sure he guides them away from danger before it escalates and by providing well enough to allow them to live in a safe place. This brings me to a phrase my wife hated, 'situational awareness'; a combination of cognition and instinct which identifies potential threats and dangers before they become active and imminent. IMO, it's much better to avoid than confront, if at all possible, when it comes to threats/dangers. Humans can be unpredictable beasts
clv0116 Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 This brings me to a phrase my wife hated, 'situational awareness'; a combination of cognition and instinct which identifies potential threats and dangers before they become active and imminent. IMO, it's much better to avoid than confront, if at all possible, when it comes to threats/dangers. Humans can be unpredictable beasts When people start to talk self defense that's the first thing I point out, precisely that term.
Bayern Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 All I have to say is this: If I was with the one I love and someone tried to hurt her, my adrenaline would be through the roof and whoever is on the receiving end...well, I hope they have a good medical plan. They won't be leaving the hospital for some time.... Same. I get more angry and more adrenaline when someone I love is attacked than if I was.
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