What are your thoughts???

[Danielle46]

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 1/2 years. We've grown together, dated all through high school and most of college. The other day we broke up, but not on bad terms, well not completely. He is going through a lot of life changes right now and is also going through a strange phase in his life. He told me that he definitely sees his future with me and that he loves me with all his heart. He reassured me that he didnt think this would be the ultimate end of our relationship. The problem at hand is that he feels like he doesn't know anything but Me. Since we have been together for so long and started dating when we were soo young, neither one of us has even experienced life without the other person. He isn't doing this because he wants to run off and be with tons of girls. Its hard to explain it, but he isnt that kind of guy, he is reserved and loyal. I know those can be few and far between, but they're out there! He basically just needs time to do some things that he never really got a chance to do before. He says he doesn't want to lose contact with me because he considers me his ultimate best friend, as do I with him. He was VERY emotionally upset during this break up and he told me that this was the hardest thing he has ever had to do.

 

Initially, he didn't really know what to do. He wasn't sure if he wanted to break up but he knew that unless he got this phase of his life out of his system, it would be very difficult for him to be completely happy in our relationship. I was the one to make the solid decision that he and I both needed to take some time apart and just see where things go from there. I'm thinking this was the most mature thing to do. If's we're meant to be, then that's what will happen. His hopes are that he can take some time to himself and that this will improve and benfit our relationship. We have such a strong bond that it's incredible. This is very difficult for me and for him to endure.

 

All I'm asking for is a little advice. I know that can be hard to give because each relationship is unique and obviously I can't explain every detail on this thread...that would be nearly impossible. But if you have gone through a similar situation, or if you're a guy and can possibly shine some light on this for me, that would be greatly appreciated.

 

At this point, I am trying my best to be strong. I am avoiding contacting him so that I dont provide a band-aid during this time. I'm just giving him that space he requested and a chance to see what life is like without me.

 

Please advise, if you would.

 

Thank you

[GrayClouds]

get on with your life as if he is gone forever. spend this time to find out what you what, get to know other people and learn to enjoy being by yourself

 

if he does come back, you will be a better person for him, if he does not come back you will be a better person for yourself

[NightLord1]

What i am about to say you may not agree with at all but I wouldn't believe a single word of what he is saying.

 

He is implying that he doesn't know you even after being with you for all those years and that he "doesn't know what he wants" he basically is saying he doesn't know if he wants YOU so there could be a big chance he is going out to play the field and see what else is out there.

 

I wouldn't hold my breath on him coming to his senses and coming back to you. A lot of people have said the same thing about their exes only to discover they were dating other people.

 

I don't mean to be all doom and gloom here but I find it hard to believe it would just be as he says it is and nothing else.

 

A lot of people who were in long term relationships will often feel restricted and trapped after a while and will want to break up just to see what else or who else is out there and "live" a little.

 

Just my 2 cents I could be wrong...but in cases like this it usually doesn't come out to anything good at all.

[Lizzie60]

I am not sure I get it.. He doesn't want to break up to be with other girls?

 

He just want time on his own to do some stuff?

 

Is that it?

[northstar1]

It's not uncommon for couples to break up after highschool/during college. People change and want different things in life. Different paths.

What does he feel he can't do being in a couple? Is he planning to go travelling alone or spend more time with friends?

 

Have you only done things as a couple, and he feels that he needs time to do things alone or with friends?

[Danielle46]

What it comes down to is that we have lived our lives with each other for the past 5.5 years...all we have known is each other...we never did the whole independent thing where you have those HS days and college days and all that.

 

His whole thing is that before things get too serious, he wants a little time to himself to kind of evaluate everything. This doesn't mean he doesn't love me or doesn't care about me.

 

He recently graduated from college and is searching for a new career. I, on the other hand, have quite a bit of school left since I'm going to become a doctor. There are slight issues in his family situation as well, an example, his dad has been without a job for over a year and they may be faced with having to move to another state. His family is like my 2nd family.

