Guiltyascharged Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 We had a few drinks the other night and the conversation ended up with him saying he loved me, but wasnt in love with me. And that if i wasnt with my partner, he would have passed a shot at us working out together. I also ended up saying that i love him more than a friend should but not like i do my partner. In a different time and a different place, we would have been together and it would have been great... There is absolutely no way we can ever be together. And no way we would want to jeopardise our friendship. We would certainly not go behind anyones back and start a relationship and we both know there is no future in what we feel. The problem is, we have both felt an attraction to each other (EXTREMELY MILD) for around 5 years yet its never caused a problem. But now, since the conversation, i cant stop thinking about him. I get jealous. ITS HORRIBLE AND I HATE IT! But because he is my best friend i enjoy his company. We need each other as friends, we meet and talk all the time - in our group of friends. Will these feelings go away? How can you get over a crush you know will never go anywhere? Link to post Share on other sites
amagordos Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 so you got a crush, but is it real love? If it is why do you want to get over it? I know it will be complicated to deal with it, but i think the only way you can ever get over this crush is to either stop talking to this person forever or to just simply go with it because repressing your feelings actually makes them more stronger. Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 The feelings will only get stronger till he does something to turn you off, or if you stop hanging out with him. This is no longer a friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
infjer Posted August 14, 2009 Share Posted August 14, 2009 ouch.... i always have a tendency to feel bad for the third party in this situation. like how your partner would feel if they knew about that conversation... but that's totally beside the point... feelings are feelings. time will make them fade, however, when it's mutual feelings you're talking about, it's not that easy. i'd say distance is what you need to make this easier. good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted August 14, 2009 Share Posted August 14, 2009 Keep telling yourself you'd rather be without him than be the focus point of his miserable, vain, cold, complicated and mind f**k of a life. Oops, projecting... Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 14, 2009 Share Posted August 14, 2009 Keep telling yourself you'd rather be without him than be the focus point of his miserable, vain, cold, complicated and mind f**k of a life. Oops, projecting... Guiltyascharged, the easiest way to get over a crush is to put some distance between you and your crushee. You can also devolve your crush down to simple friendship by adjusting your perception of the other person and adjusting how you perceive your interactions/emotions. This second method should be used in conjunction with the first method or it can stand alone. It's up to you how determined you are to stop it. Most people enjoy the feelings of a crush, including the angst that's attached to it, so they worry it like a sore tooth. In doing so, it becomes an obsession. Counterproductive. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted August 14, 2009 Share Posted August 14, 2009 Guiltyascharged, the easiest way to get over a crush is to put some distance between you and your crushee. You can also devolve your crush down to simple friendship by adjusting your perception of the other person and adjusting how you perceive your interactions/emotions. This second method should be used in conjunction with the first method or it can stand alone. It's up to you how determined you are to stop it. Most people enjoy the feelings of a crush, including the angst that's attached to it, so they worry it like a sore tooth. In doing so, it becomes an obsession. Counterproductive. And no, not directed at that particular mind eff. Distance is without a doubt the best answer. However no-one actually wants to do that because as you said TBF, people enjoy the feelings of a crush. It is usually directed at people you either have no chance with or, like the OP, someone there's no possibility of being with even if the feelings are mutual. Having experienced both within the last two months... I have come to the conclusion that it's a safe way of either not putting yourself out there to find someone that's actually right or as a way to create drama in a situation you wish you were out of. How happy can the OP be with their partner if they love someone as "more than a friend"? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 14, 2009 Share Posted August 14, 2009 And no, not directed at that particular mind eff. There's more than one that fits the description! Link to post Share on other sites
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