alexlakeman Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 What a question! I have broken up with many women and many women have broken up with me during my years of dating... Now, I am in a hole and don't know how to break up with one ... Background - I want to break up w/ gf1. We've been dating for about 6 wks or so...I met gf2 about 2 wks into gf1's relationship.... and sh.t got screwed up when I sent gf1 a text intended for gf2.. something like "I wonder if we'll have the same chemistry when we meet"... oopppss.. I told gf 1 the truth, "I didn't know how serious you are about the relationship, (well, kinda told her the truth )...anyway, so I stayed on match and was responding to someone I was interchanging email.. she give me a second chance, get back together... she seems pretty serious about me .... In the interim, i am seeing gf 2 (haven't slept with this one yet) and it looks like I would prefer to pursue a relationship with gf2 ... GF1 will feel like ****... I can't tell her I am breaking up b/c of another woman... Women, thoughts? How would you want to be told? We thougtht all was soo good after the make up, she said she missed me, glad we're back, etc... thoughts?
Trimmer Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 GF1 will feel like ****... I can't tell her I am breaking up b/c of another woman... Actually, I think you are projecting the guilt you will feel onto her, assuming that she will feel bad. Yes, of course she will feel bad, but you are talking like you are protecting her from feeling bad about herself, when really, it sounds like you are looking for the easy way out so you don't feel bad about yourself. And the only way you can accomplish that is to deceive her. Look, either you tell her the truth - the ugly truth about you - or you deceive her. Neither one is an "easy" way out - you've already cemented that problem in place by your own choices. You seem to think that telling her the truth will make her feel bad. I've got another possible perspective to propose: If you lie and avoid telling her that the breakup is because of your other woman, don't you think she will ultimately draw the conclusion that she just wasn't good enough - that it's all about her inadequacies - and she will then be very hard on herself (i.e. feel like s**t, and bad feelings against herself, which was the thing you were worried about, right?) On the other hand, if you tell her the truth, and let her see that this was really a situation created, brought about, mismanaged, etc. by YOU, isn't it possible that she will be able to use this truthful information to put things into better perspective, and not be so hard on herself? She may think much less of you, but might that not help her to really sort things out for herself and her place in the relationship and breakup in an honest way? So in summary: what are you really concerned about: her feelings and her ability to recover from this (even if she thinks badly of you after knowing the truth...) or are you just looking for the easy way to avoid bad feelings (possibly deserved, you have to admit?) being directed at you? I realize you're looking for women's opinions, and I'll be interested in reading them myself, to see if I'm on track or way off - or it could be one of those things where a lot of people come down on both sides...
lucy9216 Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Trimmer is absoloutley right in my opinion. If you are honest with the entire situation it will make the break up easier on her and she will not be soo hard on herself. She will know that it is because of your mismangement of the situation, not really blame herself for the break up. It would be best to be honest and for her to know the truth. Sorry, but in this situation you should carry the guilt not her. That would not be fair seeing as she did nothing wrong. No offense towards you personally, but I think this is the right thing to do.
bac Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 as for me, the first, as soon as possible let a girl know about that. Second, I would want to know the truthful reasons why( even it is painful). But I do not believe that a man can say truthful reasons because he would be afraid of drama.
Author alexlakeman Posted August 14, 2009 Author Posted August 14, 2009 What makes it sooo different is that last Saturday we met to discuss the my screw up, ask for to forgive me, etc... she decided to give me a chance, we ended up going on a date that night... all great... ...Then gf2 calls me Sunday... wtf, I thought gf2 wasn't soo interested... so there's the problem, just a week ago I went up to bat and gave it my all, now a week later, she is like "i'm happy we got back", "I thought you weren't going to call.."... etc... not stalker type, lol.. just normal "hey I missed you".. so one week, it was over, she thought, then we're back, and now I dump her .. One thing that I feel bad too, is that she has told me a few times that in the time she's been divorced she really hasn't had a "relationship"... I take that as they don't last, so I am doing the same s.h.it to her...another "no relationship"... I shouldn't feel bad, women do it to us guys with no regret, they are much colder...
tkgirl Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 What makes it sooo different is that last Saturday we met to discuss the my screw up, ask for to forgive me, etc... she decided to give me a chance, we ended up going on a date that night... all great... ...Then gf2 calls me Sunday... wtf, I thought gf2 wasn't soo interested... so there's the problem, just a week ago I went up to bat and gave it my all, now a week later, she is like "i'm happy we got back", "I thought you weren't going to call.."... etc... not stalker type, lol.. just normal "hey I missed you".. so one week, it was over, she thought, then we're back, and now I dump her .. One thing that I feel bad too, is that she has told me a few times that in the time she's been divorced she really hasn't had a "relationship"... I take that as they don't last, so I am doing the same s.h.it to her...another "no relationship"... I shouldn't feel bad, women do it to us guys with no regret, they are much colder... oi... hmmm... what I'd like to really say to you is stop seeing G1 and G2 and save them both the misery. Oops... I guess I did say it! Seriously dude... do you really think you want a relationship right now? Should you? because to me you sound like you don't know what the hey you want and therefore should just be d-a-t-i-n-g... gee, there's an idea!
lucy9216 Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 oi... hmmm... what I'd like to really say to you is stop seeing G1 and G2 and save them both the misery. Oops... I guess I did say it! Seriously dude... do you really think you want a relationship right now? Should you? because to me you sound like you don't know what the hey you want and therefore should just be d-a-t-i-n-g... gee, there's an idea! There's a great idea, just date!!! nothing serious is a really good idea. Because Gf2 from what you said doesent seem very interested, so you dump gf1 for gf2 then guess what, gf2 disses you for her bf2 then you are left wishing you hadn't dumped gf1 for gf2 and now you are wanting gf1 back?
infjer Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 i love what trimmer had to say. he nailed it. you'll look like a d-bag, but suck it up and tell her the truth. it happens. just save her the time and put it all out there so she feels confident in walking away and doesn't second-guess herself. her feelings will initially be hurt but don't say anything about being confused, not sure, etc. b/c she'll assume you're still thinking about giving her a shot and you're not. be honest about the other girl. do you think she won't find out anyway? this has happened to me in the past and i was pissed at first but appreciated the fact that he was honest and got over it pretty fast.