 

I am not naive. I do realize that some people say that all his reasons are complete BS...I have considered this. But I do ask that no one judge him without knowing him. Like I said initially, It's hard to give all of you a real good idea of our relationship..as it would be with any... there is obviously a lot missing, Im just giving you a nut-shell version of our current situation.

 

Sometimes people need a little time to themselves especially when they have been with the same person for a long time. It doesnt mean that everything is overwith forever. Sometimes people break up and spend a lot of time apart, and then end up getting back together and are happier than ever. And sometimes, things are just over. I realize both sides of the fence exist....

 

I just wanted to see if anyone else out there has endured something similar and can relate to what Im going through.

 

I do however appreciate the comment from "Gray Clouds"...thats the move Im making right now. I'm trying to convince myself to accept this as over...that way I avoid being hurt double. Regardless, a small part of me will be holding onto the idea of us being together again, that is inevitable. But I am trying my best to be strong and I am concentrating on doing for myself. We are best friends and I don't want to lose that completely. In the event that we dont work out as BF/GF I would, in due time, like to be friends with him.

 

As for the whole "dating other girls thing..." When he told me that his intentions were not to go out and date a bunch of other girls, I was the one who said "you dont know what life will throw at you, when you give it that opportunity"... I clearly told him that he could end up meeting the girl of his dreams (if its not me)...you NEVER know.

 

I know of stories of hope and relationships that have worked out after a long time apart... and obviously I know of ones that didn't.

[northstar1]

At least you are going into this with your eyes wide open and realism.

 

In my experience, most of the couples I knew from hs and college who broke up did not get back together. They began to form other friendships, and did begin to date other people and moved into new relationships. I do know one couple who dated for most of college, broke up and dated other people for a few years. They went NC and lost touch for 3 or 4 years. I am not sure the details, but somehow they had a random reconnect and ended back dating again and are now married with kids.

 

But yes, you do need to treat this as being final. Go NC and live your own life. You can't stay in a 'friendship' now.

 

Sure you may connect again down the road, but don't pin hopes on it.

[hoping2heal]

I think he is going to sew his wild oats. That doesn't necesarily mean in a person; but he is going to get wild. I know from personal experience, and don't get me wrong I didn't even sleep around, but I had my wild "hippy" times, where I answered to no one, just had fun, fell in and out of love a few times, it's one of those things everyone goes through, a sense of something missing or unlived. Since he never got to have a taste of that liberation and freedom to do whatever, whenever, with whomever he is yearning for it now, and he's right that without experiencing it will never be content in your relationship. Also, it's possible but I want to warn you that it's unlikely once he's done he's going to come back to you. Not because he didn't love you and the time you had together, but because by the time he's done experiencing this time he will be different as a person and his tastes and interests will be different. There are always exceptions to every rule, there are but in my own personal experience, as well as the personal experience of everyone else I've known who's gone through this, it just wasn't the case.

[Danielle46]

I appreciate all of the responses. I am seeing this situation from all angles. I am not predicting the future here, Im just trying to make sense of everything. How something so perfect and wonderful took such a turn. I can't say I didn't expect this, since we were so young when we started dating and have been dating for a long time. I always kind of knew that something along these lines would happen...I just never expected it to be this difficult. I know that its extra hard for me because I didn't want this to happen. And I know that I have to treat this as "officially over" so that I can begin to move on quicker. I do realize that either one of us could move on and begin a new chapter of our lives without the other person. Im not blind to the fact that this might not work out. A lot of first loves done, but some do. Both my parents and his parents are both "first love" type of relationships...and have been happily married for 20+ years in both cases. This is what gives me hope. But I also know that the chance of this happening is few and far between. I know that no matter what the outcome of this experience, I will be able to pick my head up and keep going. I have a lot going for me and I am excited about my future as a doctor...I have great friends and an amazing family. I have support all around me. I also feel better knowing that our relationship did not end because of a huge argument, infidelity or lying...it just simply needed some change...possibly permanent.

