LovedByHim Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Alright. I've got a strange question. Before anyone jumps to this conclusion, there is a LOT of love between my boyfriend and I. We care about each other very much. He has told me before that an ex of his complained about his lack of jealousy. I thought it was kind of interesting and humourous, but now I can kinda see where she was coming from! The only time my boyfriend has ever showed the tiniest bit of jealousy was when I was hanging out with his friends when he was stuck up north working. He wasn't jealous of them - he was jealous that I got to see his buddies and he didn't. What a guy! Anyways, just wondering if anyone else has a significant other who has a surprising lack of jealousy and no lack at all of trust. Keep in mind, I don't think I'm complaining. But I do want to feel a little wanted in the form of jealousy! I love this man to pieces I'd rather be on this side of the spectrum ANY day rather than him being possessive and jealous. Just thought it was ying to the yang of this forum.
sxyNYCcpl Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Jealousy is, at it's core, a fear of loss. We are jealous when our SO speaks with a member of the opposite sex because we fear such conversation may lead to losing the relationship. We are jealous when our SO's have too many Facebook friends of the wrong gender because we ultimately fear that will lead to the loss of the relationship. And so on. Clearly, he is not concerned that your actions, nor the people you hang out with, will lead to the dissolution of your relationship. Be happy. Very few ever achieve such a level of trust.
TaraMaiden Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Hmmmm.... Not so sure.... Why did he and his ex- break up? Lack of jealousy sometimes can actually denote a "suit of armour". He's protecting himself to such an extent from being hurt, that he's 'witholding'. He doesn't seem jealous, because in fact, he's preventing himself from caring too much. he appears to love completely and totally, but in fact, he's self-protecting by holding back that aspect of himself that actually cares.... But I could be wrong. Totally. But if he wasn't jealous of his ex- (and they broke up) and now, he's not jealous of you..... I'm just a little suspicious......
Author LovedByHim Posted August 14, 2009 Author Posted August 14, 2009 My boyfriend and I have talked about our previous breakups and what we have gone through. I have a lot more baggage than he does. It's not to say that he hasn't been hurt - he has. But he hasn't really let any other woman get close enough to him to hurt him like that. He hasn't ever moved in with a girl so I'm the first, and he is very forthcoming when telling me that his ex(s) hadn't had that spark for him so he wouldn't have even bothered asking for a future with them. So I don't think he has a suit of armor. He's very honest and the most straight-forward and happy guy I have ever dated. I think his lack of jealousy is an awesome trust thing - he just doesn't think that there is any room to worry about me. Which makes me feel good Thanks guys!
TaraMaiden Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 .... I have a lot more baggage than he does. It's not to say that he hasn't been hurt - he has. But he hasn't really let any other woman get close enough to him to hurt him like that. He hasn't ever moved in with a girl so I'm the first, and he is very forthcoming when telling me that his ex(s) hadn't had that spark for him so he wouldn't have even bothered asking for a future with them. So I don't think he has a suit of armor. but that's it, right there!! Don't you see it? You said it yourself! "he hasn't let any other woman get close enough to hurt him like that." Including you - !! He's keeping you at arm's length - just like he has with every other woman! You really don't see it?
Author LovedByHim Posted August 15, 2009 Author Posted August 15, 2009 Uh. No. I don't see what you're talking about at all. He doesn't get jealous because I'm not as close to him as I think I am and he's secretly holding me at arms length? I could come up with a couple of reasons why he trusts me like he does - namely being that I've never done anything to earn his distrust and that we're on an incredible level. But that's the furthest thing. Thanks for your input anyways. But I know my guy enough that way
TaraMaiden Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 But I do want to feel a little wanted in the form of jealousy! Ok. I'll just hang around and see what happens......
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