Author 2sunny Posted August 15, 2009 Author Posted August 15, 2009 Sunny, let's say he wasn't married... would you be comfortable with all his traveling? yes, definitely. i don't like a man that gets demanding about needing all my time and attention. i like my life - just really want to spend time with a man and still have plenty of room for the rest of my interests that i have... friends, family, work, hobbies. i don't need a man to be everything for me - just an added bonus.
Author 2sunny Posted August 15, 2009 Author Posted August 15, 2009 does his most recent email seem evasive to anyone else?
dreamergrl Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 yes, definitely. i don't like a man that gets demanding about needing all my time and attention. i like my life - just really want to spend time with a man and still have plenty of room for the rest of my interests that i have... friends, family, work, hobbies. i don't need a man to be everything for me - just an added bonus. I was only curious that perhaps the constant traveling may have set off some alarms. does his most recent email seem evasive to anyone else? Honestly yes. But with the added factor of his traveling a lot. How would you feel about the email if he wasn't traveling so much?
Author 2sunny Posted August 15, 2009 Author Posted August 15, 2009 I was only curious that perhaps the constant traveling may have set off some alarms. Honestly yes. But with the added factor of his traveling a lot. How would you feel about the email if he wasn't traveling so much? it would still hit me the same way. when things don't add up - or a person isn't totally forthcoming - it sends up a red flag for me that is as good as calling the guy a liar. a LOT of words to say something simple always makes me suspicious too. men aren't generally so chatty when asked a simple question.
dreamergrl Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 it would still hit me the same way. when things don't add up - or a person isn't totally forthcoming - it sends up a red flag for me that is as good as calling the guy a liar. a LOT of words to say something simple always makes me suspicious too. men aren't generally so chatty when asked a simple question. Understandable. So what are ya gonna tell him next?
Lyssa Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 His email sounds evasive. I don't get the "both of us" - that's alarming. Maybe I am not thinking outside the box here.
Trialbyfire Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 2sunny, whether he's telling the truth or not, doesn't matter. If you don't trust him, it's not worth the hassle, since you've just started to date.
dreamergrl Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 2sunny, whether he's telling the truth or not, doesn't matter. If you don't trust him, it's not worth the hassle, since you've just started to date. If only I had listen to this advice from TBF so many times
Trialbyfire Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 If only I had listen to this advice from TBF so many times Thanks but that's something I think each of us has to learn the hard way. We learn to trust our gut instinct by realizing that most often, it was right, whether the guy was cheating or that he wasn't all in, still on the prowl.
Author 2sunny Posted August 15, 2009 Author Posted August 15, 2009 ok - i had a thought - i searched his email address in myspace and facebook... not a thing. grrrrr seems odd he wouldn't have a facebook account if he's far away and wanted to keep up with friends back in his home state. it's not his main email - is what it tells me... it's a ymail.com account - is that something new comparable to yahoo?
itisjccole Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 "Is dating him worth wondering if he's married?" - if u are ready to fall in love, fall for the person who is ready, marries or not married as long as he is ready to fall for you to, and stand to it.
Lyssa Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 "Is dating him worth wondering if he's married?" - if u are ready to fall in love, fall for the person who is ready, marries or not married as long as he is ready to fall for you to, and stand to it. Even if he's married, one should go ahead with it? Really?
zicke Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 Ask him for his last name. If he hesitates, or asks why, he's married. Ask him where he works. In this day and age, it's best to get the details before you meet someone. If your gut is saying he's married, he's married. I dated a guy last year that my gut was SCREAMING he had a "steady" girlfriend. And it turns out he did, but would swear up and down that he didn't. Trust your gut. Also, his age thing on his profile, he most likely put a different and much younger age in because I guarantee he's hiding from someone. My guy had his profile "hidden". Not only that, he lied to you! He lied about his age. Did he give an explanation as to WHY he needed to put his age down as significantly younger? What purpose did/does it serve. I just have to add that it is my opinion and many others that online dating is a refuge for married or otherwise taken men. I don't think, when I tried online dating last year that ONE guy I met was actually truly single. Good Luck.