 

We mean a lot to each other and this isn't any easier on him than it is on me. I made the final call with this one. I made the decision to break it off and deal with our own stuff for right now. He didn't know what to do...But I knew I couldnt continue in a relationship where there was the slightest bit of doubt. You're either in it or your not...its worth it or it isn't. And hopefully he'll see that I am not someone who is going to sit around in bed all day and cry my eyes out hour after hour over him... I may have my moments but for my own sake, I have to remain strong and surround myself with the aforementioned supportive people.

 

I know that my life is going to work out. I will be happy again one day (w/ or w/o him) and I will achieve everything I put my mind too (as will everyone else who puts forth all of their effort).

 

I am truly handling this the best way I can for right now...Each day will become a little easier and I will learn more and more about myself. It has been 5 1/2 wonderful years with him and I will never forget all that we have together and all that we have been through. I wish nothing but the best for him in all of his endeavors. I just wish I could be there with him for all of his success....

[trueblue72ny]

i am finding this post to be very inspirational as well as your strength danielle. ive posted here about my girl which i work with. we have shared the last 4, almost 5 years now since i have known her. thats not as long as all of high scool/college but its kind of a long time. we have been back and forth a little in the past but mostly apart in the last year when we officially split.

 

she was 26/27 when i met her. now she is 32. before i met her she was raising a daughter she had at 20. and her life was focused around those responsibilities. and the difficult relationship with the daughters father. she has said it before in the past, over the years, that she has never got to go out and experience a lot. and she hasnt. but i did not recognise it as anything at the time. me on the other hand thats all i have done is sown my oats do what i want when i want since forever. i was 32 when we met. now i am 37.

 

i dont get the feelings that she doesnt love me or not care, i know she does. shes proven it over and over to me that she does. even when i was being thick headed! i dont get the feelings like this is anything personal against me either, as strange as that sounds.

 

i have been feeling something coming from inside her for quite awhile like she wants to have a little time for herself to experience life i guess you can say. maybe something different. there is something she needs to get out of her system. her daughter now is going on 12 and is getting to be at that age were she can look after herself. can you blame somebody for that? not wanting to always be in a relationship. or least taking a break and seeing what else is out there. to see if the grass is greener on the other side so to speak? as much as that is difficult for me to deal with. i guess am realizing sometimes maybe the only way you can show someone you really care about them is to let them go and find what they are looking for. even if that doesnt always include you. i dont even know how to let go of this woman that i love. that is where my problem comes in. and thats what im facing here too. the chance that we could lose each other for good. as much as the thought of that pains me so deeply to think about.

 

she says she doesnt want to lose contact with me either. and i do believe it so far. we have been officially split for a year now. but we have always remained in touch. we have never not spoken for more than a month or two. lots of times we speak on a daily basis. and lots of times its initiated by her. i do my best to just let things go, and before you know it i receive her email. in the last year she has tried dating an old boyfriend (who apparently wasnt interested), and meeting others. i have also tried meeting and dating other women in response. we always wind up talking about it afterwards.

 

 

now last month when we got back together, we made an agreement, we will hang, but if either one of us meets somebody we will let each other know and remain friends. unexpectedly she did. she has not met anyone new in years, even before me. but she got asked to dinner by some new guy. so she told me. she wants to see what its all about. and there was no crying over it from me. i stuck to our agreement and we have ageed to remain friends. as difficult as it is to just let go. we live 20 mins from aprt so its conveient to see each other.

 

i almost get the feelings like she has to get it out of her system meeting a couple new guys and seeing what its like out there and seeing what dating is like or something. and again, as strange as it sounds i dont feel like its anything personal towards me. i dont feel that she doesnt care. i dont know how to explain its difficult.

 

she has stated she wants to remain friends and told me she wants to hang out together here and there. and i do believe that to be true also so far. but no sex now. obviously not. 1) she is not like that. 2) i am not like that. 3) it preserves the trust between us if we get back together down the road. again, i am not naive about the situation and can not sit around pinning my hopes that we will.

 

i started thinkinng about this post and i realized it may be similiar at least.

