tkgirl Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 I've thought about that TK. I've wondering if I've made a mistake, but I remind myself that there is a reason why I did this. She is a sweet girl and deserves that absolute best, but I am trying to live in the comfort that I did not come to this decision lightly, that I seeked outside counsel and thought about it long and hard. Either way, I think I need this time to figure out myself. Even if I wanted to go back and I made a mistake, I am weary of doing so right now. What if I'm making that decision because I just want to make her feel better, maybe I feel guilty and alone now too and I want to fix that..........and what if we are back and I feel "not right" again in a few weeks. Whatever happens, I need to wait out this period and get my head right........and make sure I don't lead her on or give her any false hope. I honestly care about her more right now than I do myself. I don't want her to hurt anymore, but I know she has to.......its part of the healing process and I can't help her with that and I shouldn't even try. Being the dumpee is hard, but I think its a bad assumption to think that dumpers are always happy and not hurt when they bring pain to others. I wish there were more guys like you out there! That you feel so deeply about this... it really shows your true character and it's pretty special. Do you have an older brother? jk.... actually, you sound like a younger version of the guy that broke my heart last year... again. He is also very sweet and caring... which is why I fell so hard for him. But he was also very mixed up and would keep coming back to me, only to pull away again. I finally had enough and told him to leave me alone. He, of course, was very sorry and told me how I deserved someone "more together" than him... and he was right, but that didn't make it any easier for me. I guess what I'm getting at is I've been the girl you just broke up with.... and it's really best you leave her alone right now... anything else will just F with her heart too much. And if down the road you realize you may want her back, please please please think long and hard about why and what you will do differently. Oops! maybe I'm projecting my situation a little too much here? anyways... you hang in there tomtom26! and we're here for you whenever you need to vent.. about whatever!
Author tomtom26 Posted August 24, 2009 Author Posted August 24, 2009 I wish there were more guys like you out there! That you feel so deeply about this... it really shows your true character and it's pretty special. Do you have an older brother? jk.... actually, you sound like a younger version of the guy that broke my heart last year... again. He is also very sweet and caring... which is why I fell so hard for him. But he was also very mixed up and would keep coming back to me, only to pull away again. I finally had enough and told him to leave me alone. He, of course, was very sorry and told me how I deserved someone "more together" than him... and he was right, but that didn't make it any easier for me. I guess what I'm getting at is I've been the girl you just broke up with.... and it's really best you leave her alone right now... anything else will just F with her heart too much. And if down the road you realize you may want her back, please please please think long and hard about why and what you will do differently. Oops! maybe I'm projecting my situation a little too much here? anyways... you hang in there tomtom26! and we're here for you whenever you need to vent.. about whatever! Thanks TK, I appreciate the support!
torranceshipman Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 You sound like a good guy and I agree, it doesn't matter how amazing and awesome a person is - if the chemistry just isn't there, it just isn't there. Great people can make great friends but they don't automatically get partner status just because they're cool people. So, I have been dumped a couple of times by guys who seemed like you - they were very respectful and sweet about how they did it, and said they thought I was awesome and said really cool things, but that they just didn't think we were compatible (they were right!) - although it hurt a lot at the time, I always look back and feel respected and like those guys were really cool for ending it the way they did...and strangely, it was a bit of a confidence boost too as they said such genuinely nice things when they ended it with me I know you don't want to hurt her but it's just nature...you can't help NOT fancying her enough...so end it respectfully, be honest, don't leave any room for her to hope/cling to, but still be sweet - it might be a nice idea to put it all in a longer email after you've done it in person to explain some of these feelings that you have....
dakotaswirl Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 I registered just to reply to this thread. After the anguish sets in, wondering whether you made the right decision and feeling like **** are totally normal. Know this: if you had serious enough doubts to go through with dumping her, you did the right thing. It hurts like hell, but be thankful you had the courage to do it sooner rather than later. Based on your posts you sound pretty similar to me and I'm guessing that even after you're dating new people you'll still wonder from time to time what ever happened to this sweet girl, and she'll probably wonder about you, too. That's life. Stick to you guns, lick your wounds, and move on knowing that ultimately, you did the right thing for both of you.
Author tomtom26 Posted August 24, 2009 Author Posted August 24, 2009 I registered just to reply to this thread. After the anguish sets in, wondering whether you made the right decision and feeling like **** are totally normal. Know this: if you had serious enough doubts to go through with dumping her, you did the right thing. It hurts like hell, but be thankful you had the courage to do it sooner rather than later. Based on your posts you sound pretty similar to me and I'm guessing that even after you're dating new people you'll still wonder from time to time what ever happened to this sweet girl, and she'll probably wonder about you, too. That's life. Stick to you guns, lick your wounds, and move on knowing that ultimately, you did the right thing for both of you. Yeah, you're absolutely right dakota, I'll always wonder if she's ok or what she is doing. I have stuck to my guns and made sure to leave no room for error. I've been through the heartache too and I know it always better to break it off and not allow the other person to hold on to you. I've fought every urge I had to txt or call her to see if she is ok, but I know that everytime I reach out and gives her false hopes, and while it might make her and me feel better in the short term, I'm keeping her from moving on to a brighter future that doesn't include me.
tkgirl Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Yeah, you're absolutely right dakota, I'll always wonder if she's ok or what she is doing. I have stuck to my guns and made sure to leave no room for error. I've been through the heartache too and I know it always better to break it off and not allow the other person to hold on to you. I've fought every urge I had to txt or call her to see if she is ok, but I know that everytime I reach out and gives her false hopes, and while it might make her and me feel better in the short term, I'm keeping her from moving on to a brighter future that doesn't include me. yeah... you are doing the right thing by leaving her alone and letting her move on. It might seem like a cold thing to do... and she may even feel like you are being an @$$ too by not contacting her... but in the long you'll both realize it's what's best. I wish my ex would have left me alone... instead of breaking my heart one more time... oh, whoa is me!
Isolde Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Seriously, err on the side of being too blunt. It'll probably hurt more at first but less, later, because she'll resolve to move on post haste. Of course, since you've been dating her for some months, you'll want to do it in person--but the words you say don't really matter, if you express the truth, that you've thought this through and come to this decision. Good luck!
Isolde Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 You can be nice and still be stimulating/exciting. I think most people know this deep down yet some people still act like you need to sacrifice that element of a relationship to be content. Of course, you don't want drama rollercoasters, but there isn't one personality type that suits everybody, and the girl OP talked about is a case in point.
Isolde Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 OP already told her... I didn't see the top of this page before posting.
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