Thornton Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 Seeing as it's so early in the relationship, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and wait to see how things work out, while still continuing to explore other opportunities. If you actually get involved in a relationship, then the question of whether he's married becomes more serious; at that point you would have to question him further, or look up his divorce papers, or do a bit of snooping. But at this stage of your relationship I wouldn't even bother. If however you do end up in a serious relationship, go with your gut and do a bit of investigating.
Author 2sunny Posted August 15, 2009 Author Posted August 15, 2009 i just think it's odd. yep, the lie about the age - i don't like that a bit. when i asked him, he said it's because all the women his age act so old. but he stated he put age 45 down and then told me he was 50 - then said he got married late - 31 - was married about 16 years and has been divorced for 7... hmmmm, you do the math. if he was in new york last weekend - only for the weekend - and is now there for two weeks for business - and to see his parents - it makes me think he at least has a girlfriend or a wife there... hence the - both of us - comment would then make sense. it would also make more sense if he was traveling to see his kids - but no, he said he only sees them once a month. what kind of father sees his parents more than his kids? who knows? maybe he's not in new york at all...
bede86 Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 all that travelling, new york, chicago...he travels all around the country for one weekend? i actually am thinking hes a hitman or government agent....hey if hes a mob hitman then hes probably got a few women in each city...or he just really might have allot of baggage is a little self conscience issues, feeling loney and wanting to meet someone new and hes a little rusty at it from being married all those years...go on a date ask him the questions in conversation and then decide.
westrock Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 Just straight up ask him for more information. Tell him you would like to know more about him. Just say that you would like more information from him including his full name, his main email address, his living address, what exactly he does for a living, his work phone#, and the particulars of his divorce (date and where it was finalized). If he skirts around giving out this information, then he's hiding something. Also, most 50 year olds don't have facebook or myspace so don't read too much into not being able to find him there. You might want to just do a Google search of whatever information you have so far about him.
Author 2sunny Posted August 23, 2009 Author Posted August 23, 2009 i sent an email to him. it stated that my gut was telling me that he's either married or taken... and since i have no proof that he's single - i have to listen to my gut. thursday - after being gone almost two weeks and knowing he would return sat (yesterday) he sent an email saying that he had been busy visiting with his parents who are getting older and a few friends while he was there for work. mainly that he'd been so busy busy busy. well, i have no idea what this guy has going on but i do know that a number of things don't add up. he lives on the west coast and has stayed in a hotel for the past 9 months his xW and kids live in Chicago and he says he visits them once a month i met him 2-1/2 weeks ago and he has visited his parents in NY twice since he told me he never takes his phone with him when he's out socially - could it be to avoid any other personal calls while he's with a gal? what guy visits his parents more than his kids? is he really with his parents? i'm tired of wondering and it's easier to not have to wonder - so i sent him the email today. i fully expect him not to respond.
Lucky_One Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 I am not very, very tech-y, so this might not work; maybe some tech-y person can weigh in on this. But I travel a lot, so I just went into my email account and looked at the full headers (the address info that tells you what IP number the mail comes from). The mails I sent last week from my laptop through a hotel internet provider have a different IP (one from AT&T, in Wichita and that was NOT where I was, btw, so beware of that, too) than the ones through the same laptop that is connected to my home router/modem (which pinpoint my location very closely). Now, if he has a blackberry that is not on a corporate server, his emails will all have a blackberry IP, and if they run through a corp server, then they will have some proprietory IP. http://whatismyipaddress.com/staticpages/index.php/lookup-results So try that, if you feel like putting a few more minutes effort into it. Put in his IP from an old email, and see where they came from. Caveats: They may not show where they actually came from (like my Atlanta hotel with the Wichita IP address), but they might. As well, if he is working for a large corp (and if you know where he works!), they might have an employee look-up menu on their main number when you call in. That might garner you a last name. Or their website might have a news article announcing his hiring, if he is of sufficient status.
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