 

i just got all this news about 8days ago. we didnt talk until just today and actually got laughing because we both thought we were upset at each other. i cant tell you that i wasnt thinking about it hard, but we are both very civil to each other.

 

if you love something set it free, if it comes back to you its yours? is that what this is all about??

 

right now i am rationalizing all this in my head and thinking about this post. it has givn me something new to think about. and as weird as it sounds right now with knowing how in love i have always been with her, i kind of feel ok just for a second. i know it wont last very long. i am already starting to feel that panic and sense of loss creep back into mind.

 

but i will try to focus that at least i have been able to salvage a mutual friendship from it and that is better than nothing to me. i would still like to have her in my life in some capacity. i am also happy with the fact that our relationship did not end on bad terms, there was no huge arguments, cheating, or lying, it just simply needs to go thru some kind of change. and maybe we will wind up laughing about this together again someday, maybe not. but i dont think no contact is possible in this situation because we both work in the same office.

 

but for now i am trying to handle this the best way that i can. and i just wish i could be her lover again.

[onthebrinkofitall]

Oh sweetie, I really do feel for you. I decided to respond because I'm in a somewhat similar situation.. except I'm married.

 

My advice to you would be to try and find yourself, without him being an influence. Learn to live without him, so that if the time should come when you have to, you know you're strong enough to do that. You're still young, no children, and not married. Live your life for YOU while you can because there will be a time in your life when others will always come first and at least you will have had this time to experience life on your own. I wish I'd had this choice.

 

Best of luck to you.. and him. Try to stay positive and know that whatever happens, you can make the best of it.

[Danielle46]

Thank you for your insight. I am making every solid effort that I can to learn a lot from this experience. He actually texted me last night and said "hey I wanted to say that I really love you a lot and miss you like crazy"....I didn't respond. I think that's the move I need to make right now so that I don't provide a safety net for him. He knows exactly how I feel, he knows that I love him with all my heart and I miss him every second of every day that we aren't together. Deep down, I have this "womens intuition" type of feeling that in due time he is going to realize what he is potentially giving up...and we're going to have a serious conversation about his current issues.

 

I know its important for someone to really get a good grasp of life before you have to start putting other first. I've hear from a lot of people that they somewhat regret not taking time for themselves before jumping head first into marriage/children etc. It's just extremely hard when you are on the side of the fence that was completely happy and could spend the rest of your life with that person.

 

One thing that I do see as a positive from all of this is that this could truly strengthen our relationship and possibly help it move on to the next level. I do wish I could guarantee that this would happen but I do understand that it's possible that it's over. I know that he loves me and cares for me immensely. I think he's just confused and a little scared of where he is in his life right now. He's at that point where things are going to start changing, life is opening a new chapter for him and he is feeling a little lost in it all. He doesn't want us to be apart....he loves our relationship and how we are when we're together...but I think he really needs to experience life without me to see if that's actually the more opportune road for him right now.

 

I can't be selfish and convince him to stay with me just for the heck of it. As bad as I want to be with him, its not fair to myself to be in a situation where he has the slightest bit of doubt...he needs to work through that doubt and discover what it is that he really wants. Hopefully, by the time he accomplishes that, we both will want the same thing.

 

I'm scared to death that he'll move on...but from talking with my mother (who is very intelligent and honest-& has known him for just as long as I-) she seems to think that he is going to come to his senses and see what he is losing. He isnt the type of guy who likes to hook up with random girls or "play the field"...and I think he will confirm that within himself during this time.

 

I made him promise the night we spoke that he would go out and really try to do the things he claims he may be missing out on a little. I told him to GO...go out with his brother, do the whole bar and club scene, so that you can't ever tell me that you never had the opportunity to do this... GO...go talk to different women, see the type of people who are out there, and then make your decision. I don't want him coming back to me without doing this because then we are back at the starting point. I need him to try this so that he can literally get it out of his system. I don't ever want to revisit this issue again if we continue on in a relationship.