Author alexlakeman Posted August 14, 2009 Author Posted August 14, 2009 No, no, gf2 is definitely interested, I am very sure of that, hence why I am comfortable letting go of gf1 at this time..
tkgirl Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 No, no, gf2 is definitely interested, I am very sure of that, hence why I am comfortable letting go of gf1 at this time.. gee.. that's so great that you know gf2 is interested so now you can be comfortable letting gf1 go. So that means if you weren't so sure gf2 was interested you wouldn't want to let gf1 go? seriously.. you sound like a real prize.... I wish whoever you end up with a lot of luck.
lucy9216 Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 No, no, gf2 is definitely interested, I am very sure of that, hence why I am comfortable letting go of gf1 at this time.. Ahhh... okay. Yes be honest with gf1 and let her hate you, sorry :-( no one likes being the bad guy but sometimes you have too.
D-Lish Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 I think gf1 will probably assume that you followed through with meeting the other girl. You already told her what happened with the text, so she's going to put it together. I don't know how you are going to get away with letting her down easy. You only wanted to smooth things out with her initially because the girl you were actually interested in didn't seem to reciprocate. If I was gf1 I'd be pretty offended- then again I wouldn't have gotten back with you in the first place after getting a text intended for someone else you wanted to meet behind my back. If the first girl really likes you, you aren't being a stand up guy by two-timing with another woman. Just be honest, and do it as soon as possible- the first girl deserves someone who really wants to be with her- not someone who is always looking for someone better to come along.
Author alexlakeman Posted August 14, 2009 Author Posted August 14, 2009 I think gf1 will probably assume that you followed through with meeting the other girl. You already told her what happened with the text, so she's going to put it together. I don't know how you are going to get away with letting her down easy. You only wanted to smooth things out with her initially because the girl you were actually interested in didn't seem to reciprocate. If I was gf1 I'd be pretty offended- then again I wouldn't have gotten back with you in the first place after getting a text intended for someone else you wanted to meet behind my back. If the first girl really likes you, you aren't being a stand up guy by two-timing with another woman. Just be honest, and do it as soon as possible- the first girl deserves someone who really wants to be with her- not someone who is always looking for someone better to come along. Tks , point accross with no bashing, lol I don't consider it two timing, and it all started b/c we had gone out for 3-4 wks, and it didn't feel "exclusive", she still had her match up... so I went back and got another date.. and I have actually felt guilty and bad vs "wow, I got two girls"... You are right, she will put 2 and 2 together, and figure I just stayed with the other one.. Ok.. now... Tell her over the phone? No sense inviting her to a drink to break up with her.. that would be misleading... I think phone should be it.. we have a date setup for Sat, so really want to do it Fri..
tkgirl Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Tks , point accross with no bashing, lol I don't consider it two timing, and it all started b/c we had gone out for 3-4 wks, and it didn't feel "exclusive", she still had her match up... so I went back and got another date.. and I have actually felt guilty and bad vs "wow, I got two girls"... You are right, she will put 2 and 2 together, and figure I just stayed with the other one.. Ok.. now... Tell her over the phone? No sense inviting her to a drink to break up with her.. that would be misleading... I think phone should be it.. we have a date setup for Sat, so really want to do it Fri.. ok.. no more bashing. Yep, time to man up... call soon-to-be ex gf1 and end it TONIGHT! or, if it's too late to call wherever you're at, do it tomorrow morning. She thinks you guys have a date this saturday... it's best to break it to her ASAP that it's off. er... good luck... to gf2! just kidding!
carhill Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Oh, just for once, so you know how it feels, look a woman in the eye, tell her the truth and break up with her in person. Come on, it's what a real man does. You know, the kind with a penis and balls. You'll feel a lot better, later.
tkgirl Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Oh, just for once, so you know how it feels, look a woman in the eye, tell her the truth and break up with her in person. Come on, it's what a real man does. You know, the kind with a penis and balls. You'll feel a lot better, later. yea, what a concept.. something tells me this guy doesn't have the... um, goods you speak of.
lucy9216 Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 yea, what a concept.. something tells me this guy doesn't have the... um, goods you speak of. Yes, break up with her in person. You owe her that much and sorry but I think you deserve to see the look on her face when you do it. Good luck to ya!
utterer of lies Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 How to get rid of gf1? First, have sex with gf1. Then, while she's still in bed, walk out of the room and change into a fool's costume. Shake the bells, dance around the bed and sing "Go away. There's the door. I don't love you anymore.". If she starts crying, tell her it's not her, it's you. You find her boring and ugly, and much prefer gf2. If she starts attacking you, gently spray her with mace. If she doesn't, pretend she is, and spray anyway. See, it's just that easy.
Lyssa Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Break it off with her in person. She's not going to hurt you. Let's hope not, anyway.
tkgirl Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Break it off with her in person. She's not going to hurt you. Let's hope not, anyway. really? because I'm kind of hoping she does hurt him!
Recommended Posts