stillmissinghim Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Hi, my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years broke up with me 4 weeks ago and I still can't move on. We live over two hours away from each other however his work was right in the middle so he was driving an hour to work each day or to my house. This is a man who said he loved me more than he loved himself. We went through a couple of rocky months earlier in the year b/c he felt I wasn't giving him enough attention which pushed me away even more. We both had emotional affairs via Facebook but got past those or at least I thought we did. I thought we were doing well, even had a great night together the night before he broke up with me, so I was really surprised when he dumped me. Now that we aren't together and he seems to have moved on, I find myself stuck thinking about him ALL the time. He has already started dating someone else which is even more hard b/c I thought (and everyone else did too) that he loved me so very much. I have had many relationships in the past but I have never felt the heartbreak that I am feeling now. No matter what I read to try and get over it and move on doesn't seem to be helping. I am usually a very strong independent person so feeling so weak, helpless and sad for so long is something very new for me. My brain knows what it is supposed to do but getting it to do it and keeping my heart from it's input seems almost impossible. I really feel like this is the person I am supposed to get old with and b/c I pushed him away, I probably lost him forever. I miss him so much and my mind keeps telling me how if I could only get him back I would do things differently. The person he has started dating lives in the town he does so that is a good thing for him. He lives in a small town of only 4000 while I live in a large city of about 1,000,000. I just don't know how he was able to move on so fast and just stop loving me all of a sudden. Even though I know I have to move on, I just can't do it and all my thoughts are consumed with him and how much I miss him. I've done everything I have read says to do but I still can't stop being sad and missing him. If anyone has any advice on helping the hurting to stop, I would be so grateful.
TaraMaiden Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 4 weeks...? And you expect to be over it? They say one month for every six, is how long it takes to even begin to start getting over it.... If he broke up with you, it's logical his healing process will be faster. Chances are he was 'out of love' with you a while before the break anyway.... Give yourself time, but stick - absolutely and completely - to No Contact. Ever. And keep yourself busy.
Starshine Black Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Uh, yeah, unfortunately, the breakup hasn't even hit you yet. In about 8 months, you will start to feel the pain. I tell you this not to scare you, but rather so that your very logical and independent brain doesn't get the shock of its life.
adamt Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 4 weeks is nothing. just keep yourself active, busy and catch up with friends. join a gym..etc Basically fill up all your spare time I bet he had his new girlfriend lined up before you split up. He was probably moving on a few months before you split up.
silic0ntoad Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 YEah, Adam is right. Most people are scumbags like that. Either way, it's cheating, emotional or physical. And I HATE cheaters. This dude did you dirty sweetheart. You have to realise this before you can move on. It gets much easier. Maintain NC. Hold onto it with a death grip.
Ilovecake Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 It's only been four weeks. I would say don't fight the pain at this point. Cry when you need to, get mad when you need to, write about it a lot. Journaling really helped me. I was with my boyfriend for just as long, we even lived together. It's been 9 months and I still think about him and I still feel pain but every day it gets easier. Time is your best friend right now. Staying away from him and not making any contact has also been very helpful to me. Whenever we talked or saw each other after we broke up it was like I had to start the healing process all over again. Your brain is having a hard time adjusting to this new reality and that is a big part of your pain. I know half of you is thinking very rationally right now but the other half is waiting for him to come back. The longer you stay away from him the faster that will shift. Above all this is the time for you to take very good care of yourself.
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