 

By him texting me last night, I think that he is having moments where he really hits a brick wall and realizes that I mean business. I am not weak. I know that whatever come my way, I can battle through it...and I think he knows that too. I wish I could tell him that I've done nothing but think about him every 2 seconds and pray that we can weather through this to be happier than ever...but I can't. I have to put my guard up and stand my ground so I avoid, as best I can, the chance of being hurt again. It's for my own good, and his as well.

 

The way I see it is, if I am worth the fight, he will fight for me. I am sure that the text I received last night won't be the last attempt of communication from him. He is going to give everything a second thought since he saw that I refrained from responding to him. If we are meant to be together, that is what will happen. There is some reason why we are going through this and in due time, I will know what that is, and probably appreciate it. One of two things will happen... we will either get back together and be wonderful, or I will become a stronger person overall.

 

I pray for the first option...but I appreciate the second as well. Strength will find me in any of the avenues. Like I was told in a previous response from Grey Clouds...this whole experience will make me stronger, either for myself, or for him in our relationship.

 

Thank you all for your insight, I will keep you updated on the progress. =)

[northstar1]

Thanks for the update. You are showing remarkable maturity and strength.

Wise move in not replying. You are right, if he wants to go and live life and do his own thing, then he can no longer have you as a support network. You can't simply transition into a friendship, it doesn't work that way.

 

Stay strong and leave him to his own devices. He may come to his senses, but in the meantime you will be carving your path.

[Danielle46]

Northstar, thank you for helping to kind of confirm my action and prove I've done the right thing. I was sitting next to my mom last night watching a movie when I received the text. And of course, I asked her opinion. She said if it were her in my situation she wouldn't respond. He is looking for reassurance...he wants me to tell him that I love and miss him (he knows this already, he has to). I think (or hope) by not responding I am lighting a small fire within him and making him think..."wow, she never said anything...what have i done??"...Im sure that if I keep this whole no contact from my end thing going that he will cave in and come back at me full force.

 

We have SO much together. Our relationship is much different than many people who have dated around our age for a long period of time. We're not only each others loves but we are best friends. Our relationship is solid and passionate. We appreciate each other and are proud of each other. We share so many things in common and have conversations with each other that we couldn't have with anyone else...just due to the bond we share over various things.

 

I don't want to lose him. But I know that this is the best move for me to make right now in order to protect myself and hopefully improve our relationship. I feel like, in a way, I have the ball in my court now. He is obviously already showing regret for all of this. I, on the other hand, am remaining firm in my decision to give him time and space to do as he pleases. I know he isn't going to find someone else and forget about me. I'm aware that there are sinics out there that want to tell me "You dont know that, that probably IS what he's going to do..." And yes, I realize that it isnt impossible for that to happen. But at the same time, if each of you knew him, you would know he is a one-of-a-kind type of man...and Im not just saying this.

 

Before any type of reconnecting happens (if it does) we are going to have a serious conversation about everything and then he is going to sleep on his thoughts and decisions as will I. I want both of us to be sure of our feelings before diving either into or out of this relationship. I realize that the night we spoke wont be the last night I ever talk to him...it can't be. There is a lot of issues and so forth that we need to hash out after we have both had time to think.

 

By losing him in our relationship, I lose more than just that. His family is like my second family. I have been through so much with them and I love them as I love my own. His little sister and I are like best friends, even though she is years younger. His brother is like my brother. His parents are like mine as well. His whole family loves me, and my whole family loves him. Not to mention, both sides of the family get along as well. There's so much potential here for an amazing future with this man and I dont want it to get thrown away over a little selfish doubt. This is why I hope that he can work through this phase of his life and do whatever experiencing he needs to do so that this doesn't end on a note that it shouldn't.

 

If he discovers that the life without me is the one he needs right now then at least I know he went out there and made the effort to full-on decide that. Right now I don't think he really even knows which road to take...so it's a bit confusing on both ends.

 

Anyway, I've rambled enough...and I want all that reply or even just take the time to read this that I appreciate everything. It makes this a little easier to get through knowing that I share some sort of a bond with each one of you on here and that we can vent our problems to each other and gain support. I know the "bad" side of this, so please don't kill my hopes and dreams. I am not blind. I just want encouraging words and people to talk to...people who I know wont (or can't accurately) judge me or my situation because of the mystery of who we all are. Regardless though, I still utterly appreciate you taking your time out of your day and your own personal turmoil to give my situation a moment.

 

I look forward to hearing more from you all. =)

[dreamygirl]

Hello~

I have finally read your story. I have realised that after a year you are still in a similar situation because your first post was in 2008 and 2009 the situation has not changed much.

 

I have a friend who was heartbroken about her breakup with her bf. She was also very close to his family...but 3 years after their breakup, she still has a great relationship with his mom. They might not see each other as often anymore, but they both make effort to contact each other to see how things are going. (That may be something you could consider).

 

I would agree with most people that you should try to move on as if he isn't going to be part of your life...(i know thats what I keep telling myself to do). That way, if you don't end up being together, you've prepared yourself and don't end up getting hurt again...but if you do^^ then it was just meant to be.

 

I guess this is just my opinion (although I feel I am not really in a position to be giving advice...><).

 

Anyways all the best and please keep us posted ^_^

:love:

[trueblue72ny]

your story is giving me strength thank you!

[Danielle46]

Well, I have a bit of an update.

 

As I think I mentioned in an earlier response, he texted me Friday night to tell me that he really loves me a lot and misses me like crazy. I refrained from responding b/c I knew at that moment, that's what I had to do.

 

I didn't want him to think I was playing some game by ignoring him or anything like that. I posted a second thread and asked the opinion of guys on how to deal with this exact situation basically...they gave me advice and I decided to go with that. In the end, only I know what I need to do and how I feel.

 

Well, yesterday I decided to text him back...I just simply said "love you too" and left it at that. I knew he was at work so I wasn't expecting a reply. About and hour later, he texted me again and asked me if I just got that text today?...I simply said "no". I didn't want to go into detail about why I postponed a response so I left it at that.

 

He texted me again and gave me a whole run down of his weekend (I didnt even ask for that but he provided that anyway) and I just simply responded that I needed time to think. He then said "Look, I still want to go to Horror Nights with you, would you want to go just us two alone?"... [Horror Nights, for those that don't know, is an event around Halloween in Orlando, FL where they have haunted houses, scare zones, etc...we try to go every year]. We had planned on doing this prior to the split so I was rather excited that he mentioned this...but at the same time I kept my guard up.

 

I asked my mom what she thought I should say.. in my heart, I know that everything between him and I is going to work out...it's just that we both need a little time to ourselves (the story thickens soon...). Anyway, I replied that I "thought it sounds like a good idea, but I still need a little time to process everything".. He agreed and then progressed to ask me about my work/school schedule. I responded briefly by saying "school in the AM, work till 5"...

 

Next thing I know....My phone rings....it's him....

 

(This is the first sign of effort... he could have continued texting me, but he chose to call me instead)

 

The first 10 or so minutes of our conversation were just general things, mainly about his weekend and about meeting his brothers new gf and such and such...then we started to talk about our situation. (He did most of the talking...)

 

Basically, without going into detail, he appologized a million times, told me he loves and misses me a million times and that he handled this whole situation completely wrong. He admitted that he just wanted time to do some things on his own and should have just told me that. He said he didn't want to break up and that he regrets saying that. I told him that he takes everything to the extreme...we're either together and super happy, or breaking up b/c of a little hardship.. and he said "you're right..."

 

All in all, the conversation went well. It really gave me a look into his psychie and how he's doing. He made a solid effort to go out and experience some things without me, something that we didn't really do too much of in our relationship. I pointed out to him that one area that I feel WE as a couple failed in, was taking time apart from each other. I know that's important in a relationship to spend quality time together as well as quality time apart... the latter is what we didn't really do....and is what needs to happen.

 

I reassured him that I wouldn't mind if he went out with his friends and spent the weekend with them...Im not controlling, I trust him, and I know we both need that time apart in order to grow as a couple.

 

I didn't agree to see him anytime soon or anything like that...at the earliest, this weekend would be when I would begin discussing our getting back together...that will be just short of 2 weeks apart. I just want to make sure that he really gets enough time strictly away from me so that when we do get back together, I know it's going to be great this time around.

 

He also told me that he is going to make all of the effort here to mend what he's broken. He told me he doesn't want to be with anyone else and that he loves me like he could never love anyone else. He is very truly sorry and I could hear it in his voice that he has been going through hell and back just like I have.

 

Anyway, that's my update. I don't know if it warrants comments or not, but for anyone who's been following my story or helping me, I figured you deserve to know where Im at as of right now.

 

Thank you again for all of your support. I look forward to hearing more from you. :-)

[Danielle46]

TrueBlue, I am glad to hear that my story has helped to give someone strength. I still struggle everyday and I will until everything is resolved (one way or another) but I feel a little bit stronger as each day passes.

 

How have you been doing overall?

[trueblue72ny]

You are handling things well. And it helps immensely that you have a strong relationship with each other. His perceived break from you doesn’t seem to have gone on very long before he has initiated contact. And I think that is a really great sign. But I do hope that it is for real. That you don’t wind up just being a safety net. I believe it is difficult sometimes to distinguish between the two.

 

Thank you for asking! I am just trying to go with the flow. My days are up and they are down like you would expect from a huge heart ache. I am doing good at keeping up healthy appearances on the job. Smiling /talking to people. There is no sense in doing anything but that. But I feel without a doubt the best thing I can do right now is continue with not initiating communication (again). Its only day 4 (again). which I know isn’t very long. So I still probably have quite a road ahead of me if this keeps up. But that’s what you guys are here for right? : ) I have a feeling that our relationship now will depend on how things go with her new friend. If things work out for her, and she finds happiness than there is the possibility that we will never be together again. I have to face that possibility at this point. Which is what I am trying to come to grips with. I honestly am not sure how I should deal with it. if down the road I get emails from her asking me how I am doing??? Or she starts walking by my desk trying to get my attention???

 

Your story helps me realize a few things. 1) that if the one you want to be with wants to “see what else is out there” than I should really make a conscious effort to give her the room to do that. meaning maybe I should not respond to her emails everytime, or be there every time she wants me to be her safety net. Not because I don’t want to communicate with her. I do!. but maybe it’s the only way she will realize what I am worth (if anything) to her. I am praying that I am worth more to her than something else out there. But I guess I am realizing now that maybe sometimes people need to find that out for themselves. which even means the possibility of becoming involved with someone else. I have to face that possibility, as much as I don’t want too think about it!

 

Up to now, I have always been there to respond to her. In fact I always prized myself on responding /being there for anyone! because it’s the way I want to be treated. And she still believes that she can have me any time she wants! and for a long time that has been true! and maybe that is where the problem is coming in? maybe some people get bored if they know you are going to be there all the time. I guess that is how people wind up becoming plan b. and I don’t want that to happen. so what if that wasn’t true anymore? what if I make a conscious effort to not be available to her every time I receive an email, or respond when she tries to gain my attention by indirect means.

 

There is so much to every story to tell.

[trueblue72ny]

i just received an unexpected email from her. venting that work is driving her nuts. (as it does with all of us!) i have not responded. i am going to have to pause and think about this. not sure what to do.

 

i almost want to just let it go and see what happens. but at the same time this instant i just heard from her i have this up lifting feeling inside me. and i feel happy again.

[trueblue72ny]

i just received a text asking me why are you ignoring me. i feel horrible now.

 

i kind of feel like i should respond this time. i just wanted a little time to go by before i responded to her email. like a day or so. i didnt think in a million years would i get a text so soon.

 

im not sure what to say. i mean it is kind of obvious why i have been no talking right? because she is seeing someone possibly. and i do not want to be her safety net if she needs to see what else is out there? but at the same time we agreed that if we met someone that we would still be friends. our last conversation seemed to go well. it is confusing now.

 

 

well anyway, i just texted back and said, hey im not!